Post # 1
So I posted this somewhere else, but figure I need some help with how to handle this. Sorry for the longish post.
A little background. We are currently ring shopping/in the process of making a ring. I am in charge of a lot of this. I know the budget and have been doing most of the ring shopping since his schedule is really busy and I’m a full time student and have the time. We’ve only told a few people we’ve been doing this because we want to announce we’re engaged once we have the ring and he proposes.
Anyway, Saturday we had small party and he ended up getting pretty drunk. My girlfriends were giving him a hard time about why/when he hasn’t proposed. They all know he works hard to support me (I got laid off in January and returned to school full time – prior to that I made more than him, something else they all know). Anyway, to defend himself, he told them he has $xxx amount of money for a ring and he’s just waiting on me to pick it out (he did say an actual amount). He did know the next day this was the wrong thing to say and that he shouldn’t have said it. He was drunk, they were pressing, he said something stupid and realize this, so I’m not mad at him. Problems with the situation though:
1.) I’m afraid my friends are upset now because I hadn’t mentioned any of this to them (except one). They know I’ve looked at rings and want to get engaged, but I don’t think they realized we were actually there.
2.) Everyone has thoughts about the cost of an engagement ring. I’m honestly more worried about people thinking we are spending to much vs. not enough. My friends are not terribly gossupy or anything, but things do get discussed. But it really bothers me they are going to know about how much the ring cost. I can’t put into words why it bothers me, it just does.
I don’t know if I should bring up what he said next time I see everyone, or wait and see if anyone asks me everything. Now they will be expecting an engagement anytime, and our anniversary and my birthday are coming up and I doubt either of those will be the day since at this point I’m pretty sure he’s going to wait until the ring is ready.
Post # 3
I would just leave it alone and who cares what people think about how much he spent. If they have issues with it then it is there issue. If you are happy with it, that is all that matters. As far as them asking you about it, I would just say “Oh you know how drunk boys can be….” and drop it. It will leave them guessing until you are ready to announce it.
Post # 4
Yeah, that does suck. I understand why he blurted something out though – friends pressuring the guy about proposing never makes the guy happy. If your friends seem like they are being snooty about any part of your ring, I would just blow them off. Real friends wouldn’t gossip about how much money your guy spends on your ring. I mean some people might be loaded but not feel the need to spend a lot on a ring, know what I mean? It is all based on personal choice/style.
Post # 5
tksjewelry – thanks for the line about drunk boys. I guess a big part of this was that I was excited to be able to announce it and he kind of stole my thunder (so to speak).
bloodgo1 – my friends have joked with him about it before and he doesn’t really care. His family are the ones that really try to pressure him, but he isn’t one to listen to anyone anyway.
I doubt my friends will ever be snooty about it. I guess I just worry sometimes because I am the youngest of the group (in my late 20s) and the only one in a relationship. I worry about alienating them sometimes. None of them have been anything but supportive and happy for me though as they’ve known me longer than I’ve been with the boy.
I just over-analyze and worry about things. So thanks for helping me put it perspective.
Post # 6
I totally understand about stealing the thunder, my FH told a nephew whilst intoxicated and said cousins wife announced it to the whole family (they live out of town) before we had the opportunity to get down there and announce it in person. It was kind of crushing. I was really looking forward to the hugs and congrats, she stole that moment from me and I will never get that back. Oh well, drunken boys, what can you do? LOL
Post # 7
I’m sure its not a big of a deal. And I’m sure when you do get engaged it will be just as exciting with all the wedding planning.
Hold tight and try not to let it bother you.
Post # 8
The engagement is about you and him- as long as you’re not hurting feelings it doesn’t matter how much your ring cost or when you’ll get engaged or if you kept it from people or not.
You are under no obligation to tell anyone you’re in the pre-planning stages (excepts MAYBE your parents,) getting a ring is like revealing the name or sex of a newborn- some couples like to keep it a surprise and no one is offended.
Post # 9
We have similar “I’m the one in charge of the ring-design process” stories. When we started shopping, I was SO excited a told a couple of people. Well, we didn’t get something ‘off the rack’, and now are starting this tedious designing it process, which is taking forever, and of course now those friends are bugging me about where we are and what we’re doing and blah blah and I wish I HADN’T told them because like someone else said, it’s none of their business where we are in the process. So don’t for a second feel bad about not telling them. And honestly, when people you know have gotten engaged, are you just happy for them or are you angry they didn’t tell you they were ring shopping?? Obviously the first. 🙂
And it’s also none of their business about the money.. they are all mature, grown women who understand financials are specific person-to-person depending on so many things, so they shouldn’t be judging you.