Post # 1
this is the first time writing on the boards…so go easy on me 🙂
I’ll give you some background first,
We are having 7 people on each side and one of them is my SIL.
She lives about 120 miles away, and has a busy job and just got married to my brother 2009.
My wedding is in June of this year and I decieded on Melissa Sweet for the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses.
I went dress shopping with the other maids (besides one that lives out of state and the SIL, cause she was too busy)and all picked out styles (I’m doing same color, different cut) Some paid upfront. And others were going to wait to get paid. There was a deadline of Feb. 12th.
I sent out a few emails/text before that date reminding everyone.
And everyone by the due date paid, besides SIL.
She was suppose to go into a shop (that carries Melissa Sweet) near where she lives in try on the styles. She never did that. Now it’s 14 days past the dead line and I’m going to have to pay a rush shipping charge. Plus some of the maids will need their dresses tailered so it doesn’t leave much time for that. I called SIL yesterday and left a message saying that the dress needs to be ordered by today. And I haven’t heard anything back.
side note: about a week ago, I reminded her again…and she went on and on how she is a terrible Bridesmaid or Best Man and friend and that she would order the next day. But never did.
I know that money is not a issue.
My question, what do you think I should do?
Post # 3
Make her pay the rush fee. She’s the one who decided to order late!
Tell her if she doesn’t have a receipt of paying for the dress by March 3rd or something, she’s not going to be able to be in the wedding–that you gave her plenty of time. But, you know, say it nicer.
Post # 4
Correct me if I am wrong but they pay for their own dresses, so she will be the one stuck paying the rush shipping on the dress. But politely ask her if she is having second thoughts about being a part of the wedding, could be she (like many others now days) is having some financial difficulties and just hasn’t been able to afford to pay for the dress.
Post # 5
So annoying! I’d tell her one more time that she needs to go NOW, and honestly, if you’re close to her, I’d tell her she is responsible for the rushed delivery charge. If she doesn’t get back to you, I don’t know what you would be able to do. Maybe get her a dress on your own but that would probably turn out really bad. Yikes, I hope she cooperates!
Post # 6
Yeah, that does suck. I would keep gently reminding her and maybe check in with your brother. Instead of “telling” on her, I would approach it like a concerned SIL, like “hey, I know ___ hasn’t gotten her dress yet and hasn’t been returning my messages! I’m worried! Is everything okay?” then you come off as a sympathetic SIL and not a demanding bridezilla!! 🙂
Post # 7
sometimes i find that being nice to people like this just doesnt work and that i need to be firm and almost mean…to get the point across. you need to just tell her that it is past the deadline and if she doesnt want tobe in the wedding to let you know now before it goes any further. It seems like just reminding her and telling her nicely doesnt work..
Post # 8
I had to go pay for the dress for my Maid/Matron of Honor because she’s been pushing off going to buy it and after a while I found out she was having finaniclal issues but didnt want to tell me until I kept pushing her to get the dress (the fact is the dress was on clearance and would of been discontinued soon), so I purchased it to decrease stress and drama for myself. She will give me the money sometime this week when she has it but for the past weeks it was one less thing for me to stress about.
Post # 9
I agree with LaborOfLove, totally. Also, I’d call your brother and gently vent to him that she is slacking and holding up the process. Maybe he can put a bug in her ear. And if not, he can’t complain to you if she gets cut.
Post # 10
Thanks everyone, it’s just nice to get some advice from people that understand.
I just kind of feels like she thinks it’s not that big of a deal. I understand that the world shouldn’t stop for my wedding.But all I’m asking for is 5 minutes to call the Dress shop and tell them her debit card number, and then to show up in that dress in June.
But we have to order the dresses as a whole for the color to be perfect. So ALL of the dresses are waiting on her. I feel bad for the girls who paid right away..and wont get them until last minute.
I guess your herd is only as fast as the slowest buffalo. LOL
I do think I might have to get a little more firm with her.
the other option is to just sumit thsubmiter without her dress.. I don’t want to do that. (she has been with my brother for almost 9 years) But at this point, I will have to go to another option for dresses if they don’t get ordered in the next two days.
Post # 11
Talk to your brother. Have him take her to the store and pay for the dress. My brother’s SO is in my wedding party, and I go through him when I don’t want to deal with her! Surely your brother will understand!
Post # 12
I’m sorry, I know this is a serious post, but every time I see the title on the boards, I read “bowel movement problems”.
Post # 13
Ugh- this sucks. I would definitely make her pay the rush fee. I think that whole thing about color matching is bunk anyway- look at how many brides purchase J Crew dresses or go to macys or something and buy their bridesmaid dresses- you can NEVER tell in the pictures, contrary to what bridal shops will tell you about “dye lots”. I’m sure Melissa Sweet dresses are no different….
Post # 14
lol @Miss Biner! 🙂
@OP – I’d call her, tell her that she’s got to order it TODAY, and if she doesn’t, you love her dearly, but the dresses have to be ordered and you’re going ahead. If she can get a dress on time, on her own, then you’d love to have her still be a Bridesmaid or Best Man (hehe). Otherwise, tough luck. Or, maybe if she can’t/won’t get a dress in time, you can ask her to be a reader instead, as a gesture of inclusiveness.
And I agree with Miss Root about the dye lots – I think that it’s okay if the colors are not exactly the same – they’ll be so close that no one (except maybe you) will be able to tell.
Post # 15
What ever happened with ths SIL amberdawn28?
Post # 16
I would call her back tomorrow and say, just wanted to see if you got the dress ordered and to let you know that since you missed the deadline you will have to pay a fee to rush order the dress.
My SIL hasn’t gotten her dress altered and my wedding is in 15 days! Yes 15 days! Easter is in there too so subtract the holidays! I’m getting a little peed! with her because this is typical behavior.
So I guess it must be a SIL thing 😉