Bought her own ring

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
8385 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Roses91:  I say more power to her, she’s taking the situation into her own hands.  I personally wouldn’t do this because marriage was never that important to me, but everyone has different priorities.  I would think in a strong relationship, it shouldn’t really matter who is buying what/asking who.

Post # 4
442 posts
Helper bee

@Roses91:  Depends a lot on the relationship. If they were ready to get engaged and the sole thing stopping them was him saving to get the ring, then that’s fine. If she’s rushing him to get engaged when he’s not ready, that’s when it’s a problem. 

However, I do hope they talked about the fact that she was going to buy it before she actually did. I know a lot of guys do see saving up for the ring as a sign of being able to provide for their spouse and may feel emasculated if she just bought the ring without consulting him. 

Post # 5
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

More power to her! I hate the women who are waiting helplessly for their SO to make a move. She was unhappy to just sit by and wait, so she took action.


Now if only the other bees resenting waiting would do the same… (And I am not talking about those who’ve had the talk and are content to wait until he has enough $$. I’m talking about those who are miserable, have no timeline, and feel helpless)

Post # 6
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

More power to her for taking the initiative, but boy would it suck if he didn’t propose soon! I shudder to think…

Post # 7
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Roses91:  I actually had a friend who did this and it drove me nuts.

Her and her boyfriend had been dating for less than a year and she told him she wanted to get married. Before they even agreed about it she had ordered a ring with her credit card online (huge expensive ring) and gave it to him indicating she was waiting on the proposal. She of course then got into a fight with him a month later when he hadn’t proposed yet.

He ended up feeling pressured into proposing and they were married within a year. But the entire time she had the ring up in everyone’s faces showing it off and acting like the enagement was such a surprise and her boyfriend loved her so much for getting her this ring (she must’ve forgot she told us she bought it without him), then there was months of drama when she actually scratched her ring and sent it in for immediate repairs and you could still see a faint line where it was repaired and there was so much drama from her it was unbeleivable. 

Then when the did get married she told him he had to spend his own money to buy her an expensive wedding band that would match her ring…. they divorced less than a year after the wedding because he finally had enough of her “taking control” (she could take it too far because she felt women should be empowered to make things happen, but she forgot that HE had just as much say in this stuff as her).

I think unless the guy has proposed without a ring that you shouldn’t jump ahead and buy the ring yourself because then you are putting him in a very uncomfortable position – imagine if the guy left her and she was left with this expensive ring!

Post # 8
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

I knew someone who did this too..she went out and got the ring gave to her SO and waited for him to propose. He proposed a few months later and they’ve been married for about 6 years now. So it all worked out but a lot of people thought it was odd and thought she was trying to pressure him too much at the time. 

Post # 9
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Roses91:  there was a bride on Brideszillas a few seasons back that went out and bought her own ring and told her FI that they were getting married. It worked for them since they ended up on the show. I don’t see an issue with women doing this since clearly there are a ton of women waiting to be proposed to and are frustrated while they wait for him to make up his mind.


Post # 10
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Totally depends on the relationship! I mean, it’s not that different to my cousin, who inherited a gorgeous princess cut 1.5 carat ring and gave it to her SO to one day propose with, because she knew he would never be able to afford anything like it lol. I mean, if she’d been going out with the guy for like a week and did that, that’s a little terrifying, but if they’re both already aware that that’s where the relationship is going, then more power to her 🙂 

Post # 12
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@Roses91:  LOL totally unrelated but I read somewhere that Britney bought the ring that Kfed gave to her….Surprised

It’s different for everyone in relationships.  Is this pushy?  Perhaps, but if those two have talked about it and she didn’t want to wait and he is okay with it, that’s cool.  I think it’s great that instead of just ‘buying’ it and and then rocking it as an ering, she gave it to him so he can ask.

Would I do it?  Nope. 

On the flip side….I know someone who I look up to a LOT who got married without a ring.  They decided they wanted to get married after 10+ years of waiting (I don’t know how long exactly sorry), she had two kids with him after they got married (one when she was 38 and one when she was 40)….and her DH just wasn’t the ring buying type.  She wanted a ring, and he told her to get one herself, and she did.  Maybe that’s not for everyone, but it works for them.

Post # 15
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Roses91:  So they’ve never discussed getting married before? If not, then I think that’s presumptuous and pushy, just as I would if a guy proposed to his girlfriend out of the blue without ever speaking to her about their long term prospects first. I firmly believe that marriage needs to be discussed upfront, and that both people should 100% be on the same page, before the actual proposal. Regardless of who proposes.

Also, I’m all for women proposing, but surely she should be the one buying him an engagement ring/watch/whatever in that scenario?

ETA: For all the pp saying more power to her that she’s not waiting, she still is! I mean she’s given the ring to him so that he can decide when he’s ready to propose. Unless I’m mistaken, it doesn’t seem from the account the OP has given that her friend has had any conversations with her SO about marriage or timelines. So, really, isn’t she now both waiting and out of pocket?

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