(Closed) BM “replaced me”…Should I “replace” her?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I keep her or replace her?
    Keep her and try to save your friendship, albeit one-sided : (23 votes)
    27 %
    Replace her like she replaced you, she's not a good friend anyway : (59 votes)
    69 %
    Other (explain below). : (3 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1148 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I voted to keep her, but it does have conditions. One: you talk to her and say “hey, I still want to be your BM, it’s just that it’s such short notice, could we maybe go halvsies and I’ll pay you back when I get the money.” Two: keep her if she has already bought the dress (it’s not fair to kick somebody out that has already spent money on your wedding). Three: ask her if she honestly wants to be in your wedding, if not then your decision is made.

    Post # 4
    Member
    818 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I second the idea of talking with her and seeing if you can perhaps pay half now, half later. If you discount what’s happened in the last month or two, is she somebody you’d like to see in your future? If yes, then you may want to keep her in the wedding. Weddings do crazy stuff to some brides, including your friend.

    Post # 6
    Member
    818 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    Sounds like you might as well tell her that you feel it would be best if she weren’t a part of your wedding.  I’m sorry. It seems like weddings really show us who our true friends are and aren’t.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1403 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    After the first part of the story, I was ready to chalk it up to a miscommunication between you and her, but after learning that she cut you off cold turkey and took your name off the website, I would completely understand if you felt that your relationship with her is not happy/healthy enough for her to be your BM now.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

    Replace her, she doesn’t value your friendship from what I’ve read.  Unfortunately, situations like this come up and either you let yourself get walked over or stand up for yourself and have the ones you love most closely around you!

    Post # 9
    Member
    5389 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Hi date twin!!!

    After reading your update, I would suggest that you not have her in your wedding. She doesn’t seem like a good friend. You shouldn’t have to keep making emotional scarafices to be someone’s friend.

    Post # 10
    Member
    273 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    i second what everyone else has said but i would sit down and have a conversation with her about it first.  give her the respect that she didn’t give you.

    Post # 12
    Member
    368 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I’m really sorry this is happening to you. Weddings make people crazy and I think they really do show who your true friends are. If she was a true friend she would at least talk to you about options if you can’t afford the dress right now. I was in a similar situation with a wedding I was in one month after my own. I told her I couldn’t afford it because I was paying for my own wedding, and she shunned me. Talked crap about me, the whole nine. We aren’t even on speaking terms at all. I was so bummed crying every night after it happened, but at some point you have to worry about yourself and only do what is within your means. Unfortunately it seems like money can break up a friendship when it comes to weddings, and to me that’s really sad, but I’d rather know someone’s intentions rather then continue my friendship with that person to be disapointed. I’m so sorry 🙁

    Post # 14
    Member
    1932 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2008

    @kies, I am so sorry! and miss cheeky is right, for some odd reason, weddings really show who your friends are. I lost two bridesmaids, and one of them didn’t even tell me she was backing out of the wedding. I found out from my sister, who doesn’t even know her! I was so hurt. And she never even talked to me about it, after I heard about it from my sister, I talked to my fiance and he told me the whole story (cause the BM was his sister, who I was getting really close to) and said he hadn’t told me before because she had said she’d talk to me. well she never did, and it really hurt me. So I had to ask his other sister to be a Jr. BM to take her place. his sister and I haven’t talked since and I’m so worried this will be a detriment in our future relationship, I hope not.

    My other BM and I have had so many fights during this wedding time too, and we’ve been best friends since 5th grade! It’s so stupid and silly and awful. 

    My sister has been completely amazing through everything though, and I feel we’re actually closer. She is the most selfless person in the world though 🙂

    Post # 15
    Member
    540 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Wow. I say dump her as a bridesmaid and friend. One of my needy bridesmaids is acting like this toward me but it’s mainly because I’m getting married and she wishes that it was her. I don’t call, text or even care. I wish she would call me and drop out to make my life easier. Good luck and don’t let selfish friends bring you down.

    Post # 16
    Hostess
    18646 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Wow, I would drop her as your bridesmaid.  That is so rude of her to just kick you out and all she says is sorry?  If she thought of you as a good friend, she would have make it work.  (I was willing to pay airfare and everything for a bridesmaid to come out.)

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