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Hello!

Borrowing an idea... should I tell the couple?

posted 2 years ago in Reception
  • poll: What level of liberty can I take when embracing something my friend used 5 years ago in her wedding?
    Find your own idea ~ you can only steal ideas from the anonymity of the internet, not your friends! : (1 votes)
    3 %
    Ask her permission first. : (10 votes)
    29 %
    Let her know you're copying her. : (17 votes)
    50 %
    Just do it, it's been 5 years and she probably won't be there anyway. : (6 votes)
    18 %
    Other - explanation in comments. : (0 votes)
  •  
    1.
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    daydreamwanderer       DC

    So a few years ago I went to a wedding of two good friends of mine. I love, love, loved how they did their guestbook, and now that we're planning, I realized that I've been assuming I'll just glibbly steal their idea and use it, since I loved it so much, and since it will have been like 5 years since they got married at that point.

    Said couple will be recieving an invite to our wedding, but since they live 5 hours by plane away and will have a 1 1/2 year old at that point, I don't expect them to be able to make it. I'm inviting about 20 people who were at their wedding, but who are also all OOT guests for us, and would be surprised if more than 5 of them came.

    Since seeing so many rants about people 'stealing' ideas, I've started to question whether it's okay for me to copy them or not...

    How should I handle this? Am I being paranoid to think that if I ask her if it's okay, she'll either 1) say no, or 2) say yes but resent me for stealing her idea? I don't know why I fear that, because she's totally laid back and a super loving, kind person, and wasn't Bridezilla at ALL back when she got married.

     
    2.
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    jocelyn3476       New Jersey

    I would just tell her.  I bet she will be flattered.  I would be!

     
    3.
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    trailmix      

    I would TOTALLY not worry about it all! I guarantee you that 

    A) If she has a 1.5 year old, these kinds of things are the last things on her mind and she honestly probably can barely remember her guest book 5 years ago and 

    B) All wedding ideas are passed around, it's silly to get upset about someone "stealing" ideas bc there can only be so many variations on something.

    If you want to, go ahead and tell her but if her wedding was 5 years ago and you barely have any overlapping guests, I don't think you need to and it's definitely not necessary, I probably wouldn't bother...

    BTW, what is this fabulous guest book idea?

     
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    Laylabelle    November 7, 2009  

    I'd tell her, but they'll probably be more flattered than anything! I think it's only rude to steal ideas if you're planning your wedding at the same time and discussing ideas... then it's awkward. But if they got married years ago, heck, they probably won't care at all!

    Yes, tell the idea! (So we can steal it, lol!)

     
    5.
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    daydreamwanderer       DC

    hehe, it's not super original, but I loved it.

    They had 12x12 scrapbook pages spread out on a long table at the entrance to the reception. Each page was separated into 4 sections (6x6 each), with the two 'kitty corner' (i.e. top left and bottom right; OR bottom left and top right) had a big X through it, and the opposite ones had lines for writing a message.

    There were two people 'working' the table, one with a digital camera, which I think was hooked up to upload automatically to a laptop. 

    When you came in, they would take your picture, then write the number from your photo (like the file number) on one of the x spots. You would tell the other person your name, and they wrote it on a list, also with the file number from the photo. Then you signed next to 'your' number on the x.

    After the wedding they printed the pictures and added them to the album, so each person's picture was next to where they signed.

    Since the pages were loose, people could spread out along the table and take a few minutes to write a nice note. I liked it because it was simple but still really personal!

    I've heard a lot of  mention of Polaroid guest books, and I assume that's pretty much the same thing as this. :)

     
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    bellenga    July 31, 2010   Georgia

    Having had some of my good plans before hijacked by my cousins the year after, I would think it is best and kindest even if they cannot attend to ask the wife's permission.  You have to put yourself in the shoes of others sometimes!

    My cousins did not ask me or approach me with their thoughts and it was rather obvious that they took my good ideas and ran with them.  I was a bit offended and said something to one of them at her wedding in fact.

    Even if your friends, the couple, do not attend, word WILL get out that you did the same thing and they may not be very happy with it.  Now if you approach them first, I think you'd get a good response.   Again, flattery and imitation is best accepted if courtesy is used first.  Just my thoughts.

     

     
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    Laylabelle    November 7, 2009  

    Oh, that's a super cool idea!!! Love it!

     
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    daydreamwanderer       DC

    @laylabelle - I know, right!? I figure it's realistic enough to keep on the coffee table or bookshelf, and the pics will be so fun to look back at ten, twenty, fifty  years later when I'm like, "who the heck is this person that came to my wedding because we went to college together?!" :)

     
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    luli29    October 9, 2010   Massachusetts

    I don't think you have to "ask for permission" at all. What...she can't tell you no!

    But you should tell her, as a compliment...she'll be flattered

     
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    pmerr    August 14, 2010   Rochester, NY

    You should just let her know/kind of ask for permission. If it's not really original, it's not a huge problem. IMO.

     
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    flamingred    June 19, 2010  

    I'm sure somewhere in the world someone else has done this too-it seems silly to "ask for permission".  Doesn't it? We are all grown ups.

     
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    CorgiTales    February 1, 2011  

    I wouldn't ask permission but I would let the bride know. Something along the lines of "I hope you don't mind, but I loved your guestbook idea so much that I'm planning on doing the same thing at my wedding?"

    I really don't think this is a big deal. I think the guestbook is a relatively minor detail, and it is 5 years later. :)

     
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    jhphi    January 1, 2008  

    I don't think it's a big deal-- it's a really common idea I've seen lots.

    Question: are you going to be doing the assembling yourself, afterwards?  If so, do you really need to have the numbers/names recorded?  Won't you recognize the people, and be able to paste them next to the appropriate signatures?

     
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    crebre80    November 20, 2010   Baton Rouge, LA

    I'd  just say something like OMG I soo loved your guestbook that you did at your wedding! I was totally thinking of the same thing since it turned out so well.  You rock (that's my big thing I tell everyone).

     
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    daydreamwanderer       DC

    @jhphi - I think the names were just in case for people like their parents' friends who came. We'll have a few of those too, so ... yeah.

     
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    texasmeredith      

    I'm sure she'll be flattered.  Also tell her she must have started a trend because these types of guest books are very popular these days.  

     
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    rabbit    September 3, 2010   Milwaukee, WI

    What a cool idea for a guestbook! I feel like everyday I run across a super idea for guestbooks and I keep changing my mind! Photoframes, plates, trees made of fingerprints, photos next to notes- they're all awesome! Thanks for sharing the idea with the hive!

     
    18.
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    vanessa_b      

    I would mention it to her casually.  Just say that you loved her guest book so much, would she mind if you did something similar?  Unless she's got a stick up her behind, it should be fine and you won't have to worry about it.

     
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    budgetbeautiful    9/26/09   Fredericksburg, VA

    I don't think you have to ask permission, but it is nice to let the bride know. I'm pretty sure one of our guests is going to "steal" a lot of my ideas for her upcoming wedding. She had the sense not to say as much to me, but other people told me she was saying that at our reception. She was a little drunk, so I don't fault her for blabbing. If she does, I'm flattered that she liked our ideas so much, but I'm hoping she comes up with a few of her own.

     
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    Future Mrs. Martin    August 21, 2010   London Ontario Canada

    Can you just do a polaroid guestbook instead so that it is the same concept but different?

     
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    daydreamwanderer       DC

    @Future Mrs. Martin - polaroids in and of themselves seem like more trouble than they're worth to me. Buying the camera, finding the film, getting a special polaroid guestbook... the expenses also add up quickly. Plus I feel like polaroids are so trendy right now (or 2 years ago), and I'm not really a trendy person. Her idea took what I do appreciate about the trend and left behind the parts I'm not so fond of (expense, trendiness), so it seemed like the perfect compromise.

    I don't THINK she'll mind. :)

     
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    JoonBee    06/2010  

    I don't think you have her for "permission" per se.  It IS your wedding, and who knows, maybe she copied it from someone else.  It's not THAT original, though a good idea.  I'd just mention it by passing that you are excited about the wedding planning and you remember her guest list and how much you loved it, and that you are thinking of doing it for your own.  She doesn't own the copyright for that guestbook idea.  I think it's a courtesy to give her a heads up that you are doing something similar to what she did.  Permission? Nah. 

    It would be different if you stole her idea and did it before she gets to, but she's already had her wedding years ago.  If anything, your guest book would remind people of the "original" if they had gone to her wedding as well.  I wouldn't mind, personally, because I've already "gone first" and people saw it at my wedding first.

     
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    Miss Chapstick    September 2009  

    Since her wedding was five years, and not five weeks ago, it's totally acceptable! I can see how she would be annoyed if her wedding took place within a few months or weeks, but years? I would see it as a compliment at this point!

    Also, this idea actually isn't super original anymore. I've heard of this at a lot of weddings. It's so awesome, though, and probably one of my fav guestbook ideas. I wouldn't even bring it up to her unless she attends, and she makes a comment. If she does, you can say, "Oh, I know! I've seen and heard of this being the new thing for guestbooks, and I loved it so much at your wedding, I decided to do it for mine!"

     

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