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I think anyone in the wedding party should be allowed to bring a date. If it really isn't in your budget to allow that, what harm is it to allow them at the very least to have their dates show up after dinner?
I think what you said is great! Way to handle the awkward on-the-spot moment with grace :)
I don't think people realize that what they ask sometimes has such big implications for the one planning the party (i.e. the bride!!), so a casual question can't always have a casual answer.
Wow, they put you on the spot at the end! I think your answer of 'I don't know' is fine for now but you're going to need to figure it out and give them a solid answer.
If you didn't budget for them to bring a date, then I would tell them no. Especially if it's a new boyfriend, etc. I could see if someone had a fiance but they don't. But you and FI need to make the decision so you can tell them.
I think it's good that they asked and not just brought a date. It's usually customary for members of the wedding party to bring a date if they want to. If there is any way to budget that in it would probably be a good idea to do so.
I think that bridal party members should be allowed to bring dates, even if they aren't in a relationship. The bridal party does so much to help in the wedding process and they invest so much of their time and money for you! I see that they caught you a little off guard but if they are close enough to you to be your BMs, shouldn't they be close enough to be straightforward with you?
I understand budget issues, but honestly, if there is one place not to skimp, it is with your bridal party!
You handled it well!
I agree you'll need to make a decision on this soon. For the BM asking if her date (if he happened to be in the country) could come for some dancing after the meal, I don't see why that would be a big deal, unless you have reason to believe otherwise. I would try to accomodate BMs' dates in general since they typically put so much time and effort into helping out with the wedding, unless you have a blanket rule about +guests.
I had a similar situation with one of my ushers. However, the best way to handle it for us was one on one on a case by case basis. For example, he started dating someone around when we got engaged, so when I asked him to be an usher, I told him that although I hadn't met ____, she was definitely invited to join in on the festivities.
Then they broke up.
About a month ago when I was addressing invitations, he asked if he still had "and guest" privileges. I told him that as excited as I am for him to be seeing someone, that day is about me, so I don't want to be meeting his flavor-of-the-month girlfriend on the most important day of my life. I told him to just keep me posted, and if she seemed really important, than it would be fine for her to be his date to the wedding.
I think you said the right answer. I've always found it so odd that people would want to bring random dates to someone's wedding. Let's say you just started dating someone, wouldn't being at a wedding bring up all sorts of awkwardness?
i agree with the others, the rule is normally that the bridal party should be allowed to bring dates. but if you can't budget for that, i would let them know that you are only letting people bring dates if they are in a serious relationship, like they have been living together, are engaged, or are married (whatever you and your fi decide to do), due to budget reasons.
Hrmm... I don't know if I've ever heard that it's a rule that you must allow your bridal party to bring dates. I think you are perfectly fine with telling your BMs that you don't know right now. If you decided later on that you can accomodate their dates, then you should be able to let them know well enough in advance and they should be understanding if you can't allow it. I've been a BM plenty of times before and not had a date and I've managed to have a great time dancing with my fellow BMs and other friends.
We are not allowing dates for our bridal party unless they are seriously dating or significant others. I'm not going so far as to say that they must be engaged or living together, but the same rule applies to everyone: no "flavor of the month" dates, or people bringing someone who is "just their good friend" just so that they have a date.
As far as having people come after dinner just for the dancing part... I suppose that's up to you.
i think what you said was good, but we are allowing our wedding party to bring a date.
I also think that everyone in the wedding party should be allowed a +1, whether they are in a relationship or not. Even if it's not a "rule", I'd think that the bride and groom would be considerate enough to want their special participants to enjoy themselves to the fullest.
But, I guess you handled it well. It's what I'd say to guests to we weren't planning on extending a +1 invitation to.
I think your answer is good for now - youd hate to give a definite answer and then find out you have to change it. However, my personal opinion is that anyone in the bridal party should be able to bring a date. If you cant accommodate that, then if they have boyfriends they should be able to. Id be upset if I was with someone for any longer than 3-6 months and couldnt bring them to a wedding. But thats just me...
I think the wedding party should all be allowed to have plus one's b/c they are your closest friends and even though they're there for you it's not like they're 'working'. It's also a perfectly legit question to ask - I always ask if I am getting a plus one b/c FI and I would have to decide what to do if I didn't. Although since they aren't dating anyone, maybe they just want the option you know?
I agree with the other posters. Your wedding party should get a plus one!! I think your response was appropriate, especially since they caught you off guard, but you might want to consider figuring out a way to allow them a date. They would all really appreciate it!
I told everyone in my party and also all my other friends that whoever has kids with that man or married to that man then they can come, if not then sorry, have to stick to our budget. All the single ones should understand though
I guess I'm in the minority here. I think that it's one thing if they are in a serious relationship, then by all means, if you can find a way to afford it, then they should get +1's. However, if they are just dating someone new, or just want to bring someone, then I don't think you should have to give them a +1. After all, they'll be so busy during the day, etc, that it's not like they would be able to see each other that much. So what is the date supposed to do when they don't know anyone else at the wedding? I would say, if they want to just invite them to the dancing, after dinner, that would probably be ok.
Also, when my sister got married she allowed my single cousins to invite a plus one and guess what? They ended up coming by themselves anyways and my sister was stuck paying for those empty plus ones
oh man..good answer with what you said..way to put u on the spot, huh..
well, it's really up to you, if you think you can have the bm bring a guest and you guys are financially ok with that, then go for it, if not, then you'll just have to tell them...i know for one of my friend's weddings, they only allowed a significant other to go if they were going out for 2+ years..but then again, it's an individual decision, or rather, u and FI...
I think you did fine with your answer given it was a pretty on the spot situation. As far as whether they should get +1, it's really whatever your budget dictates. If you can't afford it then they just have to understand that.
I think you handled it really well.
I am having a weekend wedding, so I am giving everyone a plus 1, but personally I would bever bring a randomn date to a wedding. If it is a friend, there is bound to be a single mutual friend to go with, and if it is a family member, I would already know tons of people there.
I bring this up because depending on your wedding, this may be a way to approach it with your BMs. They generally have lots of duties anyways, would you want to be the randomn date who didn't know anyone, sitting by themself?
I don't think it is a rule to allow the bridal party a plus one. I have a two girls who are single in my bridal party and I'm just going to leave it up to them. And deal with it if they should have a boyfriend between now and the next 4 months.
Having said that. I was a BM in my BFFs wedding and I started dating a guy 4 months before the wedding. I was not at all bothered that I couldnt' invite him and in fact I would have felt bad having him at the wedding when I couldn't be with him 100% of the or shucks even 70% of the time. My friend brought a date with her that no one knew. I felt sorry for the guy because he knew no one and stood around by himself during all the bridal party stuff. So I say leave it up to them... if their guy has the time and $$ to fly across the world to spend time with her then let her know he can come, etc.
Thanks ladies! I decided to e-mail my ladies about it and cleared things up with them. Feeling much better about it! Thanks for all your input and advice!
I think you answered just fine. About showing up just for dancing, it helps a lot. I've been to a couple weddings where a few people showed up for dancing, and people came just for dancing at my wedding. Some places might not allow it but usually it's just not paid much attention to.
I think the wedding party should be allowed +1. Sure they'll be busy, but there comes a point when they won't be. And that will be after dinner. (And if you aren't having a head table, during dinner they can sit with their dates too.) But the point at which someone might wish their date was with them (during dancing), is the point at which their BM duties pretty much come to an end. If bringig a new boyfriend or friend type date is going to be uncomfortable for them, they just won't invite them to come.
I don't think the idea of these dates coming just for dancing is a problem. You don't have to pay for them. They don't have to wait around all day for their gf to free up from their BM duties.
THese girls sound like good Bms. SI think a lot of brides have to deal with jealous firends, suddenly popping up. Sometimes even the most genuine friends can feel jealousy or self pity when a good friend is getting married and they are single. These girls sound like they're good BMs. So letting them bring dates would help make all the effort they're putting into the wedding day, for you, a nice gesture.
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I had dinner the the BM's last night, and on the way home they asked me in the car about whether they could bring dates to the wedding. Actually, it started out like this...
BM#1 asked if the guy she met recently (in another country) were to happen to visit our city around the time of our wedding, could he come to the reception for the dancing.
My response - "Um...I don't know."
Then BM#2 asked if any of them were to have boyfriends by the time the big day arrives, could they bring them (all of my girls are single).
My response - "As of right now, based on what we've budgeted - No. But again, I don't know for sure right now."
It just took me off guard because we hadn't talked wedding stuff all through dinner and they asked me this just as I was about to leave the car to get into my apartment. My FI and I have a rough estimate on how many people we can afford to invite, and it always takes me off guard when people ask who's coming, or who can come. Especially regarding guys they've just met or don't even exist yet LOL.
Was it ok to just say "I don't know" right now? I'm starting to get paranoid that by not giving people a concrete answer, I'm either coming off as aloof or as a Bridezilla.
And what are your thoughts on people showing up after dinner? Especially people that you haven't necessarily invited yourself?(using BM#1's request as an example)