Boundaries with friend's SO?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
980 posts
Busy bee

Yeah, that’s weird. And rude. I hate when people invite themselves over/out. And I can’t imagine why on earth she would need tobe there when her boyfriend isn’t even there anymore… 

People are strange.

Post # 4
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

She might think they are HER friends too now.

I still wouldnt invite myself over but just pointing out if I had hung out with some guys constantly for more than a year I would classify them as MY friends too not just my SO’s. I am a bit confused you keep on saying they are not her friends. Is there a rule which dictates

  • boys have to only be friends with boys
  • Girls may only be friends with girls

Or

  • They were your SO’s friends first so now they can not be yours?

 

My hubby’s Friends are some of my closest friends too. I would definately hang out with them without hubby around.

If they honestly really dont like her than its sad for her. You said she was a nice person.

Post # 5
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Also, if she were a guy would this be an issue, her hanging out with her friends?

Post # 7
Member
8418 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@juliana192:  Like other bees have said, she probably thinks your SO and his roomate are her close friends.  It sounds like your SO’s roomate isn’t even really annoyed at her being over all the time.  I agree that she sounds incredibly lonely, and a bit desperate, but maybe she’s just socially awkward?  When you say she’s over there with a computer playing and they’re playing video games, are you sure she’s not gaming too?  I used to bring my laptop/computer over to my friends’ places so we could game together.

Post # 9
Member
8418 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@juliana192:  Wait, so she just sits there while they play video games?  Why???  That sounds so boring, especially since she can just check her facebook at home.  How long has she lived in that area?  I find it a bit strange that someone who craves companionship so badly doesn’t have any friends of her own.

Post # 10
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If they don’t want her there, they need to say no. Ignoring her isn’t cool and letting her in because they don’t have a good reason other than they don’t want her there isn’t good either. Directness is always best.

 

Post # 11
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee

@MrsWBS:  +1. If your bf doesn’t want her there…he needs to tell her. She obviously considers them her friends too. Ignoring her is passive aggressive, getting his roommate to tell her she can’t come over is punk-like, and shit-talking her behind her back…I get in ya’ll are still in college but err…who does that?

Random thought-could it be that he’s afraid to tell you that he doesn’t mind her or even likes her because he thinks you’ll have a problem with it? The fact that he “gives-in” so much to me seems like he’s either cool with her or he’s a sucker. Does he do whatever you tell him to do (like is that just his personality?) or is it a soft spot for her?

Post # 12
Member
6270 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

why does she still have a key to get in.

change the locks.

Post # 13
Member
1334 posts
Bumble bee

If I were you, I’d definitely have a sit down talk with your SO and talk to him about boundaries. Boys are notorious for doing whatever they can to avoid confrontation so don’t hold your breath hoping your SO and other roommate will do something about this girl on their own.

There’s not a whole lot you yourself can do to block this girl from coming over 24/7 since it’s not your place.  BUT I would talk with your SO and tell him that it makes you really uncomfortable and irritated that she invites herself over even when her BF isn’t there and it’s affecting your intimate time.  You can’t block her from coming over, BUT you can have your SO keep her from coming over when you’re going to be there and her BF isn’t there.  It’s better to nip this in the bud NOW rather than trying to wait it out b/c all you’ll have is resentment built up inside and more than likely you’ll blow up at her later.  Plus, if you don’t find a way to figure out a compromise in a way that works for you, than this girl will get even more used to coming over ANYTIME and it’ll be that much more difficult to change things down the road.

Just my 2 cents, but g*ddamn this girl sounds super f*ing annoying.  I’m usually patient and pretty understanding but I can’t STAND people who just cling on to you like leeches.  Blecch >:P

Post # 16
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

MrsWBS +1 That’s just weird and bizarre that she just comes over like a third wheel, if your SO and roommate don’t want her to come over they need to say so to her and set boundaries if they want to continue to be friends with her, other than enabling her to pop up whenever.  Feeling bad or pity for someone has never done any good for anyone, with that being said Good Luck!  

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