Post # 1
How have your bridesmaids responded to your ideas?
One of my BMs seems a bit put off my our ideas.
We’re having the ceremony and reception in two different rooms at the same facility – a historical downtown area. Both rooms are from the 1920s, original hardwood floors – we love it. The reception room is a huge gym, two floors, and I think the two original wooden basketball hoops are charming. When my BM saw the pictures and of our decorating ideas, she said, “Did you not look anywhere else? Really. A gym?” It’s not the YMCA or a high school gym!
When she heard we were doing paper bouquets for the ladies and paper boutonnieres for the men and I explained why and showed her how they’d look, she said, “But, bouquets should be real. How will you throw it?” When I told her I wouldn’t be throwing a bouquet, that we weren’t doing those traditions, she looked shocked and said, “It’s expected!” She’s always known about my aversion to the bouquet and garter toss, so I have no idea why she’s saying this now.
And then we she heard how were going the DIY route of decorating (paper chains, paper lanterns, photos on strings, making the table signs ourselves, etc.), she said, “Are we [the wedding party] expected to put up and take down the decorations ourselves?” I told her probably for putting everything up we’d all do that with the DOC, but I didn’t know for taking down. FI and I wouldn’t be around for that. She looked appalled at the thought of partaking in this.
I’m just feeling down in the dumps right now. We’re very excited and we were upfront with our bridal party about the DIY, chipping-in-to-help-the-day-of aspect of our wedding, and at the time, no one seemed bothered.
Post # 3
I’m sorry. She’s not being very nice. Is it possible she’s jealous?
Post # 4
she’s acting obnoxious. Just reply to her “Then you can do that for YOUR wedding” next time. And thats really stupid that she’s appalled at helping out. If she doesn’t want to help out, she doesn’t have to be a bridesmaid.
Post # 5
As long as you and your fiance like it and want it that’s all that matters. To be honest, the only thing I would be put off with would be you having the BMs set up and break down. I’ve been a MOH and BM before and never have been asked to do that – Vendors should be taking care of that not the wedding party (in my opinion). I personally don’t expect my BMs to do anything but show up at the wedding and have fun with me, so I would feel very uncomfortable asking them to be “working” at the wedding.
Post # 6
@MrsWBS: Our venues don’t have a staff to decorate, only to set up the tables and chairs. Since they do not specialize in weddings, they don’t have a staff. By me, it’s very common to have the bridal party help with the decorating. The BM in question was a BM before and she didn’t have to help, but then again, the bride had a $50,000 wedding, compared to our $5,000.
Post # 7
Nobody wants a cookie cutter wedding, its exciting to make it your own!!!! Do what you and the groom want 🙂
Its sad that she does not support you 🙁 We set up stuff before our wedding and it was so much fun! We had to make margaritas and get all the DIY stuff out!! It really added to the excitment of the day!
I would not ask for any of her opinions or tell her any ideas from now on, this is your day! Be happy and have fun, it will be great!! Just tell your BM what her job is and thats that
Post # 8
sorry you’re going through this. your bm doesn’t have to “like” your ideas but she should “support” your ideas. she needs to keep her opinions to herself. it’s your wedding, not hers.
Post # 9
UGH! Ignore her, do your thing. It doesn’t matter if the whole world hates it but if you and your FI like it then it’s perfect.
Post # 10
@MrsNerdy: THIS was great!
Post # 11
How hard it it to put a candle or a vase of flowers on a table? Put a tablecloth on? That’s ridiculous that she wouldn’t want to help with that. It’s not like you’re asking her to do construction work!
Post # 12
My wedding sounds very similar to yours – a DIY one! Family are decorating the hall and BM’s are helping me make decorations – no one is obliged to help but at the moment everyone is very keen to help.
It is great to share this stuff with a BM but if any of mine reacted in that way I would be keeping quiet. Your wedding sounds beautiful – it might not be her kind of wedding but she can do all of HER stuff on HER day. Until then she can keep her opinions to herself. It isn’t helpful at all.
Post # 14
Don’t let her comments affect you or your decisions. You are entitled to the wedding of your choice. She wil get a turn to make decisions when she is planning her wedding.
Picture yourself with a veil that covers you head to toe and nothing can penetrate that veil.
Post # 15
lol bouquet toss is expected? then SHE can have it at HER wedding!!
Post # 16
She sounds annoying, when she gets married she can make the choices. I would pull her aside and say lisetn soso thank you for your input but my future hubby and I picking things that make sense for us as a couple. Most your comments have been a tad bit(highly inppropriate and rude but you can leave thato ut to be nice) can you please keep you comments to yourself. This a high stress point and I don’t need one more thing to worry about. Or the next time she talks about the way you are “supposed to do things” you can ask her if she intends on writing the checks for the wedding since she wants to insert all of these ideas.