Post # 1
I just heard some interesting news about a friend of a friend and thought I’d share in case any of you need a distraction- She bought her own ring.
Not as in “I know rings are expensive and SO and I have discussed being engaged and I really want to help him with the payments”…as in she decided she wanted to be engaged and didn’t want to wait until her boyfriend was able to afford a ring so she bought it, gave it to him, and is currently waiting for him to give it back to her.
I’m pretty open-minded about everyone having their own personal situation and doing what’s right for them, but wow! I feel like this is one of those things I wouldn’t believe was true if I hadn’t known the person. I know if it were me or any of my friends, that kind of a move would send our guys packing SOOO fast!!! But maybe this happens a lot?
I’m curious what everyone’s thoughts are. (Maybe this would have been a good poll?)
Post # 3
@Roses91: I say more power to her, she’s taking the situation into her own hands. I personally wouldn’t do this because marriage was never that important to me, but everyone has different priorities. I would think in a strong relationship, it shouldn’t really matter who is buying what/asking who.
Post # 4
@Roses91: Depends a lot on the relationship. If they were ready to get engaged and the sole thing stopping them was him saving to get the ring, then that’s fine. If she’s rushing him to get engaged when he’s not ready, that’s when it’s a problem.
However, I do hope they talked about the fact that she was going to buy it before she actually did. I know a lot of guys do see saving up for the ring as a sign of being able to provide for their spouse and may feel emasculated if she just bought the ring without consulting him.
Post # 5
More power to her! I hate the women who are waiting helplessly for their SO to make a move. She was unhappy to just sit by and wait, so she took action.
Now if only the other bees resenting waiting would do the same… (And I am not talking about those who’ve had the talk and are content to wait until he has enough $$. I’m talking about those who are miserable, have no timeline, and feel helpless)
Post # 6
More power to her for taking the initiative, but boy would it suck if he didn’t propose soon! I shudder to think…
Post # 7
@Roses91: I actually had a friend who did this and it drove me nuts.
Her and her boyfriend had been dating for less than a year and she told him she wanted to get married. Before they even agreed about it she had ordered a ring with her credit card online (huge expensive ring) and gave it to him indicating she was waiting on the proposal. She of course then got into a fight with him a month later when he hadn’t proposed yet.
He ended up feeling pressured into proposing and they were married within a year. But the entire time she had the ring up in everyone’s faces showing it off and acting like the enagement was such a surprise and her boyfriend loved her so much for getting her this ring (she must’ve forgot she told us she bought it without him), then there was months of drama when she actually scratched her ring and sent it in for immediate repairs and you could still see a faint line where it was repaired and there was so much drama from her it was unbeleivable.
Then when the did get married she told him he had to spend his own money to buy her an expensive wedding band that would match her ring…. they divorced less than a year after the wedding because he finally had enough of her “taking control” (she could take it too far because she felt women should be empowered to make things happen, but she forgot that HE had just as much say in this stuff as her).
I think unless the guy has proposed without a ring that you shouldn’t jump ahead and buy the ring yourself because then you are putting him in a very uncomfortable position – imagine if the guy left her and she was left with this expensive ring!
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
I knew someone who did this too..she went out and got the ring gave to her SO and waited for him to propose. He proposed a few months later and they’ve been married for about 6 years now. So it all worked out but a lot of people thought it was odd and thought she was trying to pressure him too much at the time.
Post # 9
@Roses91: there was a bride on Brideszillas a few seasons back that went out and bought her own ring and told her FI that they were getting married. It worked for them since they ended up on the show. I don’t see an issue with women doing this since clearly there are a ton of women waiting to be proposed to and are frustrated while they wait for him to make up his mind.
Post # 10
Totally depends on the relationship! I mean, it’s not that different to my cousin, who inherited a gorgeous princess cut 1.5 carat ring and gave it to her SO to one day propose with, because she knew he would never be able to afford anything like it lol. I mean, if she’d been going out with the guy for like a week and did that, that’s a little terrifying, but if they’re both already aware that that’s where the relationship is going, then more power to her 🙂
Post # 11
@juliana192: From what I know, she went to the jewelers herself and told him about it after the fact. I’m not sure how much they had talked about engagement prior which is why it would seem a bit pushy.
In response to what Housebee and VivienMarcheline have said, I agree that it’s good to empower yourself and as someone who was previously with a committment-phobe I know it can be awful to be a slave to someone else’s timeline (or lack thereof).
On the other hand, I think I would wonder whether he would have proposed had I not made it happen myself. Many people see the ring/proposal as a gesture of love and commitment from the person proposing, and wouldn’t want to take that away from them.
Post # 12
@Roses91: LOL totally unrelated but I read somewhere that Britney bought the ring that Kfed gave to her….
It’s different for everyone in relationships. Is this pushy? Perhaps, but if those two have talked about it and she didn’t want to wait and he is okay with it, that’s cool. I think it’s great that instead of just ‘buying’ it and and then rocking it as an ering, she gave it to him so he can ask.
Would I do it? Nope.
On the flip side….I know someone who I look up to a LOT who got married without a ring. They decided they wanted to get married after 10+ years of waiting (I don’t know how long exactly sorry), she had two kids with him after they got married (one when she was 38 and one when she was 40)….and her DH just wasn’t the ring buying type. She wanted a ring, and he told her to get one herself, and she did. Maybe that’s not for everyone, but it works for them.
Post # 13
@JessicaJupiter: That sounds like a really pushy bride! Hopefully this couple doesn’t go down the same road but there are some other signs that it might. I think you said it well that if he has proposed or talked about proposing without a ring and that lack of ring is the only thing not making it happen, then empowering both of you WITH a ring can be a great thing!
The key for me is both people having a say in their own shared future. I try to put myself in his shoes and if I were him and hadn’t yet agreed to be engaged and SO plopped a giant, expensive ring down on the table, I would feel pretty pressured and probably resentful.
But also, every man is different and some men really love a “take charge” woman lol
Post # 14
@veryberry13: LOL yep I also remember that about Britney- I remember that was a gorgeous ring too! I think I read that he was going to propose anyway so good for her (although KFed= maybe not the best choice in spouse, poor Britney)
As for the people you are talking about in your post, it sounds like they were both on the same page and so it worked out great for them!
Post # 15
@Roses91: So they’ve never discussed getting married before? If not, then I think that’s presumptuous and pushy, just as I would if a guy proposed to his girlfriend out of the blue without ever speaking to her about their long term prospects first. I firmly believe that marriage needs to be discussed upfront, and that both people should 100% be on the same page, before the actual proposal. Regardless of who proposes.
Also, I’m all for women proposing, but surely she should be the one buying him an engagement ring/watch/whatever in that scenario?
ETA: For all the pp saying more power to her that she’s not waiting, she still is! I mean she’s given the ring to him so that he can decide when he’s ready to propose. Unless I’m mistaken, it doesn’t seem from the account the OP has given that her friend has had any conversations with her SO about marriage or timelines. So, really, isn’t she now both waiting and out of pocket?
Post # 16
@NovaPotato: There were some conversations regarding marriage down the road, but there wasn’t any real “I’m ready to get engaged now” or “let’s do this over the next couple of months” so they were in that stage in the middle before he actually acknowledged being ready.
It might be awhile before he feels ready enough to propose on his own, assuming he gets no added pressure from her family.