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I think its perfeclty normal to feel that way. You got engaged first and obviously you've been thinking of your wedding and this feels like she is stealing your thunder. I think its okay to feel like that for a while but soon enough you'll realize that your wedding is still a year away and you really can't blame someone for getting engaged now and picking a date before yours. Also now it can be really fun for the two of you to help eachother wedding plan!
That's about a year long engagement, which is pretty standard. No reason to be upset. You can't expect her to put her life on hold because she's a BM in your wedding.
Just remember that her engagement/wedding has nothing to do with yours!
I don't know... I would definately be bothered! It's like she's trying to steal your thunder or something: that happened to my MIL and a friend of mine that got married in september. NOT CLASSY AT ALL!
I know - that is completely true - I totally get that I cannot bags the entire year to myself....yet for some reason it does get to me. It is totally selfish and unnecessary for me to feel this way. Even though we share so many friends, I am sure our day will still be special.
Talk about being a bridezilla - its so stupid! argh.
Is it possible that some of your emtion is from worry that she may bow put of your wedding,now with so much for her to do regarding her own wedding?
I dont think so? Mabye because we share so many close friends...i am worried that having another wedding so soon to ours with so many of the same guests...will take the shine out of ours? Argh. I hate myself for even feeling this way. Its very self absorbed and not the person I want to be.
Any normal person would be esatic for their friend...perhaps given some time I will get over myself!
I have a friend who set their date for the week before our wedding! they way i look at it is I can see what didnt work for her wedding and tweek things so they dont happen at mine! Im helping her plan hers too! I think it exciting to get to share such a huge time with eachother!
Friends of ours got engaged after us and married 2 weeks before us. Honestly, it was great to compare notes and stuff. She totally understood when my stress level was getting the best of me.
You are not a horrible person for feeling this way! Your feelings are natural. I'd be feeling the same. It's gonna be really tough squeezing two weddings in that close together with a large circle of mutual friends. That means two showers, within weeks of each other, and two weddings within two weeks of each other. Therefore, people having to spend money on DOUBLE the stuff. If I knew someone close to me was getting married and when, I'd purposely make sure my wedding was at least a couple of months after theirs. It's different when weddings occur close but don't involve too many of the same friends or relatives. When you've gotta share a portion of your guest lists, someone's gonna end up getting cheated.
I'd just do what everyone else has said and use her wedding as a guide for your own. There have been a lot of weddings recently and even though they've all been far away from my own. I've used their weddings to my advantage. I've taken mental notes on how make my wedding more of a success, based on what I've experienced at these other weddings.
i dont think you are abnormal for feeling this way at all. of course you know how you are "supposed" to feel, which is the advice you will get. but at the same time you can't help it. The best way to move past it is to completely focus your energy on your wedding and just try not to think about hers so much!
It's totally not abnormal. There will be good days when you're planning together, and then there will be days where you totally get irritated at her. My best advice (I've been there :)), is to just try to keep yourself grounded and don't always hold yourself to a perfect standard where you feel like you have to pretend you're not bothered by things. Use weddingbee and your family to vent as needed :). But, all in all, it's pretty awesome to have a wedding buddy!
@mrsWtobe: I can see a way of this working out. By the time of her wedding, all of your major events like tastings and dress purchases will be completed. Make sure your bridal shower is not near hers. Make yours like late September and make sure the bridal party knows the date early.
Can you talk to her about it? Just tell her you do not want her to be extra stressed. In the midst of her buying wedding stuff, she still has to plan your shower(s), Bach party, buy her dress, shoes, jewelry, and help assembly invites et al. Ask her if she will be up to is?
Since you are getting married in November, tell the bridal party all dresses need to be purchased by August 1st. That gives it time to come in and for alterations. The BM getting married will know the date and can factor it into her budget.
Good luck dear!
I experienced something similar. Although she wasn't my BM, one of my friends got engaged after us and got married 3 weeks before us. I was very happy for them, but was bothered by the fact that she "stole" some of my ideas for table numbers and programs. I decided to let the negative feelings subside and think of it as a compliment because she liked my ideas so much! Good luck!
Yes! What you said !!
I was the maid of honor in my best friends wedding and got married 3 weeks after she did. When my husband and I were trying to set our a date for our wedding, her date was the farthest thing from my mind. We were too busy seeing what would work for both of us and our close close families. The date fell 3 weeks before hers. Let me tell you: I was a darn good MOH because I could totally relate to EVERYTHING she was going through. PLUS: We had a kick butt bachelorette party together. It was fun talking on the phone commiserating with each other.
Again, setting our date had absolutely nothing to do with trying to steal anyones thunder- it's all about what works for the couple and their families in the crazy world of wedding planning. Just think: She'll be a better bridesmaids for it- TRUST ME! :)
Also- we had totally different weddings- mines was a destination and hers was in her home town.
Ohh- and the comment about NOT CLASSY AT ALL- that is so not fair to say.
Another reason why we picked our wedding date was because my mother is ill and I wanted to be %100 sure she would be present for my wedding so we did it in 6 months after the engagement and again, it just so happen to be 3 weeks from my best friends.
GOOD LUCK and have a blast planning TOGETHER !! :)
I was in a similar situation my FI and I got engaged on a sat in april. One of my best friend got engaged 3 days after me just outta the blue, when her now FI had the ring since Nov( he waited over 5 months?) ... Believe me I was pissed. Not to mention we have same bridesmaids and shes getting married in July and asked if i could care if she booked the same country club I already booked and started paying for!... Its totally normal to feel that way. Hopefully you guys can get past it and enjoy sharing the wedding planning.... we havent overcame that hurddle yet..
I've been engaged 6 months and we're not marrying until 2014, so there is every chance friends might marry before us. One of my friends has been travelling for 15 months, and got involved with a guy while she was away; she's been with him about 10 months, and I suspect they might be considering engagement (visa/residency issues). Now I KNOW it's utterly ridiculous for this to bother me, but it does. I think mainly because of two reasons: first, I've been with my OH for nearly 6 years, so I would feel a bit put out by my friend marrying before us when they've not been together very long. Second, there's a close group of 4 of us, and everyone can't wait to be bridesmaid as it'll be the first wedding in our group; I've always kind of thought that I'd be the first to marry as we've been together so long, as have my friends, and I do kind of want them to be BMs at mine first, rather than it just be 'round two' so to speak.
So I can totally relate to how you feel. I KNOW I'm being ridiculous and a complete bridezilla, and I know it's crazy, esp as ours is so long away! I KNOW our wedding isn't the centre of everyone's lives, and I'm so laid-back about everything else that it's unreal. But I just can't help feeling a bit put out when I think about someone 'stealing our thunder'.
Unfortunately, there's not really much you can do, apart from grin and bear it. Maybe speak to her if you're concerned about how involved she'll be, and ask if she's still cool with being BM and will still be able to attend dress fittings etc what with planning hers. But my biggest advice would be to try to see the positives: look at it as having someone to share you excitement with, someone who really understands all the emotions and stresses involved in planning a wedding, who you can share ideas with, etc, and just make it something fun :-)
@mrsWtobe: Something to consider is that your wedding is a year away, and you are having a late fall wedding. Most people (though not all) prefer spring, summer, and fall weddings.... so if she wanted a fall wedding, what were her options? Wait a whole extra year just to keep from stepping on toes?
When we set our wedding date, we had 2 other weddings we were planning around, as well as graduations. We weren't worried about whether or not our weddings were before anyone elses, we were simply worried about finding a wedding that was a) not on the same weekend as the other weddings and b) right for us. Our wedding ended up being the last of the 3 b/c it was best for us, but if having it first had been best, we would have done it.
Be happy for your friend, have fun planning together, and remember that it gives you a chance to experiance an extra wedding before you have yours. Your day will be no less special b/c hers was first.
I agree with PP that it is natural to feel that way. We are having an 18 month engagement. In that time one of my BMs got engaged and married! She was in a definite hurry. I just am enjoying myself and not stressing out over planning. I kinda laugh to myself when she says "Oh, I've been there!" But like PP said I learned A LOT from her wedding first hand that I will make sure to avoid at mine. :)
Totally know how you feel hun. I’ve been engaged for 5 months and been with my fiancé for 3 ½ years. Last weekend my fiance’s best man got engaged to his gf (they had only been together about 6months.. not that that matters but still annoying to me) and they were thinking of having their wedding a week before ours which REALLY annoyed me, but now they have changed it to 4 months before ours.. which still annoys me! It feels like they are trying to get one up on us and beat us to it (even though I know theyre not doing it intentionally) and it also feels like they are taking away our special moment as silly as that sounds. I know that everyone is entitled to their own day but I still feel like it’s a bit inconsiderate of them to just go and get married before us like that. I don’t know how to stop feeling like this either L I really hope this feeling goes away and we can just be happy for them and not worry. Keep your chin up hun, you will still get your special day and everything will work out
a friend and i actually got engaged the same weekend, and now our dates are 1 week apart next fall! i was a little bummed at first but it's true, if you both want the same season there's not that much choice, and neither of you should have to give up your dream. it doesn't bother me anymore - though we have the same close group of friends, we don't have any common BMs (and are not in each other's weddings) and now it's just a lot of fun to compare plans and progress and commiserate. it's nice going through it at the same time as a friend. i also know that her wedding will be much different than mine, and i think we're both excited to see what the other does.
so - look at it as a built-in support system! :)
I'm guessing that you asked your friend to be your bridesmaid because she's one of your closest friends. It is not nice, "good friend" behavior to feel resentful of your friend because she picked a date that is this close to yours. It's easy to get a little crazy when you're planning your wedding, but once the day is done, life moves on. Time to start remembering what's important. Your friend is neither taking the shine away from your day, nor did she pick her wedding date to make you mad or spite you.
Look, like I said, it's easy to default to crazy person mode without even realizing that you're doing it.
Oh, and btw, your friends don't care that her wedding is three weeks beforehand. They're probably stoked that they have two awesome parties to go to. Haven't you ever had to go to more than one wedding in the span of a month? It happens to me almost every August. I love it. Yay for free champagne! Time to switch gears and be happy that you have a friend you can talk to about weddings until you're both blue in the face.
This sounds so familiar to me. I currently have 3 friends getting married within an 8 week time period. The first one to get engaged is ticked off, and the other 2 gals had only a few weekends to choose from because of family/work/school schedules. They really couldn't see putting their life on hold because of another wedding. I can understand how it would be annoying, but I highly doubt that they are doing it to show you up or steal your thunder. All in all, you now have someone to bounce ideas off of and to talk too, since you are going through it together.
Good luck!
Thanks everyone - I dont know what came over me --- it must of just been an intitial reaction because I am now SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO super excited that we are planning it together and its so close!
Weddings do strange things to the emtions from time to time. I am so pleased that it was just a initial thought and not how I really feel!
So glad you're seeing the positive side now.
I'm a little envious you have a friend with whom you can talk wedding planning without having to worry about boring them to tears.
So glad you're seeing the positive side now.
I'm a little envious you have a friend with whom you can talk wedding planning without having to worry about boring them to tears.
i wish i had someone to plan with too!
congrats to you both. are you a BM in hers too?
@mrsWtobe: Well...maybe think of it this way, if it makes you feel better. If she's getting married Thanksgiving weekend (if your posted wedding date is accurate), people might not be in town due to family plans. She really may have fewer people available to attend. Some of that thunder might not be stolen after all.
And at least it's not in the same month :-)
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I know it shouldn't bother me that a bmaid is getting married 3 weeks before mine - but it does. Why is it bothering me?
Anyone else experienced this?