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definitly talk to her about this. dont be rude or anything like that but politely ask her why she hasn't ordered her dress. maybe something else is going on with her that you dont know about. explain to her why she needs to order the dress by the end of january and that everyone else has already ordered their dresses.
I'm not saying pay for her dress, but what if you put the deposit down now and have her repay you later when she is back on her feet. When her dress comes in just ask her for the money then. It might save you a lot of headache and stress and your other BM's never have to know.
My uncle lost him job the week after we went dress shopping so all of my girls had the deposit, but my cousin obv. hadn't paid for hers so I didn't say anything and put the money in up front. Noone even knows that I did that for her. Thankfully my uncle is working again so when the dresses arive I will just bring it up then.
I would say definitely talk to her about it. Casually ask her in talking if she has had a chance to go by the boutique to order her dress. Even though you know the answer is no, it will at least open up the gates to be discussed. When she answers no, if she does not give you a reason, maybe just ask her if she needs help with the deposit at least. Explain that there is an urgency in getting it ordered quickly and the other dresses cannot be ordered without hers. I am sure she has either been to busy that time has escaped her or she is probably feeling pretty bad for not doing this yet.
I had a bridesmaid that took a while to order her dress as well. My siutation is different than yours though. She has ordered it now, but I am sure she had to pay a fee to have it rushed. All my maids ordered theirs way before she did. It can get a little frustrating, but just talk to her about it. 3 of my maids told me if I had not sent my occasional "How are we coming along on the dresses" emails they would have never realized that it was so close already.
Could you put the deposit down at least and keep it on the DL in regards to your other BMs? That's what I would do...
i'm unemployed and my friend offered to pay for part of my dress for her wedding, of course keeping it hush hush with the other bridesmaids. i didn't feel embarrased or bad about it at all, i was very grateful! i would talk to her about it, and if she needs help with the deposit, it might be a good idea to bring that up.
I'd just call her up to remind her about it to start the conversation going. If it does turn out that she can't afford it, I'd front the money for her, as a "loan" but I wouldn't really expect her to pay me back.
What designer dresses are you getting? My girls will order their dresses in Feb and my wedding is in July. Since your wedding is in September, I'm confused about why they need to be ordered to early.
@ Jacqui: The boutique said that if the dresses are ordered by January, that they should get them by May or so. This way, they aren't rushed to get alterations done, etc (and just in case the designer is running behind they still get them in time to have everything done).
Bella
Hmm.. you can't really put down a deposit if you don't know her size. B/c she will be paying the rest, so she should be able to choose. I would call her and say you need her measurements and if she needs help with the deposit you can pay for it.
Yes, you can call her and ask for her measurements and help her with her deposit.
I will say...that is a LOT of time for alterations... If you're going with a reputable designer, I don't think there's any reason it has to be done this quickly - you can push back on the store. Alterations on BM dresses are not nearly as complicated as alterations on wedding gowns...
You probably have a little bit more flexibility in timing the order than the boutique is telling you. Would it help your BM if you pushed back the order deadline a bit? Three months is a pretty big cushion - your girls won't need 3 months to get there dresses altered. I may just be a super procrastinator, but I've never gotten a BM dress altered more than a month before the wedding :)
I also think 9 months is way early to be ordering dresses. I think boutiques pressure us so we don't change our minds and go elsewhere. Mine did, they said it would take 5-6 months for Vineyard and they arrived in 7 weeks! I would say ordering 5 months out would be really safe. Plus if they get their dresses in May they may lose weight in the 4 months especially over the summer- the more time elapses the more changes needed.
Call another boutique that carries the same dress and as what is the latest time. Then you could give your friend an extra couple of months.. worse case lend her the deposit money
Try talking to her and explaining that'd you'd be willing to help if she doesn't tell anyone. :o) That's my best advice.
@ everyone who mentioned measurements - She already had her measurements done back in November. All she needs to do is call the place and give them a 40% (they can take a credit card over the phone or she can mail in a check, etc).
Regarding how far ahead the boutique wants the dresses ordered - I had to have my dress for a friend's wedding ordered in November and the wedding was the end of July, so it's not too unreasonable I suppose to want them this early. I don't know, that's really what I have to go on is my experience with my friend's wedding.
Thanks!
Bella
My advice is to talk to her first. After being in the hospital, having complications, and being off work, it is probably not in the forefront of her mind. And if it is, she may be worried about if she can pay for it, and whether or not it will still look good if she has scarring. She may also have gained a little weight since she's been inactive. If it is a money issue and you can afford to pay for it, do. If she feels weird about that, tell her that it's just a loan and she can pay you back when she's up and running again. Meanwhile, the other BM's don't have to know and even if they did, it isn't like you're paying for hers and not theirs just for kicks.
To those who suggested I pay for the dress, or pay the deposit (call it a loan without expecting to be re-paid), etc.:
We are working with a fairly small budget now (we are buying a house soon so having a smaller wedding than originally planned), and since my FMIL and FFIL were both laid off we are already having to pay for their rental and dress purchase too, along with our nephew's (most likely). Unfortunately, I just can't afford to pay for her dress, but I really don't know how to handle this without coming across as rude or insensitive. :(
Bella
I think this is a difficult situation for both of you. You need to talk to her about it, she may have no idea that it needs to be paid for now. Also it sounds like your boutique is just worried you will go elsewhere. Nine months is a ridiculously long time beforehand to get dresses!! It really can wait another month or two. If your BM says she doesn't have the money right now, then call the store and tell them you will not be ordering the dresses for another month. Repeat this process next month. If you get to March and she still can't pay, you may need to pay for her. I understand your wedding budget is tight, but I had many many unexpected expenses I had to pay for, and I don't regret having done it. If it's important to you to include her in your wedding, you may need to make a sacrifice to do it.
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Ok, so this is a touchy subject I'm sure, but it's something I need help with. I have a friend who is also one of my bridesmaids (I have 2 BM and 1 MOH), who is in college full-time and works too. She was injured and has been out of work for a little bit and has been in the hospital due to injury complications. Before all of that, my mom, MOH and this BM went with me to pick out BM dresses (in November). Since then, the other BM and MOH have both put down deposits on their dresses but my other BM has not and the boutique is pressuring me that they all need to order by the end of this month (January) to make sure that the dresses are in, in time for alterations, etc. (for our September wedding). The shop also says they can't put the other dress orders in without hers because they won't come from the same dye lot and therefore wouldn't be the same color. I don't know how to handle this delicately - she has already been measured, etc, but hasn't put in her deposit so everything is on hold. The shop said they will call her on the 31st or so to follow-up with her. Should I just leave this in their court and let them handle it or? I can't really pay for her dress and not the others, and it's a pretty small wedding anyways with the budget we are working with (40 people tops).
Thoughts??
Thanks!
Bella