(Closed) BM likes my FI?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Do you think maybe there is a little jealousy since she has been there with her bf for 9 years and you are getting married before her?  Maybe this is just her way of coping with that by thinking she dated your FI first?

Post # 5
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hmm.. it is very weird – and probably just jealousy like kellyalvey said. But I wouldn’t call her out on it – it would likely just jeapordize your friendship (been there, done that) and is probably not worth it. Hopefully she will give up on it all after the wedding..?

Post # 6
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

are you sure julie said these things? if you are just hearing them third person through one particular co-worker, that co-worker could be trying to stir up drama.

Post # 7
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree that if you call her out your friendship will change so you need to think is it worth it.

Post # 8
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with the poster that some people like to stir things up and add drama when there really IS no drama.

I personally would let this go.  She is with somebody else also. 

Post # 9
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Is it possible, she just has a different take, a misunderstanding?  Happens a lot regarding mixed signals and the opposite sex.  Maybe to her, going out that one time, constitutes "dating" to her.  Or maybe it’s just the easiest way for her to explain to people how she knows him?  (Without going into details about fireworks, and it not going anywhere.  And any questions that might ensue.) 

Once I referred to a woman (who was an acquaintence) as a friend describing the story to someone else.  That person knew her.  I was a little embarrassed to think that person might go back to her and say, "Hey I hear you’re friends with Tanya."  (She’d be thinking.. not really.)  Ugg I really didn’t mean that we were friends.  It was just easier to say that and get on with the story than try to describe how I knew her.  It wasn’t a bad story about her or anything.

And regarding that he knew her favorite color.  It does seem like a stretch.  Is he maybe a bit flirty, or have a certain charming way?  I know a lot of girls who would take something like that as a "sign".  (Although perhaps not about someone who was already in  relationship.)  And while it would kind of annoy me, I think they were serious.  So while it’s possible that she’s stirring things up, I think it could also be possible she’s really misunderstood some things.

Could she be a bit of a drama queen?  Some people dn’t feel their lives are terribly exciting, and want to create that drama.

As for calling her out, I wouldn’t.  I just picture it winding up sounding like a middle school fight.

Post # 10
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t know if I’d make too much of it. A friend once told me "Hey, I met X the other day and he said he knows you and that you guys used to date in high school!" I was surprised – the guy in question had been in my group of friends, and we went on one date, but I didn’t think that qualified as ‘dating’. I guess some people just use the word differently.

The favorite color thing is odd though – did she really say she thinks he ‘has a thing for her’? If so, I would certainly raise an eyebrow at that – but do you think that could have been twisted around a bit or misinterpreted? For example, maybe she originally said "Wow, X is a great guy, he takes an interest in Y’s friends and remembers my favorite color and everything!" 

Post # 11
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I would let this go. Sounds like this is all in the past now anyway.

Post # 12
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Sounds to me like LoveH doesn’t WANT to let it go. It is clearly bothering her, and frankly, it would bother me too to have one of my friends (BM or no) going around saying they "dated" my FI or that my FI had a crush on them. How insulting! If she is truly saying these things, I don’t think she’s such a good friend Love needs to concern herself so much over how saying something would "change" their relationship. What is she supposed to do? Hold it in forever? That’s not healthy for the friendship either.

Post # 13
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

Perhaps your friend Julie is upset that nothing ever did happen with your FH and is upset that he thought they were just friends. Some who love drama just like to try to push buttons to make themselves feel better.

I agree with Tanya in that mentioning it to her might have this erupt into a huge middle school fight of "he said, she said" comments. I think because your FH is also slightly weirded out by it, and he’s obviously extremely happy with you, you might just let this slide. Of course, if anyone mentions anything to you about them dating, set the record straight with them in that they hung out a few times, but never officially dated. No harm in that, and Julie’s feelings are also spared as well as your friendship.

Post # 14
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay

Sounds like a classic case of jealousy and envy to me.  She’s been dating her boyfriend for 9+ years & they aren’t getting married…you are.  She probably just wants what you have & for some reason, saying these things makes her feel better about herself.  It might sound crazy, she is your friend and all, but sometimes people just project things subconsciously.

I’d let it rest for now.  It seems like it may blow over at some point in the future

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