Both Parents Completely Apathetic About My Engagement (longish)

posted 1 year ago in Family
Member
3596 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t let your parents damper your happiness. You can’t control how other people react, you can only control how much you let it effect you. Don’t dwell on it, and enjoy your engagement.

My mother by the way was completely against my engagement(it’s a long story), I told my dad first, and I called later to tell her, her response “thats nice I guess.”  I just learned to let the bullshit go, it’s was hard because we were actually close and had a bumpy relationship since I entered by 20s because she  has not approved or agreed with my choices. I lower my expectations for her during the planning process, which made it easier. By the way she did eventually come around, and maybe your parents will too.

Member
590 posts
Busy bee

Ugh. That’s crappy. But as PP said, you can’t control how they react. My mom was very neutral when we got engaged. She loves FI, just didn’t act excited. She came around eventually. Even though I’ve lived away from home for forever, am independent, self-sufficient, employed, etc I think your daughter getting married is the last sign that she’s no longer your baby. You go from being their child to someone else’s wife. Even if you haven’t been their chold for years, giving away the bride is just a tradition now, etc, I think for parents something changes. Anyway, my mom worked it out eventually and is now having a lot of fun with planning. I hope your mom comes around too. But if not, you know you’re doing the best thing for your life. So congrats and YAY for you!

Member
1511 posts
Bumble bee

Wow, that’s really rude of them. I sorry your parents reacted that way. I can’t imagine a parent being so cold to their only daughter at such an exciting time, especially since you have your life all together and established. Not intending to knock younger brides but it’s not like youre 18/19, just graduated high school and live at home with little to no life experience.

I don’t really have any advice for you other then maybe confront them and have a serious chat about yours and their concerns.

A HUGE congrats to you guys! Would love to see pics of your new ring ;)

Member
599 posts
Busy bee

Thats rubbish! Fi and i have been engaged for almost a year and hid dad still isnt supportive so i understand a little. As the other girls said, ignore it and be happy….YAY YOURE GETTING HITCHED!! congratulations :-)

Member
4233 posts
Honey bee

@Overjoyed:  Sorry your parents were Debby Downers about your announcement! Don’t let them ruin your excitement though! CONGRATS!!!!

Member
2122 posts
Buzzing bee

If it were me, I would tell them how rude they are and let them know that they are doing a very good job pushing you away. 

When we told my dad, he was so excited he dropped the phone.  Not everyone is going to be like that, but you deserve at least a CONGRATS!

Member
710 posts
Busy bee

@Overjoyed:  ok.. first HUGS. I know where you’re coming from.. sort of. my older sister had a similar reaction to my engagement. My sister likes to pretend shes my mother (my mom passed when I was a kid and my dad isn’t in our lives). I knew me and my FH were getting engaged soon and when I told her and asked her if she was happy for me she said verbatim: “well i guess i have to be” uh. bitch. My FH had a talk with her when he was planning the proposal and she realized she was being a bitch and we hashed things out but honestly I’ve just wiped my hands clean of it and said whatever.

I know is so difficult when the people closest to you cant be happy for you but I hope that you have friends in your life that can get excited for you. My only saving grace was my BFF that was THRILLED and super giddy for me.

I’ve just lowered the expectations from her, I’ll no longer expect her to get excited and want to help me plan. It sucks, but sometimes that just not the role people are supposed to fill for you.

When my sis and I hashed things out she said something that rang pretty true: Not everyone is going to “fill the box you have set out for them in your head” — you have to let others fill that part, even if it isn’t the idea you had in your mind.

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