Post # 1
I know we have some great girls on here trying to learn what is expected of them as a BM, so what qualities do you think BMs should have that are ideal? On the flip side, what qualities should a BM not have?
Also, if you have any great suggestions, maybe you can add it to the wiki!: http://wiki.weddingbee.com/Bridesmaid
Post # 3
Number one thing- be prompt in ordering when asked! 2 of my BM’s put off ordering their dresses to a month past when I asked them to have it done by, and it’s stressful as hell! Gah.
The BM who’s been the greatest for me, even though she’s out of town, is the one who’s actually responded to everything I’ve sent, and been *enthusiastic*. I know you have other things going on, but this is a BIG deal to the bride, and just taking the time to give some input and answer questions is huge. A couple of my BM’s (the ones who didn’t order their dresses on time, hmm, whaddaya know?) are barely responding to e-mails, won’t give feedback on jewelry and things that I’m trying to do FOR THEM, and generally act like they don’t give a crap about any of it. They can take the time to make "lol" type comments to something another bm said, but can’t say "I like that necklace better than the other" or even just "I don’t care which, I like (or hate!) them both." Thanks.
And last thing, my MoH is taking a lot of time to plan my bachelorette, and I REALLY appreciate it. I know it’s a pain cause she has so much going on, she’s OOT, and doesn’t really know most of the people who are invited, but she’s being great about it.
So that’s my 2 cents. Keeping in mind my BM’s are all OOT so there’s not much the can do to be helping with practical stuff like addressing envelopes and such. My main things is just act like you freaking CARE.
Post # 4
Wow, I really thought we would have more opinions on this topic!
Post # 5
I think the best quality in a BM is reliability. With all the wedding stuff that can go wrong, you don’t want a BM to flake on you! So I guess that means unreliable/flakey is the worst quality.
Post # 6
I had one amazing BM (the MOH) and 2 that were not so great. The best — and most meaningful– thing my MOH did? She called me most weeks (especially the last 2 months before the wedding) to check in and see how things were going. That meant more to me than anything. She also spent the 4 days before the wedding with me, organizing and running errands. She even got me a massage!
The other 2 were just more concerned with themselves than with me. They didn’t even get ready with me. We had to call them to get them to come help with my dress. And when they came, they were asking me things about thier attire–so sorry, but I really didn’t care at that moment which earrings they were wearing! So I would say the ability to be thoughtful and considerate about what the other person (the bride) is going through.
Post # 7
In thinking about my BM, I think each of them has a quality that I think will really help me on the wedding day. My sister (MOH) is super loyal and always has my back. She’ll stick up for me no matter what and I know that if anything is wrong on wedding day, she’ll be the one to take care of it. BM#1 is always calm, cool and collected. She always keeps her cool in a crisis and I know that she’ll be around to help calm me down if I get stressed. BM#2 is positive and always has a kind word for everyone. She is so sweet and always puts a positive spin on things. BM#3 is hilarious and fun. She can always make me laugh and we have fun together no matter what we do.
So I guess my ideal BM would be loyal, calm, positive and fun. 🙂
Post # 8
i think the first quality a BM should have is to be a great listener and feedback-giver. the #1 thing i needed from my girls were second opinions, decision-making help, and someone to listen to me vent and reassure me. that kind of support went a looong way throughout planning.
i agree with the above poster that timeliness is super important too. my MOH procrastinated on ordering the shawl that i asked each of them to wear…by the time she got around to it, they were no longer available! ordering your dress and accessories early really eases a bride’s worries…
some qualities a BM shouldnt have are being opinionated and selfish. i think a lot of brides will ask for second opinions, but avoid constantly telling her how she SHOULD do something, especially if it goes against what you know she wants. also, as the wedding gets closer, avoid making everything about you – youre not sure about your dress, youre nervous, etc. she has enough to worry about without being your counselor too!