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Eek! Well she probably is struggling with some of her own things, and may have trasfered some onto you. Perhaps she wishes she would be having a baby at that time or she is just genuinely concerned for you!
Also she didn't say you should never consider just not right away. I hope you can patch things up with her and have a wonderful wedding with her!
This might be her plan and she couldn't understand why someone would want to do something different. I would just let it go and not let the awkwardness continue. Just go back to normal.
i wonder is she is possible a little jealous, maybe she thought she would have kids before you. And if thats the case I am sure it would be a subconcious reaction.
Has she been trying to get pregnant at all, if she was having trouble with falling pregnant that could explain such an extreme reaction as well.
yea its probably a jealousy thing. My sister tells me not to have kids until I'm 30 (which is quite a few years away). I think she just wants to be able to catch up with where I am in my life.
yea its probably a jealousy thing. My sister tells me not to have kids until I'm 30 (which is quite a few years away). I think she just wants to be able to catch up with where I am in my life.
@Firie: She's a person that has always been set in her ways... I've pretty much dealt with it our entire relationship. She said she wont' even consider getting pregnant until her 2 year anni. I just dont want to get married, get pregnant, and then have her disapprove rather than be happy for me like any other true friend would be.
Don't let her be the reason you put off children!!!!That's solely between you and your man to decide. Don't let a friend be a factor in that. It's your life, not hers.
I agree with the other bee's and I agree with you. Get married and have children! No one is ever 100% ready for that! And every person is different. It's hard dealing with people (specially those close to us) that are too set in their ways to be open to anything else or be understanding that what's good for them, isn't going to be good for everyone.
If you have a little one, it will be next to impossible for her not to be happy for you! They are too darn cute! But if for any reason she is... well that just doesn't sound like much of a supportive friend. =\ I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Extra stress of any kind isn't very welcoming.
Thank you all for the support. It's always been hard hearing stuff from her and I should have known not to get too upset. I just really wanted to vent about it and it helped!!!
An update on the situation:
She sent me an uncalled for text out of the blue that normally I would deal with, but with all that has happened, I am over it. Just to clarify, this baby comment wasn't the first or last comment that she made that got me riled up. So I told her how I felt and the ball is now in her court. I am sad to say that I doubt that she will be in my wedding now and she will stay out of my life until she learns to grow up. :( This makes me so sad but I'm so tired of being stressed out over this shit! anyways thank you all again for all the support. You helped me understand that I wasn't going crazy and that I need to move on with MY life.
I feel like maybe she just went about saying it in a very wrong way perhaps? I think a lot of people think it's good to wait on kids for a year or two (depending on your age I guess, please no one take offense, I just mean for biological clock reasons lol) because many people think newly weds should go travel and see the world/do all the things that aren't so easy to do once you have a newborn/new family... My newly married best friend and I have had a discussion about this and she's planning on waiting far longer than me (I totally just bought a 5 pack of onesies that I originally was giving as a gift but now that I love the patterns so much that I am packing them away in my cedar chest for a few years from now ;) ) My fiance and I want to wait at least a year until we're settled into a place we want to live/nice community and with jobs we like (we plan on relocating after the wedding) so it may be 2 years even... If you want to start right away, that's absolutely up to your FH and you and she should 100% support you, but to have a discussion about why waiting a little while might not be a bad idea isn't a terrible offense I don't think... Unless she came off bitchy :)
@flyawaycricket: I'm so sorry! Gah and here I thought it was just getting better! That's really too bad. But it's good that you can be grown up about it and not let it stress you!
"for me and my religion with marraige comes starting a family and having kids" and I feel like a close friend should know that and respect it. I'm the same way. and honestly i'm really glad to have found someone else who is!
Sounds jealous. Or threatened. I think it can sometimes be rough to adjust to good friends having babies since their priorities shift.
I keep hearing the same thing from people, but in a more subtle way. But then they say to me, "well you guys have been living together for over two years, and had a 1.5 year long engagement, and have traveled all over together....so it makes sense that marriage means starting a family.." This girl sounds out of line and it sounds (from your update) that she just didn't take the hint after repeatedly being out of line. A real friend will be happy that you know what you want and that your FH is on the same page.
Having a child is a decision between the husband and wife, not the husband, wife, and bridesmaid. She sounds like she has control issues (or jealousy as others have said). A true friend respects your wishes, and doesn't impose their beliefs onto you. You wouldn't stand for her trying to convert you to a different religion, right? This is no different.. it's a personal choice, and for the record, it's YOUR uterus not hers! You're better off surrounding yourself with supportive people. Just imagine - when you do have a child, she'll probably be FULL of unwanted advice and stressing you out even more!!
I'm sorry you are going through this! Like you said, the ball is now in her court. And honestly, if she can't make the effort, she doesn't deserve to be in your wedding or your life. My MOH sounds just like her and sometimes I wished I had had the courage to tell her how I felt before my wedding. Six months after DH and I married I just gave up- she was clearly going to be bitter, judgmental, and unhappy no matter what I did- and we haven't spoken in over a year. Now she's in all my wedding photos- ick.
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So I was having a convo with my BM and told her how cute my FI was when he saw baby stuff on sale at the store the other day. She flipped out and told me that I better not be having a baby anytime soon. She then proceeded to lecture me on how having a baby during the first year of marriage is just plain stupid and that I don't know what I'd be getting into. We then got into an argument because I told her not to judge what I want to do with my life. I've been dating my FI for several years now and for me and my religion with marraige comes starting a family and having kids. I finally told her that I never judged her for how quickly she moved in with her FI and got engaged... The subject got quickly changed, the rest of the conversation was awkward, and we haven't spoken since... Idk I just felt like venting this.. and hoping someone could shed some light on why she reacted the way she did and if I should even worry about what she said and just live my own life.