(Closed) BM regrets…

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3737 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

What is it that you’d like that bridesmaid to be doing that she’s not currently doing?

Post # 5
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I actually was planning on having 2 MOH. One is my bestfriend from 6th grade, however she has lived in another state for probably 5 years. We’ve managed to remain bestfriend even though we don’t talk every day. Then I ask my best friend from where I lived and we had been best friends for a year. We worked together and spent our day off together we were always together and always had a great time! However we both went to different jobs and she broke up with her boyfriend and changed. She started doin pills and I wanted no part of that so we both stopped talkin to each other, without a big fight of anything. I’ve never asked her to step down but she knows absolutely nothing about the wedding so I’m just going as its not even an option instead of creating any unnessecary drama.

Post # 6
Member
3143 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly what you are going through sounds very similar to what many if us have experienced. And yes it’s your wedding, if she has not bought the dress or anything yet you can ask her to step down. Though you also need to have an open and honest conversation about this issues first if you want to keep your friendship

Post # 7
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am struggling with this problem right now. One of my BMs doesn’t answer ANY messages I send. (email, text, phont, facebook…) About two weeks ago I sent an email with links to BM dresses I was thinking of and asked her opinion. A week later, still no response so I replied with more information about prices and deposits and also alteration options. Still no reply. I told her I wanted to hear back from her by the 19th (I have two BMs out of town, and one who’s leaving for a month long trip in a couple months) so I need to get this done. And I know I wouldn’t receive a response if I didn’t give her a time limit. 

I’m going to text her tonight and tell her I sent the messages, and then Tuesday, if she still hasn’t replied I’m going to give her an ‘out’. I’m going to tell her I understand she’s super busy, and if she doesn’t have the time or money to be apart of the wedding, there are no hard feelings. 

Honestly, I’m hoping she takes me up on that. I feel hurt and I feel like when I look at my wedding pics years from now, I’m going to remember how ignored I felt by her during this time of my life. 

Post # 8
Member
1450 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I had this problem with one of my bridesmaids (who is no longer in the wedding); I pretty much instantly regretted asking her, even though we had been friends for a long time and I would have really valued having her in the bridal party.

She was incredibly dodgy and didn’t provide feedback on anything (I am picking a designer and then the girls can all pick their own dress style).  Only when I said “OK, go pick your dresses” did she say that none of the dresses in the designer’s line (Allure) would work for her due to her religion’s restrictions and that she wouldn’t be offended if I asked her to step down.

I felt I was trying to be accommodating because I knew about her religious requirements and was letting everyone pick their own dress.  I think if being part of my wedding was important to her she would have piped up about the dress line earlier, or at least tried to make it work (“Can we order my dress with a higher backline?” “Let’s look at this designer’s line” etc).  The whole way she handled things was incredibly passive-aggressive, and that just pisses me off.

She tried to say that it was the money involved, but the only thing I was asking them to do was pick a dress and show up.  I’m paying for the dresses, and even though I’m getting my hair done I’m not requiring any of them to.  It wouldn’t have bothered me if she had said from the get-go she couldn’t afford to travel to the wedding, but instead drew it out and made a big deal of it.

I think you should wait until you need to order the dresses.  Just say you need to hear by X date and if you don’t hear from her then you will need to proceed without her in the wedding party.

Situations like these are really, really frustrating, because I think most brides are not trying to be mean or “bad” or “bridezilla”; I don’t think it’s asking too much to have your closest girl friends be supportive of your marriage and day together.

Post # 9
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I was hesitant in choosing one of my BM’s. And honestly, I chose her for all the wrong reasons. My other 3 I’m very close to, but my FI wanted 4 groomsmen so I had to choose SOMEBODY. And she was just as good of a friend as anyone else. Plus she lives the closest to me (other than my sister but she’s 15 so she doesn’t have a clue about BM duties) and I knew she would take charge with the showers and engagement party.

I hesitated in choosing her because she’s very pushy, and sure enough we’ve had drama over the BM dress (I let them choose their own- just gave them a color, material and length and she STILL wasn’t happy and tried to change it), jewelry (she keeps picking out things that aren’t in my wedding colors), my personal shower (she majorly clashed with my MOH in planning it), who’s doing her hair and makeup, etc. 

I felt it would cause more drama to ask her to step down than to struggle through her steam-roller personality. Because the fact of the matter is, she has done a lot for me and I do appreciate all of it. It’s just hard to remember that when she’s griping and trying to overpower every decision I make. But as I said, I would rather keep our friendship alive and deal with this for a few months than to cut her out and have her make an even bigger scene that would ruin our friendship forever.

But you know your BM and what you can handle, and what your friendship can handle, so before you do anything I would just ask yourself if it’s worth it. 

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