Post # 1
So my fiancee’s sister is in law school and is studying abroad in London this year. FI and I got engaged in December and set our October date pretty immediately thereafter. His sister, who is also a BM previously asked us to pay for her airplane ticket from London to Texas for our wedding (mind you, she decided to study abroad after we set the date, asked her to be a BM, etc.). FI kind of blew her off saying “Right, we’re house hunting, planning a wedding…can’t really do it.” So apparently she sent him a text tonight asking us to pay for her ticket again. I was in law school a few years ago, so I understand the low cash situation, but she spent the summer working at a firm making pretty good money. We really can’t help since we have so many expenses. Any tips on how to be diplomatic about saying no again? Definitely annoyed with the situation, but don’t want to anger the new in-laws. Any input would be appreciated! 🙂
Post # 3
Just say you can’t afford it, but give her an out–as in, she can step down if money’s a concern, no hard feelings. Good luck!
Post # 4
@Statutory Grape: I agree with this suggestion. It’s really not your responsibility, and if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Any chance there are parents or family that could step in and help? Anyone with frequent flyer miles to donate? Possibly you could agree to help her out somewhat…like buy her dress and give her a little bit toward the tickets? I wouldn’t even suggest all of these latter things if it wasn’t for the fact that it’s your fiance’s sister…
Post # 5
I would pool in.. ask friends and family like @sapphirebride: suggested. That way the whole family is responsible for getting her over here and the burden wont be on you guys. If after asking family and you still cant you will just have to be a diplomat.
Post # 6
Why don’t FI’s parents pay for her to come in?
Post # 7
Just explain to her that the two of you aren’t financially stable enough to pay for a wedding, buy a home and pay for her to come over all at once and if money’s an issue then there’d be no hard feelings if she wasn’t able to be a BM or come to the wedding. If she really wants to be there she’ll find a way – and I definitely 2nd all of sapphirebride’s suggestions but if you can’t do it then you can’t do it. There’s not much else that you can do about that.
Post # 8
1) say no.
2) help her search for cheap flights.
3) suggest she ask her parents.
Post # 9
I am in the opposite position, as in I am the one that lives abroad and my family is having to come over here for the wedding. My parents are paying for the flights for two of my brothers, as they are both in university and otherwise would not be attending the wedding. It is a wedding present to me, from my parents, to have my whole family at my wedding. It would not feel right if they were not there, simply because of money. Why doesn’t your fiance’s sister see if her parents can help her out?
Post # 10
It’s not your job, say you cannot afford it! A ticket like that isn’t cheap. Does anybody have any airline miles that would help? Maybe her parents will pay for it, but really, she’s a big girl, she can buy her own ticket and budget for it.
I think “etiquette”-wise, the nice thing to do is pay for the dress. i’ve always heard this is the way to do things and it’s how i’ve always seen things done, just as a courtesy to not set the whole cost on a bridesmaid. For your FSIL, i think it’d be nice, but wouldn’t be like “hey here’s a $120 ticket!” either!
Post # 11
maybe offer to pay for her hotel? or say you can only chip in half?
Post # 12
I agree with PPs…. say sorry but no and ask your FI to talk to his parents or your FSIL to talk to her parents.
It’s a tough situation but she knew the date before she went abroad and accepted being a BM.
Post # 13
Thanks for the input guys! I agree that the tricky part is that she’s FI’s sister. Unfortunately, his parents don’t really have the cash to pitch in. They’ve already hinted that they would want us to pay for FI’s older brother’s (the guy is 35 yo!) tux rental as well. I am already paying for about 80% of the wedding myself (FI is pitching in the other 20%+paying for the honeymoon). The part that annoyed me was FI’s sister texting him to ask me to see if I’d pay for her ticket and to remind me that I was a student once too. I’ll see if we can pay for the bridesmaid dress or, if she already paid for the dress, give her cash in that amount.