Post # 1
Should bridal party members automatically get plus ones?
We have several bridal party members that we invited with their long term boyfriends/girlfriends. They are now broken up. We recently got an RSVP card from one bridal party member listing their guest’s name as “I’ll find someone by then.”
I was pretty offended as my wedding is in one month. What if they don’t find someone and I’ve paid my caterer? My meal is pretty pricey at almost $150 a plate. It’s also a very small, private wedding. We didn’t even allow our parents to bring friends.
Is it okay to say no? For everyone else we limited guests to married, engaged, living together or longterm relationships only. All of these bridal party members will know lots of other people at the wedding, they’re also bunking on the floor at my teeny house (UGH) and it’s even more inconvenience for me for every extra person I have to find a place to sleep.
Post # 3
@PinkMagnolia: Yes, i think bridal party members should get a plus one. And no, I dont think you can give one of them a +1 and then take it back.
Youre obviously very good friends with this person, since theyre in the bridal party. I would just say “listen. I need to get my final numbers into the caterer. It’s really expensive so we are trying to get an exact count. Do you know if you are bringing someone?”. And start the convo. from there.
Post # 4
Well their invite listed the ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend’s names, it wasn’t an open invite. So it’s not like I’m taking a guest back. They weren’t supposed to fill in their own guest’s name.
Post # 5
@PinkMagnolia: I think it is fair to let them have a guest… I do agree that it was a bit much to put “I will find someone by then” but they should have a guest
Post # 6
Not really a fan of the “I’ll find someone by then” but yes I would let them have a guest if they want one. I would also gently remind them that it is not fun to be a plus one to a bridal party member if you dont know anyone in their friend circle. Show up to a wedding alone (for a couple you dont know), entertain yourself while your gf/bf goes for photos, eat with all of the other +1 of the wedding party, and basically just wait until your date has time to dance. I’ve been the +1 after one of my male friends had a break up the week before the wedding. It was just not fun and since then Ive never brought a date to a wedding I was standing in. I have no idea how to have that conversation if you do not have the personal experience though.
Post # 7
Ugh we had someone do that, too (not in the bridal party, though). I would just be honest about it. Tell them that you’re only allowing people to bring SIGNIFICANT others, because it’s $150/ plate and space is extremely limited. If it’s a GM, he won’t be offended. Guys don’t care. If it’s a BM, you might have to be a little more careful how you word it.
Normally I’d say yes, you have to let wedding party have a +1, but your wedding sounds very intimate (and expensive). They’re literally like scrounging around looking for a random date to bring. That’s totally different than someone bringing their SO. You don’t have to allow that!