- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
One of my BMs was my bestie during college, and we had the best times together. After college, she moved back home, and I didn’t see her as much, but we were still close.
When I got engaged, I felt like I shouldn’t pick her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but I couldn’t pinpoint why. My brain won over my emotions as I attributed my weird feelings to her living far away, and I picked her anyway. She was my best friend for awhile, so it only made sense. Also, I knew she’d be upset if she weren’t picked to be one (bad reasoning, i know).
During the planning, she only talked to me about the wedding when she had questions about her own things (travel, shoes, jewelry, etc.). It was weird – all my other BMs and other friends kept asking if I needed help. i didn’t really mind though, because I mostly planned everything myself. I later found out from other BMs that she was supposed to plan a part of my bridal shower, but backed out last minute, and two of my other BMs had to take over. I also found out that she would turn all conversation to herself (my bridal party sat together during our reception). My Mother-In-Law even noticed her, saying that she was high maintenance.
Okay, typing this all out makes these things feel very trivial, but my point is that this girl is not the girl I was friends with in college. I feel like being at home with her parents (who baby her like no other) has made her more egocentric. I talked about it with some of our mutual friends, and they agree with me that something’s changed. She doesn’t put in any effort in her friendships nowadays… we all have to reach out to her, she won’t try to keep in contact.
My issue here, however, is that I do want to maintain our friendship. She doesn’t mean harm, I think it’s just the result of being coddled. Our other friend has just given up on her at this point. I don’t want to! We’ve had a lot of good years together, and this might just be a rough patch. I talked to her recently, and she’s been feeling lonely because she feels like she has no friends, and I feel bad.
Bees, do you have any tips on how to be patient in frustrating situations, how to be the better friend, or how to talk to people directly about issues like this? I’m a pretty forward person, but I’m not sure how to go about this one…
I know this post was long, but thank you!