Post # 1
I have 4 BM in our wedding party, and lately I have been stressing out. My one BM *Julie* is my best friend, but there has been some issues lately. My FI and I have been dating for about 6 years. 8 years ago when he and I were just friends he worked with *Julie* and I. I had just started working there, and *Julie* and I had just became friends. She developed a little crush on him when we were all working together. He didn’t have the same feelings, and she had a bf at the time. She asked him to go watch fireworks with her after work one night, and he went. Nothing happened, and they just hung out. After that he started dating someone, and started working somewhere else. He and I had the same group of friends and went to the same highschool. Two years later we started going out. We had been good friends for a few years, and had been flirting for awhile. By this time *Julie and I got closer as friends, and still worked together. She has been dating her same bf for 9 years now. Now it has been 8 years since she had a highschool crush on him, but I don’t think she is over it. A few girls at work told me that she has told them that her and my FI used to date. I think it’s very weird, and my FI is a little weirded out by it, because they have never dated. I’m not too sure if I should bring this up to *Julie* but it kinda bothers me that she is saying that, considering it is not true, and that I’m marrying this man in three months. She is in our wedding party, and has been great with helping and everything. I don’t want to embarrass her or anything, but I do want to know why she has said those things. She also told our friend at work that she thinks he might have a thing for her because he knew her favorite colour. I had told him her favorite colour when we were buying her birthday gift. It just seems a little odd that she is being this way. What should I do or say to her?
Post # 3
Do you think maybe there is a little jealousy since she has been there with her bf for 9 years and you are getting married before her? Maybe this is just her way of coping with that by thinking she dated your FI first?
Post # 4
Possibly, she has told me that she is jealous of my FI and my relationship, because we getting along really well. But I think it might be that her and her bf have had a rough couple of years, and maybe she is thinking her life would have been different if she had dated my FI?? I just don’t know if I should call her out on it?
Post # 5
Hmm.. it is very weird – and probably just jealousy like kellyalvey said. But I wouldn’t call her out on it – it would likely just jeapordize your friendship (been there, done that) and is probably not worth it. Hopefully she will give up on it all after the wedding..?
Post # 6
are you sure julie said these things? if you are just hearing them third person through one particular co-worker, that co-worker could be trying to stir up drama.
Post # 7
I agree that if you call her out your friendship will change so you need to think is it worth it.
Post # 8
I agree with the poster that some people like to stir things up and add drama when there really IS no drama.
I personally would let this go. She is with somebody else also.
Post # 9
Is it possible, she just has a different take, a misunderstanding? Happens a lot regarding mixed signals and the opposite sex. Maybe to her, going out that one time, constitutes "dating" to her. Or maybe it’s just the easiest way for her to explain to people how she knows him? (Without going into details about fireworks, and it not going anywhere. And any questions that might ensue.)
Once I referred to a woman (who was an acquaintence) as a friend describing the story to someone else. That person knew her. I was a little embarrassed to think that person might go back to her and say, "Hey I hear you’re friends with Tanya." (She’d be thinking.. not really.) Ugg I really didn’t mean that we were friends. It was just easier to say that and get on with the story than try to describe how I knew her. It wasn’t a bad story about her or anything.
And regarding that he knew her favorite color. It does seem like a stretch. Is he maybe a bit flirty, or have a certain charming way? I know a lot of girls who would take something like that as a "sign". (Although perhaps not about someone who was already in relationship.) And while it would kind of annoy me, I think they were serious. So while it’s possible that she’s stirring things up, I think it could also be possible she’s really misunderstood some things.
Could she be a bit of a drama queen? Some people dn’t feel their lives are terribly exciting, and want to create that drama.
As for calling her out, I wouldn’t. I just picture it winding up sounding like a middle school fight.
Post # 10
I don’t know if I’d make too much of it. A friend once told me "Hey, I met X the other day and he said he knows you and that you guys used to date in high school!" I was surprised – the guy in question had been in my group of friends, and we went on one date, but I didn’t think that qualified as ‘dating’. I guess some people just use the word differently.
The favorite color thing is odd though – did she really say she thinks he ‘has a thing for her’? If so, I would certainly raise an eyebrow at that – but do you think that could have been twisted around a bit or misinterpreted? For example, maybe she originally said "Wow, X is a great guy, he takes an interest in Y’s friends and remembers my favorite color and everything!"
Post # 11
I would let this go. Sounds like this is all in the past now anyway.
Post # 12
Sounds to me like LoveH doesn’t WANT to let it go. It is clearly bothering her, and frankly, it would bother me too to have one of my friends (BM or no) going around saying they "dated" my FI or that my FI had a crush on them. How insulting! If she is truly saying these things, I don’t think she’s such a good friend Love needs to concern herself so much over how saying something would "change" their relationship. What is she supposed to do? Hold it in forever? That’s not healthy for the friendship either.
Post # 13
Perhaps your friend Julie is upset that nothing ever did happen with your FH and is upset that he thought they were just friends. Some who love drama just like to try to push buttons to make themselves feel better.
I agree with Tanya in that mentioning it to her might have this erupt into a huge middle school fight of "he said, she said" comments. I think because your FH is also slightly weirded out by it, and he’s obviously extremely happy with you, you might just let this slide. Of course, if anyone mentions anything to you about them dating, set the record straight with them in that they hung out a few times, but never officially dated. No harm in that, and Julie’s feelings are also spared as well as your friendship.
Post # 14
- Wedding: May 2018 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay
Sounds like a classic case of jealousy and envy to me. She’s been dating her boyfriend for 9+ years & they aren’t getting married…you are. She probably just wants what you have & for some reason, saying these things makes her feel better about herself. It might sound crazy, she is your friend and all, but sometimes people just project things subconsciously.
I’d let it rest for now. It seems like it may blow over at some point in the future
Post # 15
Thanks guys, I think I’m going to let it go. It was bothering me alot the day I heard it, but I’ve since hung out with her a few times, and everything was fine with us. I know she knows that he is in love with me, and she tells me that she loves us together. It just might be a little jealousy, and her just wishing maybe something had happened 8 years ago, lol. She is my best friend so I don’t want her to be awkward if I call her out on it, especially if she knew that my FI was weirded out, she would probably be quite embarrassed.