BM's buying 3 dresses!?! Is this typical?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
933 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

All I would say is “Sorry, I have to bow out of your wedding.  I cannot afford to buy (another) dress for your wedding.”

 

 

 

I think the “hurting her feelings” thing is a moot point here, OP.  It’s pretty obvioius that she doesn’t give a bit or a bee about her attendant’s feelings or finances.

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 4
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Oh my gosh, I can’t imagine what she is thinking!!! Seriously?! You sound so much less livid than I would be in your shoes….this is not typical, you don’t have to buy three dresses, and you’ve already been more than accomodating- considering you’re already on the hook for two dresses, a mani/pedi, professional hair/makeup, and the showers/bachelorette. That is totally absurd, already. 

No advice here, because it would be bad if I told you what I’d say to her if I were in this situation :/ 

Post # 5
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t even know what to say! That’s just crazy! 

YIkes! 

I guess I’d just be straight up and tell her she’s insane if she thinks you can afford to buy a third dress.  Personally, i would have freaked out over the second dress.

If she wants you all in a new dress, she should pay for it. HANDS DOWN.

PS. What kind of bride gets her ladies to buy the dress without having already checked the grooms attire?! That was part of my decision making process. I had to rule out a few colors/shades because we couldn’t match up and once we found one that did, then I went ahead and ordered the BM dresses. (I’m paying for them for my 3 girls because I don’t think they should have to, but that’s just me.)

Post # 6
Member
604 posts
Busy bee

Holy geez you are way too forgiving. I would drop her like a hot potato and run. You do not need to buy all of these dresses, or get a mani/pedi, makeup, hair done etc at your own cost! If she wants if she should pay for it. 

Post # 7
Member
2291 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

This is pretty horrible of the bride. Tell her to stick with one of the two dresses you already have or you won’t be able to afford to be in her wedding.

Post # 8
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@JaneyDcat:  +1. yo friend be crazy!

i just found out a bridesmaid is pregnant and will be 5 months at the time of my wedding, solidly showing. her dress (everyone matching) won’t work. theyve all already ordered – i’m letting this BM do what she wants. either alter the dress to accommodate her belly or get a maternity dress from the same designer, fabric and color. it is NOT that serious that your bridesmaids match that you put them out of that much money.

Post # 9
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree that you’re too forgiving, lol! 

I’d answer

 

“sorry but i already spent X between the two dresses that i can’t wear, i’m not able to buy another dress”

 

 

Post # 10
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think you should just be blunt. It’s insane to expect your BMs to buy 2 dresses, let alone 3. It sounds like you all have gone above and beyond the call of duty, so it’s time to get the bride a reality check.

Post # 11
Member
2620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

that bride needs to put the crazyiness away.. you already bought two dresses you WILL NOT BUY ANOTHER ONE FOR THE SAME dang wedding… the grooms men and bridesmaids DO NOT HAVE TO MATCH… tell the other bridesmaids and as a group say NO MORE CHANGES IN WHAT YOU ARE WEARING… im mad for you….

Post # 12
Member
2833 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

“hey, just wanted to let you know that I’m unable to buy another dress. I tried to be supportive when you made us buy the 2nd one, but I could barely afford that. I understand that you’re wanting to change the dress, but again, I won’t be buying a new one. Please let me know if you need me to bow out of your wedding party.”

Normally, I wouldn’t advocate being this blunt, but she obviously does not care about her attendants, so I don’t see any reason why you need to hold her hand through this. 

Post # 13
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

In what world are groom’s vests more important than bridesmaid dresses?

Post # 14
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I would have been out when the first round cost $500! I’m younger though, and maybe not as established. still, 3 dresses that you’ll never wear again, totaling enough for a long weekend, is way too much to ask

Post # 15
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Wowwwww….. I’m planning on having my girls in matching colors but various styles of dresses because I except 1, 2, or 3 (of four) of them to be pregnant at my wedding and I knew that there’s no way we’d find matching dresses to fit various stages of pregnancy and at least one non-pregnant bridesmaid. Also, I’m delaying having them order dresses because my wedding’s currently 10 months out so we have no idea if any of them will be pregnant yet.

I would never ever do to my girls what that bride has done to you and the other bridesmaids.

Post # 16
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee

@lovesweetlove:  maybe she is just stressing ovr the details sometimes as brides u cn get caught up in ur fantasy and nt truly realize the stress ur putting on everyone, u get caught up in the “perfect day” .

How can I address this with the bride without hurting her feelings? Or is this part of being a BM and I should just buy the dress? 

Talk to her and explain that it’s getting too expensive and that u really want to b a part of the wedding but financially buying a new dress again is nt feasible. Offer some alternative options. Being blunt isn’t always the best solution as I’m sure there is a friendship on  the line which is why u hav been holding back BUT u cn get ur point across without hurting her

 

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