BM/Best friend cutting me out of her life…2 months before my wedding?!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: How should I handle this situation with my BM?
    Don't try to get in touch with her; wait and see what she does. : (8 votes)
    35 %
    Keep trying to get in touch every couple of weeks like normal, regardless of what she does. : (8 votes)
    35 %
    Consider this friendship over and don't call her anymore, except for necessary wedding stuff. : (5 votes)
    22 %
    Other (explain please!) : (2 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    166 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I had a similar situation with my MOH, except instead of being apathetic and backing off, she just ruined a bunch of events and was mean to everyone.  I would take it as dodging a bullet here.  She is telling you she doesn’t want to be involved with you and we don’t know why (jealousy?) but you are better off without her and you don’t need someone with negative energy ruining things for you.  I was nervous about my wedding day (would I miss her?  would I be upset?) but in the end, I was SO happy that I cut her out of my life and had BMs who actually loved and cared about me and were there for me.  Trust me, you are better off without her.  It will hurt for a few weeks while you get over it (and you are allowed to wallow in it! this is like a break up!) but just remember you have other amazing friends and family who LOVE you and are actually there to support you and to make this the happiest and best time of your life.  Forget your MOH.  Maybe in five years she’ll realize what an a$$hole she is being and apologize but don’t hold your breath for that either.  I am so sorry that this happened to you, but I think weddings bring out the best and worst in people and you are better off without her (even if it seems hard to feel that way now).

    Post # 5
    Member
    166 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @CandieC88:  No I didn’t at all and the worst part for me was seeing her trash my other BMs on my bachelorette and how bad everyone felt.  It was so bad because I was almost trying to pretend it didn’t happen but I ended up being so sad because I was thinking how great my other BMs were (including my SISTER with whom I’ve had a lot of ups and downs but she ROCKED it as a BM and was so amazing and supportive) and how I was pretty embarassed that THAT is who I chose as my MOH and look how she acted.  My entire family (and DH’s family) were upset about it but in the end the day and the weeks leading up to the wedding were beautiful and I really mean it when I say I have no regrets on cutting her out of my life.  I hope you don’t either but this is really the time for you to be happy and celebrating with people that WANT to be with you.  As you get closer to the day, you will see how much joy everyone around you has about the wedding and you don’t need someone bringing you down!  I think the hardest part is that obviously you love this person and I loved my MOH too, but at some point you have to realize that she isn’t being the same person that you have always loved and what she is being now is downright hurtful.  It is weird but your wedding will bring you really close to people and will also push you farther from others, but I think it is supposed to in a way et the cream rise to the top.

    I am glad that I can share what happened with me–it was rough so I feel for you.  When I got back from my bachelorette (when I knew it was all over), I threw up every day for a week and was sick to my stomach and just felt so depressed, but it did pass and I promise it will for you too.  

    Post # 6
    Member
    81 posts
    Worker bee

    Um, did you talk to her about her wedding after it was over?

    It sounds to me like maybe she really did want you there, maybe her mom mentioned that she invited you and then she was expecting you to show up. If you haven’t talked about this, it’s possible that she’s hurt.

    Post # 9
    Member
    81 posts
    Worker bee

    Or! even if they didn’t tell her they invited you, they might have been right about her regretting not inviting you. Since she only seems really awkward about things involving your wedding (ie she still wanted to talk funny work stories), it’s probably her own awkwardness around weddings at the moment that’s making her distant. Hopefully she’ll open up to you about it…

    Maybe you can squeeze in a friend-date where you both do something fun with no talk of weddings?

    If you guys can make it through your wedding still okay as friends, I would guess you’ll be able to reconnect after it.

    Good luck! I hope it works out for you 🙂

    Post # 10
    Member
    2394 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @CandieC88:  

     

    I’m sorry you’re upset by her behavior, but unfortunately there isn’t much you can do that you haven’t done already.

    I think there is something about weddings that sometimes triggers emotions in people that may not make sense to us. An old friend of mine did a disappearing act from my life around the time I got married, with no explanation, so I understand your confusion.

    Sometimes people’s feelings change, and they don’t want to explain why. And they just vanish from your life.

     

    It happens in dating and it happens in friendships.

     

    My advice would be to focus your energy and thoughts on the people who do care for you and who are still actively involved in your life.

     

    Sorry this happened! Best wishes for a happy and wonderful wedding and marriage!

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    928 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    You said she didn’t want to get married and now sleeps in separate rooms from her husband? Sounds like she’s unhappy with her marriage, all the wedding-related things were probably upsetting her (like when she steered your phone convo away from wedding subjects). That’s no excuse for her to ignore you, but people often withdraw from loved ones when they have personal issues going on. I’d give her some space, but check in every once and awhile to see if she’s ok. If she keeps pulling away then let the friendship go. It’s hard when friends act this way, but sometimes there’s other issues going on that we’re not aware of. : (

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