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i definitely don't think this is grounds for dismissing a bridesmaid. maybe you should try talking to her first and tell her how important it is to you to be there for the rehearsal. maybe she's clueless and doesn't realize it's a big deal. also, if she can't make it to the rehearsal after all, it isn't the end of the world.
Its really not the end of the world. I had a BM who couldn't come to my rehearsal. It's not like someone can't fill her in on where to stand. All she needs to do is walk in, stand, walk out - I bet she can handle it!
If she just got a new job, I can understand her not wanting to ask off for anymore time than absolutely necessary. No one wants to start a new job off on the wrong foot!
I would have to know more about the situation. But honestly, I'm a bit put off by your assertion that one of your main problems with her is that she didn't give you a gift. That sounds kind of greedy.
Has she been out of work for awhile? Short on cash? Perhaps her being offered the job was contingent on her being able to work that evening, and being able to pay her bills was more urgent in her mind then attending your rehearsal? I do think she has a responsiblity to make the rehearsal dinner, but maybe she didn't feel comfortable requesting time off right off the bat. If she needs the money/job, that tends to trump her obligation to you.
Starting any new job can be quite a balancing act, especially with already set-in-stone dates for time off. Add in to that a non-9-5 job, wedding party duties, and you've got a lot of priorities in the mix! Is she making it to the rehearsal itself? Maybe you could do a pre-rehearsal rehearsal for her if not. But really, I'd be OK with a BM missing the rehearsal dinner. It's the wedding day itself that really counts!
I'd also put aside the gift/card issue for now. If she just got a new job, perhaps the bridal party financial obligations have taken a toll? Or she's getting you something to give to you closer to the wedding? Does the gift part really matter so much as her support?
Could she be hurting for money and thats why she wasn't able to buy you a gift or take a night off from work? It's really not a big deal to miss the rehersal dinner. Like someone else mentioned, the girls just need to stand in order and walk.
Is she coming to the rehearsal and just not to the dinner? If that is the case, definitely cut her some slack. The dinner is really just meant to be a thank you to your bridal party for being a part of your wedding so try not to hold it against her if she can't attend. Even if she can't come to the rehearsal, she'll be able to learn on the wedding day what she needs to do. The other girls can fill her in. I want to point out, I would be REALLY frustrated too if one of my bridesmaids couldn't make it my rehearsal, but work is a reasonable excuse, especially when it's a new job I could see why it would be hard to ask for time off.
I think you're being a little unsupportive of your friend and her new job! Besides, you'll be saving $ with one less mouth to feed at the rehearsal dinner. As far as gifts go, she could be planning to get you a nice wedding gift, and if she's not, there might be financial issues, as other posters have mentioned.
Ok, I have calmed down a bit. It's not the actual gift that I am upset about... it's the fact that there was no gift at all and no card at all. That to me, is complete thoughlessness. I am in no way greedy, I honesty don't NEED a thing.
She is not coming to the rehersal or the dinner. I know that she is fully capable of walking down an asile... it's just the point of a rehersal dinner. The mingling, the specialness of it. This is also where I give every BM their gifts. It's the fact that she didnt care enough to even TRY to get it off that erks me. And it's a bar job... those are a dime a dozen here.
Fact is I am just really hurt by her everytime and I regret making her a part of my bridal party. But I am not that type of person to kick her out our anything. I would never do that.
I posted this to hear about other's stories to make me feel better like I'm not the only one who had a flaky BM. But I guess I am, lol.
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One of my BM is not coming. She just got a new job (at a bar) and she didnt even try to get off for the rehearsal dinner. She said she didnt think it was that important and that "hey, I got the wedding day off".
I am ready to tell her not to bother coming to the wedding. This BM is the same one that got me nothing for my shower. Not a card, not a gift.
I promise I am not a mean person! But I just feel like I am down to the wire with her. Does anyone else have a totally careless BM?