BM vlogged about not wanting to be in wedding

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3165 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@DanceawaytheNight:  Do you have more details? What do you mean she vlogged about it? If I were you, It would depend what exactly she said & I’d confront her. No need to waste my day hanging out with a phony friend. Sell the dress if you need to.

Post # 4
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

Forget the cost, I’d get rid of her (not ask her to step down…tell her you saw her post and you don’t want her standing beside you if she’s not happy to be beside you on your special day).  My best friend got rid of a bridesmaid before the wedding and we had odd numbers (more males than females) but it worked out fine!

Post # 5
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Surprised *Yikes*

That’s not good at all.

If she’s blogging mean things about your Wedding, then she doesn’t deserve to be a Bridesmaid.

(Someone needs to explain to her what the symbolism is for being a Bridesmaid “Standing Up in support of someone being married really means”… it isn’t just a chance to wear a pretty dress / photo op)

Infact, I’d be having second thoughts about having her as a Guest.

QUESTION – What kind of friend does this sh!t ?

ANSWER – NOT ONE OF MINE !!

 

Post # 6
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

If she’s got a public YouTube channel…that was very foolish of her to upload it!

Post # 8
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@orchidblooms:  +1. Get rid of her. Even if she doesn’t want to be in your wedding party, she should be able to keep hermouth shut about it.

Editted to say that I just read your update, and I think the fact that she’s going to have just had a baby changes the story, at least for me. If she’s uncomfortable, she should have said something to you, but this is a really good opportunity to let her decide to stand down; say something like, “I know I asked you to be a BM when you were pregnant, and you agreed, but I don’t know if I realized how much stress and work it must be for you to have a newborn. If you’d like to step down from being in the wedding party, I totally understand, and would love to have you as a guest instead.”

Post # 9
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Based on your other thread, she’s also shown about zero interest in taking part in your wedding since the beginning.  Offer her an out and save yourself some stress.

Post # 10
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

At the very least, I’d still let her know that you saw the video and that you don’t mind her stepping down at all since she feels this way so that she can just focus on the new baby.  Leave it at that…I wouldn’t upset someone who is pregnant, I’d just let it be.

Post # 11
Member
3165 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@DanceawaytheNight:  Thats pretty dumb & insensitive of her to vlog about it when she knows people can see it. I understand you are in a tough spot since shes going to be family, but you dont have to be best friends, just cordial. I would confront her & say you are hurt & now understand she doesnt want to take part in your day due to her being a new mom. Shes welcome as a guest, but you think itd be less stress for you both if she steps down. No money lost on her part, so how could she be mad?

Post # 12
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@HannahGrace:  She vlogged?  attention issues, much?

She has to know you have access to that, right?  Was this her weird way of getting you to kick her out?

Post # 13
Hostess
9903 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@DanceawaytheNight:  is it possible she posted it knowing you’d see it as a passive aggressive way to try and get out of being in the wedding?

Post # 14
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Yeah, sell or re-purpose the dress and tell her (civilly) that you saw her post and are happy to let her go. I’m with TTR above in not knowing if I would even want her as a guest. Maybe invite her to be the bigger person? I doubt that the embarrassment she’ll surely feel when you approach her will encourage her to attend. Also, I’ve gotta think she wanted you to see that video–at least subconsciously. I mean, who does that?

ETA: Just saw your update. Invite her, but tell her you saw the vlog and–while you’re hurt she went to YouTube instead of directly to you–you understand. And, hey! If the whole family has access to her channel, there really should be no drama on your end (maybe hers)! Still pretty lame she took that route, though.

Post # 15
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@DanceawaytheNight:  I would give her the option to bow out. Tell her that you know she doesn’t want to be part of ypur day, and you understand the reason why… So do everyone a favor and just be a guest. Forget the cost of the dress.

Post # 16
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would just let her know that you watched the video, and that you understand if she’d like to step down. Honestly, it seems to me like she wanted you to get that message, otherwise she wouldn’t have said so publicly.

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