Post # 1
So far I have had a pretty easy going planning process. But today one of my BM really stepped over the line. I sent everybody an email last week with the info for the BM dress…a pic, the cost, the store, etc. I picked it out with my sister and we fell in love with it. I did not bother asking my BM what they thought because there is no way in heck I would ever get 7 women to agree on one dress. No one has ever asked my opinion before picking out their BM dress, so I did not think that was necessary. The dress is reasonably priced.
Well today one of my oldest friends sends me an email telling me that she showed a pic of my dress to her co-workers and they all thought it was “basic.” She said that it looked like it came from the mall and was not worth the price. She then proceeded to pick out another dress for my consideration.
Is it just me or is she out of her mind?! It is my day and I (along with the MOH) picked out the dress. I politely explained the logistics of picking out a dress for 7 people and she didn’t back down. She only let up when I offered to make her a reader if she didn’t want to buy the dress. Am I crazy or does she have the right to challenge a decision I have already made?
Post # 3
Unless you’re paying for the dress she certainly has the right to say whether or not she thinks the price is worth the dress and to give you opinons. Most people will go with the actual people that have to wear the dress to pick it out. How much is reasonable to you, if you don’t mind me asking?
Post # 4
i don’t think it’s over the line for her to suggest one, no.
for her to refuse to wear your choice. . .now that is another thing. but just to send another option over email, I wouldn’t be offended by that. i would be maybe a little disappointed that she didn’t like the dress you picked.
Post # 5
Well I may be the wrong person to ask, but I didn’t ask all my BMs to come shopping with me and pick out a dress. Everyone lives far away and there just wasn’t time. I also happened to find dresses I love while out shopping with my two best friends.
Post # 6
Am I crazy or does she have the right to challenge a decision I have already made?
although your wedding is important it isnt a dictatorship on other peoples feelings or thoughts so she has the “right” to discuss it with you
i also think you also have the right to say this is the dress ive picked and as long as its not ourtrageously expensive or hideous then i think a BM either needs to suck it up or step aside, you have heard her concerns and thoughts and if they dont sway you its thank you but ive chosen this
Post # 7
I think your BM has a right to have some input on the dress but you of course make the final decision. It’s already too late but it may have been helpful to include your BMs in the choices or show them some options you were considering. Did you ask them what they would be comfortable spending? Reasonable to you may not be reasonable to them especially if they don’t like the dress.
I have worn many a BM dress I hated and felt like the money was a waste as soon as I spent it so it would be nice for the bride to consider the BM feelings even if it is “her day.” Although her approach to you could have been better, your response of demoting her to reader wasn’t helpful either.
Post # 8
@brittneyumd – Your friend probably should’ve been a bit more cautious about how she phrased her thoughts on the dress (which put you on the defensive), but she does have a right to voice her opinion. I don’t know how you went about making the decision, but it’s usually a good idea to share your top choices with your BM’s before announcing your final decision. Your comment about becoming a reader instead of a BM may have been upsetting to her, so I would probably apologize. Hopefully, everything works out for you guys. Just my two cents…
Post # 9
@brittneyumd: I don’t think she’s out of line. Not all dresses look great on everyone. I think if the girls have to pay for a dress, they should at least get a say in it. You could take her suggestion and add it to some others and have vote.
Post # 10
I don’t think the BM is out of line. She has to pay for it, she has to wear it and she has to be comfortable in it. I could understand how she would be annoyed that she wasn’t even asked what type of dress she wanted to wear but just told to be up (been there done that and was sooo pissed).
I too have 7 bridesmaids and I took them all shopping at different times, we tried ona bunch of dresses and narrowed it down to two. then we have people vote and i had the final say. I can honestly say that all 7 of my girls like the dress they’ll be wearing. so yes, it is possible.
Post # 11
I agree with PP. I have been fortunate in being able to pick out every dress I have worn in weddings in my adult lift but if someone picked out something I didn’t like or want to spend the money on, I more than likely would say something. The fact that she said something isn’t out of line but maybe the way she approached it was.
Post # 12
I think it was obnoxious of her. Not so much because it is “challenging your decision” but just because it is rude and against what I consider BM etiquette. I’ve been a BM a bunch of times where we had no input on the dress. I hated some of them, sure, but I bought it, paid for it, got it altered, wore it, and shut my mouth about it to the bride. I did make fun of them with other BMs though. That is the way you are supposed to deal with that situation. It is one of the only real “duties” that a BM has.
Post # 13
But if these girls are your friends, surely you’d prefer it if the dress is something they like/might consider wearing again? I mean I’ve only been a BM once, but the Bride pays for the dresses over here, so even though it was horrible, I just got on with it. Would it not be easier for everyone concerned if you picked a fabric and colour and let them each pick a style they like?
It just seems to me like this could be the kind of row that lasts long after the wedding. I mean I know they *should* wear the dress you pick, but isn’t it better if they don’t wind up resenting you for it? Or you feeling like you had to bully them into it?
Best of luck with it. At least you still have plenty of time to sort it out.
Post # 14
I would have agreed with the PP if she said she felt uncomfortable with the style of the dress or couldn’t afford it or something like that but saying she showed it to her coworkers and they thought it was basic and looked like it came from the mall so here is another suggestion is crossing the line to me.
Post # 15
Gonna have to say I agree with the rest she wasn’t out of line to suggest something else. She does have to pay after all. I agree with you too though that you can’t please all 7 of them.
I definately think you over reacted