Boudoir Backfire :(

posted 7 years ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 3
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I briefly brought up the idea of this type of photoshoot with my then FI, now husband, and he was not interested in me pursuing the idea.  He said he wouldn’t feel comfortable with these types of pictures.   I can understand where you are both coming from on this.

Post # 5
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

I tested the waters before deciding to get boudouir pics. Glad I did, because the SO said he thinks ‘those kind of pictures’ are a waste of money. Says he can see me naked, w/o all that other frou-frou stuff in the way, any time he wants. Silly men, they don’t get it. He’s like, “What’s the point, when you can’t really show them to anybody, anyway? Aren’t they supposed to be a private thing? And isn’t the point of pro pics supposed to be so you can display them, and show them in your home, etc, etc?” (He’s gotta point there)

So, yeah, while I looooove the idea of boudouir pics, the SO isn’t so keen on them. Sorry your FI didn’t enjoy them the way you had hoped. Maybe he’ll come around eventually.

Post # 6
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

I hear about this a lot, but typically it’s discussed before the shoot, and then the shoot is nixed.  I am sure your FI will enjoy the pics in the long run, and the thoughts and concerns he has regarding them will diminish.  This is always the risk you take.

As a photographer, I do agree with your FI, I think these images are more for the women, and sometimes they use the gift idea to justify it to their SO.  If anything, get them done for yourself, it’s a free world and your SO will get over it.  Sometimes the “gift” thing may backfire, as seen here.

Did you have a male or female photog?

We also have not seen the images so can’t gauge how tame or wild or tasteful the images are, which may also be affecting your FI’s reactions.

Post # 7
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I had thought about foing these as well. I asked my fiance and he didn’t seem interested. He didn’t want another guy seeing me that way. So I asked what if it was a female photographer, he still didnt seem interested. I thought about getting them done anyway and surprising him. I thought once he saw them he would like them. Thank you for posting this. I think you have helped me decide not to push the issue. All I can say is I’m sorry he reacted that way… there must be something about us girls that make us want to be the ultimate centerfold for our guys… what is that about?

Post # 9
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m having a boudoir session and I’m pretty sure its 80% about me and 20% about him.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s all cool and swell with the idea, but he knows I’m doing it to feel empowered and beautiful and he is sooo thrilled about that aspect.  His exact words were ‘good, now you can see what I see when you’re naked and realize how awesome it is’.  Boudoir are supposed to be tasteful, I’m not taking any pictures I would be embarressed to have my mom stumble across! I can flip through a GQ and not feel uncomfortable so that’s what I’m thinking the safety line is.  Also, I want to have pictures of my body  before I have kids so I can always /sigh&smile looking back on them =D

Long story long- let the pictures be about you and feeling empowered! He will get used to them, it sounds like he’s more shocked you ventured so far out of your comfort zone than anything else!

Post # 10
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsPinkPeony: I brought it up and he said “No effing way! If I want photos like that of you, I will take them myself. Plus, I see you every day. I don’t need a secret album of naughty photos of you when I can just go dress you up and see you in the flesh.”

Post # 11
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I guess I’m wrong in my assumption that all men would love boudoir pics from their ladies…

My FH actually brought it up with me first, although I had secretly been considering doing it for a while. He begs me all the time for “nudes” and “sexy pics”. Mostly he wants me to text them to him, but I dont feel comfortable doing that (at least not totally naked), and I asked what he thought about getting some professional pics and he’s still all about it. Pretty much weekly he asks if I’ve had my pictures taken yet.

He wasn’t keen on the idea of having a male photographer, but I assured him the place I’m going to is 100% female run.

I know opinions are going to vary based on each man, but why wouldn’t a guy like to see his lady looking sexy and amazing? And even though he can “see you naked any time he wants”, it’s not like you’re always going to look the way you do now. It would be fun to have some pics to look back on and say “I used to be freaking hot!”

Post # 12
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

If you really want to do the shoot, don’t even mention it to your FI that you are doing it for him or it will be a gift.  Say, this interests you and it’s something you really want to do…..and then DO it.  LOL

 

Post # 13
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@MrsPinkPeony: your not alone.

I showed DH pictures of a nother bee on here who had pics done and asked him if he would be interested in it…he simply asked “why?” and its true. I think he was worried about the same thing as your man 1. who is taking the pics 3. WHY 4. what will i do with them after.

We had a friend who was house sitting for a friend and they found the boudoir album, i feel super akward for that couple now. That same person loved them though and then asked his fiance to do it! So i guess everyones different (i should add they made one of thos pics into a coaster….awkward!!)

 

I know your fiance said “he would love it, but knows you wouldnt do it” and maybe that was just his way of being polite as in “I would love to see yuor rocking hot body half naked” BUT “I can say that as i know she wont really do it” Its unfortunate that he reacted that way but i am sure he will come around!

Post # 14
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry that you didn’t get the reaction you were hoping for, especially since you went out of your comfort zone to do them!

Well, I did a boudoir shoot as a Christmas gift for my ex-husband about 4 years ago. I figured he would love them because I was always pretty modest and “tame” (if you know what I mean) and he always wanted something “more.” Plus he traveled for work all the time so I thought it would be something he could take with him. So I went out of MY comfort zone and had an album made for him. When I gave it to him, he looked at the pictures, said, “That’s nice, thanks,” and he put them in his bedside drawer and never looked at them again. When I asked him how he liked them later, he said he wanted something more graphic. :-/ Whatever. One of a million reasons why he’s my EX. But that really hurt, because 1) I was insulted that he would expect me to do something quasi-pornographic when he knew that really was uncomfortable for me and 2) it made me feel as though I was really unattractive in general, as though suggestive pictures of me just couldn’t cut it.

I told FI about all that when we were first dating and that I’d sworn I’d never do that again…and yet, I have scheduled a boudoir shoot for a wedding gift for my FI! First of all, we have a completely different dynamic in terms of intimacy. Obviously anything could be better than what I had with my ex, but without getting too sappy, my FI is just wonderful to me in every way and so the idea of doing a boudoir shoot for him is exciting, not uncomfortable. But I’m still a *little* nervous that he won’t be crazy about them either. We’ll see, I guess!

Post # 15
Member
4415 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I had a similar reaction from DH the other day–Not to Boudoir pictures, but to a sexy bustier/corset that I bought. I felt incredibly sexy in it, but he laughed at it–which was NOT the reaction that I wanted at all.  

Later I talked to him about how his reaction hurt me, and his response was that it just wasn’t me and all he could think about was where’s the pole.  Well that hurt too, but it is me. I love wearing that sexy stuff, always have, but haven’t done so in a long time, because I couldn’t afford the well made stuff.  So, now I’m still hurt, because I’ll never wear this stuff that makes me feel incredibly sexy because he’s not interested in seeing me in it. 

Anyway, kind of the same thing as you, but not quite. 

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