BM omission…am I doing the right thing (with backstory)

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: After reading my story, do you think I am...
    Making the right descision : (27 votes)
    100 %
    Making the wrong descision : (0 votes)
  • Member
    703 posts
    Busy bee

    I think you did the right thing, 

    you have way more strength then I do.

    I would of tackled her during the first dance.

    Member
    1043 posts
    Bumble bee

    Of course you did the right thing!!!

    Member
    4736 posts
    Honey bee

    100% the right decision. Even if you were at fault (which you weren’t), the fact is you’re no longer friends, and you don’t want someone who’s not your friend in your bridal party.

    (But let me add that she was allowed to choose who she wanted to be MOH, That doesn’t excuse the rest of her behaviour though.)

    Member
    4067 posts
    Honey bee

    Just so I am clear you didn’t actually tell her yourself that you weren’t going to the rehersal dinner but sent a cryptic message via your grandparents? Why did you not pick up the phone and call her yourself? I can kind of see why they would be pissed off about that. Not excusing the facebook posts and other stuff but you kind of also made drama for her on her wedding day by refusing to come.

    I feel as though you thoguht you were closer to this cousin than she did. It hurts to find out that you are not as important to someone as they are to you but that is life.

    And as other pp’s have said she has the right to choose whomever she likes for her MOH and to invite whomever she felt comfortable with going to appointments/doing wedding stuff.

    The same goes for you. You can choose whomever you like to be your BM’s.

    Member
    276 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m so sorry to hear your story – that’s awful! I absolutely think you made the right decision. I was MOH for a very good friend of mine, and the whole day I worked really hard, I paid for half her bridal shower ($75pp – ridiculous expensive, but it’s what she wanted), plus all my own hair, makeup, shoes, etc. whilst she got her hair done at the expensive salon, plus she made us all wait an hour for her to get ready (but we didn’t even know her room in the hotel! Weird), by which time I had to ask the hotel to tell me her room as all us bms were in the lobby lost! We were 2hrs late for the ceremony and ppl were screaming and crying and I had to deal with all this, whilst she battered her eyelids. She spent $100K on her wedding and we didn’t even get a bm gift (which is fine) or a nice thankyou (which is not fine), and I didn’t even get any cake b/c I was looking out for her sick uncle and trying to find a safe place for her detatchable train! Oh, and I was in 2 photos the whole day – she only wanted herself and her dress and us BMs were shafted!

    So I’ve done what you did: she’s invited as a guest but not to be in the bridal party because I didn’t like her selfish behavior at her own wedding and lack of consideration for all the guests (who had to pay $100 themselves for the rehearsal dinner and that’s not including drinks!). And guess what? She’s got school so says she can’t fly in for my wedding even though I flew cross the atlantic for her DW!

    But I’m fine with it! Surround yourself with positive, loving, supportive friends and family who will make your wedding day fun! If you want to work on your relationship with her at a later point (after the wedding stress) then you can take that option, but I certainly think you made the right choice :)

    Member
    4693 posts
    Honey bee

    Dude I woudn’t even be inviting her.

    Member
    1986 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @j_jaye:  It sounds to me like the OP *did* tell her cousin that she wouldn’t be at the rehearsal dinner, but kept getting pestered about it, so the message via the grandparents was “one last attempt” to get through to the bride that she had tried but couldn’t get the time off.

    OP, I think you’re doing the right thing. You want to be able to focus on your bridal party without all the negativity that’s linked to your cousin.

    Member
    867 posts
    Busy bee

    @Finallyafter15:  Oh my god, I probably would’ve bitch slapped her. Congratulations on your self control and for honouring your commitment. Never mind those bitches, maybe put her in the back row at your wedding, eh?

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