Post # 1
I have a friend who got engaged 6 months after me and I asked her before she got engaged to be my BM. When she did get engaged, she asked me to be in her wedding. Of course, I said yes! I was so happy for my best friend. She said they didn’t want to get married for 2 years and by the time they were planning hers..I’d be able to help her.
My wedding date had been picked out for about 9 months, engaged for 12 mo. So, 2 months ago…she tells me she’s getting married 3 months before me.
At first, I didn’t think it was a big deal but now that she hasn’t really been there for me to help with anything it’s starting to bother me. I am very happy for her. Don’t think she thought planning would be so much work and money.
She did mention that I stole her wedding colors…which is crazy bc I have had it on my pinterest board for over a year. Then, she makes comments to her other BMs like “Oh shes having a huge over the top wedding bc her parents are paying for so she gets whatever she wants.”
Whenever I call her to do something, she tells me she’s busy. She’s never made it to my bridesmaid stuff either. I’ve made it to all her bridesmaid functions.
I just feel at this point, annoyed with her wedding being before mine. At the most recent bridesmaid function, she made a comment to her SIL that “I’m getting five star wedding that is a huge waste of money. That my parents are paying for everything-unlike her wedding.” I never asked for her to compare our weddings, I would never purposely make her feel bad. She told me that she couldn’t afford a photographer, that she had a breakdown, and her FI said that she isn’t having a wedding like mine…
Can’t wait for all of this petty bs to be in the past and have my old friend back… it’s these little things that have been bothering me and I finally get to vent.
Am I just taking this too personal?
Has anyone had something like this happen?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre
Just sounds like jealousy, and her feeling inadequate. I would try to be understanding, but keep your expectations really low and try to be there for her as much as possible. Then hopefully after her wedding she’ll be able to step up with the last minute things.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
So she picked her date in November, and is getting married in April? Basically a 5-6 month planning period, if I understand correctly? If so, no wonder she’s not “there” for you.
We had a 6-month engagement, and I wouldn’t have been able to spend time on another friend’s wedding. It sounds like your friend is stressed, and it may be getting the best of her, with some of her comments- I think she’s way out of line.
OP- I’m not sure what bridesmaid “functions” you are having, or what you are asking her for when “I call her to do something”- is this wedding related, or just to spend time together? Maybe in order to get through the “wedding madness,” you might have to be the bigger, better friend, and offer HER help.
Post # 5
@_Adelaide_: You’re right. Thanks for the advice.
Post # 6
@rebwana: I offer her what help I can but I’m planning a large (almost 200) wedding that has been planned for.
For bridal functions, we tried on dresses together, engagement dinner with the bridal party, and I invited her to do our registries/invites/etc together and she blows me off. It hurts my feelings. I’ve gone to all of her dress shopping appts, bridesmaid dress shopping (when she said the comment), and even looking at florists, flower girl dresses. Heck, I even drive 30 minutes to pick her up and pay for her to eat out with me. It’s not like I haven’t been there for her at all. I just wish she wouldn’t be throwing me under the bus when I am helping a lot more than her other bridesmaids considering I am planning my own wedding.
You’re right-she is very stressed… weddings are stressful.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t be worried about her not being there to help you plan – none of my five bridespeople are engaged and only two are in relationships yet only two of them have been at all helpful in planning and with one of them it’s like pulling teeth. And even still, all they are doing is offering opinions when I call or email them with stuff. And with your wedding not until June, what all bridesmaids events could you possibly have anyway other than the dress selecting??
The part that would piss me off is her snotty comments. Seriously, next time she makes one you NEED to tell her those are inappropriate and out of control.
Post # 8
@distracts: I’m very soft spoken and am always politically correct. Yep, I’m that girl who holds everything in :(Which is why I love weddingbee so much…
I need to tell her how I really feel, next time. The comments are wearing me down.
I won’t be expecting her to help anymore. Your post helped soo much!! Thank u!
Post # 9
Just a month or two after I got engaged, two or three of FI’s best friends popped up with rings for their gfs and boom they’re all getting married before us. The girls probably realize that their fi’s proposed to compete with us, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it. If ur bridesmaid had her way, she might’ve waited till after ur wedding to get engaged altogether. A girl kinda has to say yes when she is asked and they can’t always choose when they’re proposed to. But on the other hand, she could set a date behind urs.
Post # 10
@SunshineLovin: I agree with PP’s sounds like she is jealous and wants hers first so people wont compare hers to yours. Also, parents paying is normal. She should chill!
Post # 11
@SunshineLovin: If you want to be non-confrontational about it, next time she makes a snippy comment about how you’re getting everything you want because your parents are paying for your wedding, just say something oblivious sounding like, “Yes, my parents are paying for my dream wedding and I couldn’t be more excited about it!!” and then any time she makes a jab like that at your wedding, just take the opportunity to talk about how awesome your wedding is and how thankful you are that your parents are being so gracious as to pay for it. If it’s jealousy speaking, that will shut her up.
Post # 12
@SunshineLovin: maybe she should rethink her wedding timeline and give her and her FH a few years to save instead of rushing it. it sounds to me like shes trying to beat you down the isle and that’s soOoOo unclassy of her. Ohh well sounds to me like due to her rushing she might have a lower budget wedding then she imagined and her giving you crap for having the wedding of your dreams caz your parents can afford it is not cool she does not sound like much of a friend to me right now shes being a frienimy to you. sorry your going thru this with your friend.
wedding planning can bring out the worst in women sometimes when $$ is an issue
Post # 14
@SunshineLovin: A couple of the comments she supposedly made you heard through her other BMs and the SIL. Maybe you should talk directly to her about these comments as in, “Hey, so and so mentioned XYZ. Did you say these things?” Then you get it direct from her and you can talk about it.
Post # 15
@SunshineLovin: Jealousy is an ugly, ugly thing. She’s comparing herself with you and trying to make you look bad/unworthy. I also wouldn’t be surprised if she picked her date to be before yours on purpose, possibly to draw attention from you and onto herself. = Confront her about her comments, they’re completely out of line and unnecessary. She doesn’t sound like she’s being a good friend. 🙁
Post # 16
I can only imagine! I’m sorry, I’m the soft-spoken one too and I absolutely hate confrontation, so I would’ve probably avoided it all together. BUt maybe say, I’m not trying to upstage you, if you remember correctly I was engaged before you. Also, I don’t appreciate you talking badly about me, when all I’ve done is be there for you while I’m planning my own wedding.” You are right, it’s so stressful, it’ll all be worth it in the end though 🙂