Post # 1
- Wedding: March 2005 - Westside Loft, New York
Let’s talk about board etiquette so we can come up with general policies together. New bees can also refer to this thread to learn how to use the boards.
What are examples of good board etiquette?
What are examples of bad board etiquette?
Remember — let’s do this the positive Weddingbee way!
Post # 3
Good board ettiquette: Writing a "final post" to let people know what you’ve decided on an issue or that the issue is fixed (MIL is better etc)
Bad board ettiquette: "Hard bumps" = Only writing "bump" in order to move your post to the top of the queue.
Questions? Ask MrsBee, MrBee, or a Hive Hostess!
Problems? Ask MrsBee, MrBee, or a Hive Hostess!
Post # 4
Good – clarifying when someone asks a question or your original post was not clear; thanking responders en masse; sharing conclusion to issue raised when post first started, as people have taken time to poster out, it is nice to how/if it was resolved
Bad etiquette – responding to every/most responses to a thread ("I like that idea!"), one at a time, which results in keeping a thread "on top"; starting a thread to attack someone; responding just to up your post count for "status"
Post # 5
This is a great idea. I think having an overall positive attitude toward other members is good etiquette. In some threads I’ve read posts that expressed negative attitudes toward, for example, people having expensive weddings, people having religious ceremonies, people who aren’t having religious ceremonies, people who are having their wedding paid for by their families, people whose families are unable to help them financially….
As you can see, there isn’t any consensus on what the "right" thing is on these boards, which is something I really like about WeddingBee. That said, I think that it can be rude and possibly a turn-off to new members if they feel they are being judged for their circumstances or decisions. I don’t think there are any particular words that are problematic, but I think that serving out opinions judiciously is in order (e.g. if a person asks what other Bees think of an idea it’s okay to say you’re not a fan or it can be misinterpreted by guests. But be nice and try to be empathetic! OTOH, if a person says this is what I want to do, any help on how to accomplish it? Or this is my situation, please give me advice. I don’t think it’s okay to tell them that they are wrong to want that or to be in that situation. Basically if you, or most people, wouldn’t say it to a person’s face, don’t post it as a response. Comments can come across a lot harsher when written than when delivered in person.)
Overall I will say that I really think WeddingBee is a positive community, and I appreciate its diversity. I think it’s very nice how many Bees go out of their way to welcome new members, or offer support either through advice or through compliments of their ideas. The only time these things can go awry is if the positive attitude translates to overzealousness. Because the boards are set up so that new posts bump a thread to the top, I think it’s good etiquette to be mindful of posting in a way that can drown out other threads. This may be different from some other web communities, so I think it’s important to keep that in mind.
Whew! There’s my two (or perhaps ten) cents…I look forward to everyone’s thoughts:)
Post # 6
I think Weddingbee is a great community- very welcoming, positive and helpful in all regards.
While I agree with most of the etiquette suggestions so far, I don’t see anything wrong with bumping up a post that has been languishing, unanswered for several days or more.
Often when I’m going through the boards I specifially look for posts with no replies, or very few replies and try to help that person get an answer/response to their query (even if I just suggest reposting it to a more relevant board).
I think it’s possible for posts to get lost in the shuffle- especially if they are posted at off hours. So in cases where there is little to no response for a reasonable period of time, it is understandable and acceptable for a poster to bump their post up in the hopes of getting help.
Post # 7
I’m really glad you started this forum discussion because I was disturbed that the other one on board etiquette was singling someone out. Which, by the way, is definitely on my list of things not to do. We’ve had that problem before, on WeddingBee and Project Wedding, and I’m happy when the mods close them.
I like the idea of coming together to discuss the right and wrong thing to do on boards because I know I’d be pretty upset if someone sent me a personal message telling me I was doing something wrong when I thought I was being polite. I think we should all remember that we’re coming from different places and that we might have different opinions on what’s proper and we shouldn’t make assumptions about other Bees we don’t know.
I think it’s also best to avoid saying negative things about traditions or wedding decisions we might not agree with. If you don’t think a cash bar is the best option because it means guests will have to handle money, but you can understand budget brides needing to utilize this option, say so – don’t just say they’re "tacky." I’m especially disappointed when I see entire forums devoted to things we hate about weddings or things we find tacky. You’re almost certain to hurt someone’s feelings.
Post # 8
This is what I think should go for rules in a sticky. Members can flag people for the following bad etiquette:
1. Bumping own thread, needlessly. (ie. answers have been given.)
2. Posting two (plus) consecutive posts on the same thread. If you forgot something to your post you want to add, just use the edit button to add it in. (ie. Do not post to individuals separately.)
3. Starting threads about individual posters, to air grievances. (It is does not apply if you want to start a thread to say you got engaged or that your wedding is tomorrow.)
4. Starting the same thread in more than one location. I know it’s been said before. Might as well be on a sticky.
5. Swearing. (I don’t see a ton. But once in a while when a bride is fuming about an argument with _____.)
6. (Just MHO). Starting more than "X" amount of threads in one day. This one might not fly. But I feel like if we kept it to say starting 3 threads a day???? Posters would make sure their threads were really good ones, and feel more obligated to search for a previous thread that has been started, rather than start threads willy nilly.
7. Personal attacks and snarkiness.
I don’t think it should be policed too much. People should be allowed to express how they feel. If their expression involves a personal attack, they can be warned flaggerd, suspended etc. But if someone is saying they don’t like something, that is their opinion. This is a message board. People might get offended by something that was misunderstood. They might think someone is attacking their lack of money, when someone is just saying they think it is wrong to have a cash bar etc. Also because we aren’t live voices, it is difficult to understand the tone of someone’s comments. And therefore we shouldn’t try to guess. We all should know going into a message board that it can be difficult to know the "attitude" behind the comment, and have to be prepared to give the poster the benefit of the doubt.
I guess that’s about it from me for now.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor
I have to agree, I saw a few threads that were singling each other and others and it was a bit upsetting. Aside from posts singling out individuals I’m also not a fan of *bump* posts. I honestly can’t say how I feel any better than loveatfirstsightlover did. Thanks for creating a forum to discuss this.
Post # 10
Oh, and I should also say that I don’t mind when someone "bumps" their forum thread because they didn’t get any responses. I’ve seen a lot of girls looking for advice who do this because their post gets lost in the mass of others. We get a lot of "hot topics" that get a lot of attention, and they tend to dominate the top of the boards.
I really hope that we don’t get so nit-picky with our etiquette suggestions that we start limiting the number of thank you’s a person can say or we start flagging people who "bump" their post. I don’t exactly think these are "flaggable" offenses, and it’s probably hurtful to the girls who are just looking for some advice or extra polite.
Post # 11
I agree with all of these as good suggestions. I never noticed the flag button until this morning, and there is a reason it is there, as well as with the ability to add a comment. I believe good etiquette does include posting a comment to someone’s post to say something supportive or congratulate them, etc, but that the overall intent is not to increase the count, etc.
As long as we can keep a positive attitude all-around, which includes like rosy chicklet said, looking for other’s posts and perhaps giving them some advice or wisdom if none has been offerred, I think that should maintain the overall fairness and intention of the boards. Venting is appropriate in regards to certain situations in regards to weddings, but not in regards to specific users. I think this is a great way for us to discuss.
Post # 12
I think there are some really great suggestions here. I agree with the idea about remaining positive, supportive and open to other people’s wedding ideas. It’s one thing to say "Hmm… that’s not really my style, but it might work well depending on the circumstance" and another thing to say, "That’s a bad style, and I have no idea why you would want that."
It’s all in the presentation, right?
As for the 3 topic a day suggestion, I’d fully be in violation if we could only post 3! But I think it’s all about what you are posting. Ask yourself, "Will this add something to the community? Will this help me answer a question I’m needing help with?" If you’re not sure, then maybe sit on the idea for a couple of hours or even a day, and see if it still seems relevant– and post it!
I think tolerance goes a long way here, and by and large the entire hive does an exceptionally good job at achieving just the right balance most of the time 🙂 That’s why this is my favorite place on the internet!
This is a growing, robust and vibrant community. As with any growth experience, there may be some bumps (wasn’t meaning thread bumps, but perhaps it applies here!) along the way. I think it’s great that we’re evolving and addressing things head on:)
Post # 13
Generally speaking, the hive is an incredibly supportive environment. There were a few suggestions above that I don’t agree with.
1- Bumping when you posted on off hours, or even on hours. It may be a more specific question that requires just the right person to find it like rosychicklet so graciously responds to.
2- Limiting the # of threads per day. For instance, when I had one day to do a million things in SF, I had to post more than a few threads as they were different topics.
3- For work I do everything through the back end of our web site so I don’t know if this is possible but it would be really helpful if there was a drop down of "popular posts – FAQ by members" so that people can easily access the info without starting a "how do I address an envelope question?" – any question that’s pretty straighforward and been answered many times.
4- I save my posts and responses to favorites but they don’t appear in my profile – and it’s a pain to access. I would love to wrap things up – how things went but sometimes I can’t find my original post?
5- Leaving flagging up to the community is in my opinion working for a social networking/online dating company bad news. Someone may not like your username and flag you. It’s terrible 🙁
6- I’d make a suggestion that to "compose" your post – meaning think of what information you can give us that will help us help other members. All too often people’s questions are so vague that the first 10 responses are just to gather info that the poster already knows. Just be thoughtful and detailed enough so that solutions will be easier!
Post # 14
I like a lot of the suggestions posted here. It’s difficult to manage this amount of people so that you have friendly constructive boards. I do not envy Mrs. Bee or the hostesses (although one day I would like to be one, hostess that is).
That being said, I think that before you complete a post a pop-up or something should come up that would show you similar posts recently posted. (sorry about the word "post" coming up one too many times that past sentence). I dont know if that’s possible but it might stop someone from posting a question that has been asked over and over again.
Limiting the # of threads is tricky. There are days that I am doing a lot wedding stuff and want to run ideas past the hive or need advice. There should be some other way of weeding out posts or asking people to use stronger posts.
Like FLBeachBride, I never noticed the "Flag" link before. I think there should be information somewhere about Flagging someone (I havent seen it) that would allow someone to know what they could be flagged about and what the reprecussions could be.
Post # 15
pinwheelspoprocks and Chela429 touched on this, but sometimes questions are posted when the identical question has been asked recently. I don’t think duplicate question-posts are a huge deal, but it can get kind of redundant if a bunch of folks post questions that have already been answered a hundred times.
I think good board etiquette is to do a quick search on WeddingBee to see if any related pages are returned before posting a question on the boards.
Post # 16
I think as long as everyone’s considerate of eachother, we should be ok. I mean, we’re all in love, right?! Lets not forget that!!
Stay positive and happy