Post # 1
I am having trouble picking out a present for one of my BM’s who is getting married a few months after me. What I feel is important to the story is she did not choose me to be one of her BMs. (that’s another rant for another day ) I don’t want that to be a reason not to get her a good present, because obviously she is very important to me and I think of her as a very close friend, but I don’t want to go all out and spend $$$ like I normally would if I were a BM.
She has not given me a present yet, she co-hosted a shower with my other BMs and I did not get a present from any of them (I did not expect one because they were throwing me the nice shower.) I don’t want to sound gift grabby, but I’m not made of money and if I’m not going to get a nice present from her because she is a BM, am I expected to give one to her because we ARE on that level, even though i’m not a BM?
Her registry doesnt have much on it, random things that are small and impersonal like food scales and towels and things, then mostly >$200 for a duvet or a vacuum. Hardly anything in-between. I was thinking of getting her the nice glassware she wants (champagne flutes, margarita glasses, etc.) but it would only come out to $40 for all. Would that look cheap of me since she IS one of my BMs and she deserves way more? I hate getting gift cards/money, because it’s like handing them exactly the amount you are willing to spend on them. “Here is $75, that’s all you’re worth.” lol..
Post # 2
I don’t think you’re obligated to spend a specific amount of money just because she’s your BM, but if you want to do a little more because of your friendship, why not go with the glassware set for her and her DH and then add a small, more personalized item specifically for her that relates to your friendship or a special memory?
Post # 3
texaslemon: I don’t think you should consider AT ALL what she gave to you, the BM situation- any of it. She has a year to give a gift and honestly, when Im in a wedding I do delay the gift as there are lots of costs being a BM and I just couldn’t afford it all at once.
So stop considering everything else- it’s not tit for tat, or I Owe Yous- it’s a gift from heart. Put your hurt aside and do what feels right- I think 40$ worth of glassware from the registry is much nicer than a gift card. I agree with you- they’re too blunt.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
Give her what you feel in your heart giving and can afford to give. I never give a gift based on what I received, really despise the”Tit for Tat” approach when you are giving something that is entirely voluntary.
Post # 5
An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind. Don’t play the tit for tat game. It’s hurtful, it’s unfair and it’s cruel to everyone.
Post # 6
I agree with PP’s, it’s not tit-for-tat. Put your hurt aside and buy her the same gift you would if you were a BM, or if she wasn’t your BM. Get her the glassware, then add in a little something, like the ingredients for her favorite cocktail, or a martini recipe book, or something that would go along with the glasses!
Post # 7
I got her a really nice cuttingboard with their names/last name engraved for a personal touch. I was thinking about that with some add ons to match. I just didn’t know if I should spend a little more because she is one of my BMs. It’s more that than the tit for tat thing.
I don’t really care if I get a present from her because she did throw me the shower and I know all of the crazy costs that go into being a BM (although I am trying my best to keep everything reasonable). I just don’t want her to open her present and be like “WTF I am spending so much to be in your wedding and all I get is this dinky thing.” But if I put a lot of thought in to it and make it personal, I think I can avoid that.
Post # 8
What are you getting your other BM’s? I know for a fact that 2 of my bridal party wont ask me to be in their wedding party when they get married and likely the 3rd wont either since they have large groups of friends. I, on the other hand, have lots of aquantainces and few long term friends and wanted people I feel are important to me to share my special day. <br /><br />I have also only ever been in one bridal party and I am not asker her to be in mine. I dont think ANY of us care. <br /><br />Get all your girls something special for sharing your special day. As far her actual wedding gift….giver her cash to cover your plate. You dont have to go above and beyond for a wedding present. Or if you dont want to do that I think the glassware idea is beautiful.
Post # 9
texaslemon: Are you crafty at all? You could make something, or turn her glassware into a beautiful basket. Get the glasses and whatever alcohol you think would go with it, put it in a beautiful (can be used again) basket, lots of ribbon and tissue. You could add in personalized glass markers too, and a heartfelt card. That would be a beautiful and thoughtful gift… BM or not.
Post # 10
a gift is a gift, it is not required. if you want to spend less, spend what you want. but don’t compare apples to apples.