Post # 1
Sorry, I need to rant.
My boyfriend and I have decided on a date for a wedding. I booked the chapel and the reception hall. I’ve been talking to other vendors and booked an officiant. Yet through all of this there is no proposal. He doesn’t have a ring- that I know. He wants to talk to my parents about a few things and get their blessing before proposing.
I go through phases where I’m fine doing so much planning without an engagement. And others times I’ll be crying and tell him how I wish we were engaged. He said he’d work on a ring, but I’m not expecting a proposal for awhile. His sister-in-law even told him she refused to plan a wedding before she was engaged. I think that struck a chord with him.
I just don’t know what to do. I’m glad we’re planning a wedding, I just wish we’d gotten engaged first. At this point, I feel like engagement in a formality and won’t be as special as I’ve always dreamed it would be. Thoughts?
Post # 2
He has a good head on his shoulders if he follows through. From what you’ve said, he sounds like a reasonable guy. When I was pre-engaged, I didn’t plan anything officially because I didn’t want to jinx it. Plus, we knew we wanted a simple wedding that didn’t need months to years to plan (although we are enjoying the leisurely pace at which we can plan now). Everyone does things their own way, and the proposal will be wonderful and memorable no matter how it happens. Enjoy the anticipation! Good luck!
Post # 3
If you are planning a wedding, that means you have agreed to get married. By definition, you are engaged, with or without the ring.
Post # 4
You know what? The actual engagement is NOTHING. The wedding, also nothing. It’s the marriage that’s important. If you two are working together towards being married, the proposal, the parties, the wedding, it really doesn’t matter. They’re formalities.
Post # 5
sherry17: I know you’re right. Thanks for putting things into perspective 🙂
Post # 6
I wish I could tag people so they could see this post!
Look up damarajade as she is in this exact position so I’m sure will be able to sympathise and you guys will be able to help each other out 🙂
I also agree with previous posters. You guys are engaged anyway and the ring/proposal is really just a formality. Be excited that it is coming soon but don’t worry that you don’t have it yet. A lot of girls are here waiting and have no idea when / if they will ever be proposed to who would love to be in your position.
Post # 7
Iheartmyairman: If you’re planning a wedding together it means you’re already engaged. Why does he need to ask you to marry him? Does he think after all this planning you’ll say no?
Post # 8
Iheartmyairman: We’re doing the exact same thing! Exactly… we have the venue booked with the deposit down, guest list made, save-the-dates made and ready to be ordered, colors and menu picked out. I recently put him on photography duty so he can set up a date for engagement photos… my criteria is that I have to have the ring for them. So I told him to set up a time with his friend, and to keep the proposal a surprise I only need a day’s notice, maybe less.
My SO’s getting my ring custom-made, which takes awhile. Maybe your’s is doing the same? Or something similar? Have you told him what kind of rings you like? Maybe he’s planning a super special proposal!
And I do agree with PPs. You and I are technically engaged. But I still want to give my SO the opportunity to have his moment 😉
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2
If you’re planning a wedding, then you’re already engaged! Yay! Honestly though, it doesn’t make sense for him to ask for your parents’ blessing after you’ve fixed the date and booked the venue already, but each to their own I guess.
I don’t want your wedding planning to be tainted with resentment over a lack of proposal though; you only get to plan a wedding once after all! You might want to ask for an earlier-than-he-plans proposal with a cheap ring if that isn’t a big deal for you. If it is a big deal, then you can always upgrade as an anniversary gift!
Post # 10
MrsYoshida: I agree.
If you’re booking and planning, then you’re engaged! The ring and popping the question is just a formality, albeit an important formality. But, I have to say, I don’t think he’d allow you to set a date, book stuff and plan, if he didn’t actually want to marry you.
Post # 11
damarajade: So glad to meet someone in the same boat! I didn’t realize how common this is. I to have save the dates rearing to go whenever we can officially announce our engagement.
I’ve set up a Pinterest board of engagement ring styles I like and he’s asked me about some of them. One idea he’s toying with at the moment is to use his great- grandmother’s ring. Either taking the diamonds out of it or using the whole ring. His grandma has the ring, and she lives 100 miles away. I love the idea of using a family ring, but I know he hasn’t connected with his family to get it.
Yes, I know it’s weird he wants to ask my parents’s permission seeing as they already know where/when we’re getting married. To him, it’s an important thing. Another problem with that though: he wants to do it in person and they live 650 miles away.
So, I think a proposal will be coming around Christmas, when we’re both traveling to see my folks.
Post # 12
Iheartmyairman: It sounds like he just wants your ring to be perfect. That’s something I’ve had to learn to accept over the past few months… he may be taking FOREVER, but it’s because he’s put so much effort into thinking about it and making it happen.
I hope your proposal happens soon!
Post # 13
I’m also not “technically” engaged but he told to start getting ideas and vision of what we want. Of course that has me EXCITED but I also haven’t been proposed too yet. He keeps telling it will happen and to be patient but I’m getting impatient lol. I haven’t officially booked anything but already started planning to get ideas how of much things cost.
Post # 14
To be engaged really just means you’re planning to marry. I think some of these stories get a bit silly with people worried about the guy formally proposing when you’ve decided to marry already. I know My Mom said her proposal was my Dad saying, “do you think we should get married or something?” and them discussing, deciding yes and going out for a ring. And I think that happens often. So – you’re over-worrying this!! The proposal will be fun but its really just an opportunity to have a special moment between you too, you’ve already decided to get married. Whether he asked or you asked or how that came about.
Post # 15
- Wedding: December 2014 - Loft
Iheartmyairman: This is very similar to what we did and don’t worry my FI came through with a ring just one and a half months into planning.