(Closed) BM wants us to pay for her airplane ticket from London to Texas

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Just say you can’t afford it, but give her an out–as in, she can step down if money’s a concern, no hard feelings. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Statutory Grape: I agree with this suggestion. It’s really not your responsibility, and if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Any chance there are parents or family that could step in and help? Anyone with frequent flyer miles to donate? Possibly you could agree to help her out somewhat…like buy her dress and give her a little bit toward the tickets? I wouldn’t even suggest all of these latter things if it wasn’t for the fact that it’s your fiance’s sister…

Post # 5
Member
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would pool in.. ask friends and family like @sapphirebride: suggested. That way the whole family is responsible for getting her over here and the burden wont be on you guys. If after asking family and you still cant you will just have to be a diplomat.

Post # 6
Member
674 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Why don’t FI’s parents pay for her to come in?

Post # 7
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Just explain to her that the two of you aren’t financially stable enough to pay for a wedding, buy a home and pay for her to come over all at once and if money’s an issue then there’d be no hard feelings if she wasn’t able to be a BM or come to the wedding. If she really wants to be there she’ll find a way – and I definitely 2nd all of sapphirebride’s suggestions but if you can’t do it then you can’t do it. There’s not much else that you can do about that.

Post # 8
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

1) say no.

2) help her search for cheap flights.

3) suggest she ask her parents.

Post # 9
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am in the opposite position, as in I am the one that lives abroad and my family is having to come over here for the wedding.  My parents are paying for the flights for two of my brothers, as they are both in university and otherwise would not be attending the wedding.  It is a wedding present to me, from my parents, to have my whole family at my wedding.  It would not feel right if they were not there, simply because of money.  Why doesn’t your fiance’s sister see if her parents can help her out?

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It’s not your job, say you cannot afford it! A ticket like that isn’t cheap. Does anybody have any airline miles that would help? Maybe her parents will pay for it, but really, she’s a big girl, she can buy her own ticket and budget for it.

I think “etiquette”-wise, the nice thing to do is pay for the dress. i’ve always heard this is the way to do things and it’s how i’ve always seen things done, just as a courtesy to not set the whole cost on a bridesmaid. For your FSIL, i think it’d be nice, but wouldn’t be like “hey here’s a $120 ticket!” either!

Post # 11
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

maybe offer to pay for her hotel?  or say you can only chip in half?

Post # 12
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with PPs…. say sorry but no and ask your FI to talk to his parents or your FSIL to talk to her parents.

It’s a tough situation but she knew the date before she went abroad and accepted being a BM.

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