(Closed) BMs owe money for dresses & won't pay me back! Advice needed please!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What would ou do in this situation?
    You would let it slide : (6 votes)
    6 %
    You would be upset but not say anything to keep the peace : (4 votes)
    4 %
    You would send them a reminder e-mail : (73 votes)
    76 %
    You would send them an e-mail letting them know how disappointed you are : (13 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1014 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    This is such a crappy situation for you.  They know how much they owe you, and that you expect to be paid back. I just don’t think there’s much else you could do. Of course, you can send them another polite e.mail or call them, but its really up to them now to do the right thing and pay you back. I hope they figure it out soon, or else the friendship will probably suffer.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3584 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would send a friendly reminder.  Don’t let it go!  Just fwd what you sent already and write on the top something like, haven’t heard back, so I wanted to send a reminder!

    Post # 5
    Member
    5983 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    E-mails are too easily ignored, when it comes to money, you call, and call and call again until you get it….of course you are polite, but you are persistant in the same instance!

    Post # 6
    Member
    808 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Dont’ let it go!  You’ve been very generous, and they knew going in that this was for them to be paid for.  I’d say email them again and then after that phone calls.  I’d be very honest, saying “I fronted this money for X months but now I cannot”. 

     

    Good luck!

    Post # 7
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Don’t let it go, that’s what they want you to do.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2274 posts
    Buzzing bee

    There is no way in hell I would let it go. I would send them a polite reminder via email, or call them. I would probably call them.

    I would give it a few days, and if they didn’t respond. I would send a more forceful email.

    If that didn’t work, I would write on their facebook walls saying I have been trying to contact you to pay me back for the dress I bought you, and your hair and makeup, but I can’t get ahold of you, so please get back to me as soon as you see this.

    Sometimes, a little public attention is all someone needs to step up.

    Post # 9
    Member
    663 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

    Im going to go with Nona99 on this, move onto a different mode of communication. I would personally text first then call 2 days later. I think you were very generous and fair and theses girls… well, are taking advantage of that. I doubt its intentional but its still what they’re doing.

    Post # 10
    Member
    396 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’m in a similar situation with a family member owing me money (4 figures). Its always I’ll pay you this month, this month, next month. 6 months later and I haven’t seen a penny but I see them out spending money on frivalous things. I’ve asked twice about the money and my FI says to keep asking each month til I get something. I know it’s a hard position in because if you push too hard it could ruin the relationship but at the same time you just want your money back!! I’d keep asking til they pay you back, as hard as it is. I hope you get some money soon.

    Post # 11
    Member
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Mrs_A:  I’m so sorry that you’re in this position. It’s not easy, especially when you are dealing with friends.

    I would NOT let it go. I would send a friendly reminder again when a 3 or 4 week mark hits. You can directly call them or email them saying “I’m sorry to bother you, but we are really trying to budget and pay off a few expenses right now, and I took into account that you would be paying for X and Y. I hate to keep bugging you but please understand where I’m coming from.” You can even offer for them to pay half now and half later.

    Shame on them for letting you feel crappy and allowing their debts to go on and on. Don’t let them take advantage of you. If you don’t think you can keep asking, involve your mom or someone with a strong personality.

    Post # 12
    Member
    11760 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    what a crappy situation to be in . These girls are not being very good “friends”. I think you should call them – that way they cannot avoid it.  

    Post # 13
    Member
    4328 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    @Mrs_A:  Can you call them and ask that they return the dresses so that you could try and resell them? Since they haven’t paid for the dress, it’s technically yours.

    Post # 14
    Member
    9147 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    Bad situation.

    1) They don’t pay and you are upset with them about it.  Why would you be friends with them?

    2) They do end up paying but they are upset with you because they didn’t understand the situation (i.e. didn’t expressly agree before you ordered the dresses, although I don’t know how you would have gotten their measurements in that case.)  Why would they be friends with you?

    I like your final option of continuing to contact them and include an email about how disappointed you are and that if they need to pay you back in increments you understand but it was your understanding that they would pay you back.  Depending on their responses you may need to re-evaluate these friendships (but only after giving them a chance to say why they aren’t paying up after agreeing to pay up.)

    Post # 15
    Member
    1115 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    You’ve gotten some good advice already (as PPs said, I would call and/or meet these girls in person instead of just continuing to email).  I just wanted to say that I’m sorry you’re in this position.  This is really crappy and it’s too bad that your “friends” are taking advantage of your generosity.  I would never do that to someone, so I can’t understand how/why anyone else would.  Sad.

    Post # 16
    Member
    264 posts
    Helper bee

    Wait, your bridesmaids gift ranged that much in price? Do the girls know what the others got? Maybe they feel jilted for getting a less good gift?

    I wouldn’t let this go, personally, but there’s only so much you can do.

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