Post # 1
He admitted to me he bought a used ring, and it’s not the one I had told him I wanted, it’s not even rose gold, and it has to be sized before I can wear it. I honestly feel so so disappointed. Today is my last day camping with my mom, and we leave tomorrow, and he called to tell me this. I have no idea how to react. I know I’m so selfish and it’s not about the ring, but the ring I wanted was only $500. It is 1/4 carat total weight and it’s the one I really wanted. It’s not like it’s something we can’t afford and he KNOWS I loved it. The problem is he’s too obsessed with finding something used for cheaper than new. And, to top it off, it was from a failed engagement. I really don’t know how to feel about that. I am by no means a spoiled brat. I don’t even wear jewelry except a Pandora bracelet my boyfriend got me for Valentine’s Day. Buuuut from the link he sent me about the ring, it’s the total opposite of what I really liked. I just feel he is letting his cheapskate tendencies win out over what he knows I would have loved. This is the ring I wanted:
Then this is the one he bought used for about $150:
I honestly feel it’s the total opposite of what I like, and he knows I really don’t like the way princess cuts look on my hand. How do I react?
Post # 2
With kindness. The ring is just a symbol of your commitment to one another, but it’s also something you have to wear everyday. When you have a chance to talk with him face-to-face, as unemotionally as possible explain to him that you deeply appreciate how much he works to save money and be frugal, but the ring you wear as a daily reminder of your love for each other is special to you. You’d appreciate a piece more to your tastes for daily wear. The $500 ring you showed him wasn’t a “price to beat,” it was what you loved. You might offer to “go in” on it with him, as a symbol of the step you’re making together.
Post # 3
eveline: any chance he could be teasing you? You should just be honest with him, but accept the fact that you might have to wait a little longer for the ring you want if money is an issue.
Post # 4
eveline: if you don’t like it, you don’t like it. However, I see nothing wrong with trying to get more bang for your buck. The failed engagement is not relevant unless it’s the ring from a previous engagement he had with someone else.
There’s been lots of times the extra few hundred bucks could have really helped, so I commend him for being wise. however, he should have still taken your taste into account.
Post # 5
I don’t think I’d be too upset about it being “used”, but totally ignoring what you like is pretty rude of him…it doesn’t seem like he has put much thought into how meaningful this is for you.
Post # 6
i would say something like: ‘fiancé’s name, it’s really important to me that i love my engagement ring since i will be wearing it for the rest of my life. It’s not the style that we’d talked about and I’m a little bothered that it’s from a failed engagement. I don’t feel that this is the place to try and find the lowest price, as long as it is in our budget, i think that it’s an investment. is there a specific reason that you don’t want to buy the ring we had picked out? If it’s a financial issue, could I contribute to the purchase?
talk to him about it calmly. Ask him if he can sell the one he bought and buy the original ring or if there’s another solution.
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
Honestly, i would be really disappointed if he was easily able to afford the ring I loved & will hopefully wear forever but decided to go another route to save money. :/. What did you say when he called? I’m all about saving some $ but really. :/
Post # 8
It’s weird that he’s so obsessed with getting a deal when the original ring you said you loved is so comparatively cheap already! Though, I don’t know your budget, so maybe a $500 ring to him is what a $2000 ring would be to me. Anyway, here’s what I would do:
Tell him you’re so happy he bought you a ring, and you don’t want to hurt his feelings but since you’ll be wearing the ring forever, you feel you need to let him know it’s just not your style. I’d concentrate on concrete visible things wrong with the ring he got you, and not just focus on the fact that it was used. So, for example, tell him you love the look of the complete halo, and you wanted a rose gold band with more sparkle to it. Also, tell him the square stone thing doesn’t work for you because you’re worried the edges will always be catching on your sleeves and hair, which is why you wanted a round one.
Honestly, I think it’s just kind of not that nice that you showed him a reasonable, totally beautiful ring you loved, and he cheaped out and got something almost totally opposite your preferred style just because it was on sale or whatever. Sometimes you have to wonder just what the heck is going on in men’s brains.
Post # 9
The good thing about white gold is that I think it can be re-dipped and basically look new.
I am also typically all about the best deal, but yeah, this situation wouldn’t fly with me either.
Is money actually tight or he being cheap? There’s a big difference, as I learned all too well with my ex!
Post # 10
I would have no problem whatsoever that it it is used. Rings don’t really change much with age (my rig is about 100 years old)’ especially the stones. And he’s absolutely right that you can get a much better deal with a used ring. <br />
That being said, it’s a totally different style. Iwould focus on the style things that you want from a ring. May e youu guys can find a used ring in s style that you like – win win!
Post # 11
If he’s the kid of persn who’s always looking for a good deal, haunting ebay and the pawn shops, sometimes sacrificing quality for price, then you need to decide if you can accept that for the rest of your life, because chances are, he’s not going to change. it’s part of who he is. No matter what you choose to say (or not say) about the engagement ring, make sure you can live with his spending style before you accept his proposal.
Post # 12
eveline: I would be super disappointed. If I had wanted something super expensive, and he went the used route to make it more affordable, that to me would be okay.
But this, I agree with one of the other posters, he might just be teasing you. You did say he got you a pandora bracelet, which is by no means cheap.
Before we got engaged, my FI told me he was going to get a pawn shop ring and put it in a Tiffany’s box. LOL. He got me exactly what I wanted in the end. Guys just have a bad sense of humor sometimes.
Post # 13
eveline: P.S. If he’s serious; as soon as I got it, I would take it as the “stand-in” ring, and ask him when we are going shopping for the real one!
Post # 14
I guess I’m wondering what the issue is here? I have a “used” ring. My FI bought it from an auction. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. My FI did save some $$. The difference is that I love the ring. I don’t know the history of the ring. Personally I don’t care if it was from a failed engagement. If the ring was used but the one that you wanted would it be an issue?
Are you upset about the ring or is it more that he didn’t listen to what you wanted? Has your FI buying this ring made you feel like your not important enough to spend the extra money on? I realize that your unhappy with the ring but it sounds like there may be bigger issues.
My suggstion is not to get angry with him. Don’t tell him your disappointed. Be kind, calm, but honest. Tell him that you want to marry him and you appreciate the time and effort he’s put into finding a ring. Emphasize that it’s not what the ring costs that’s the issue. That’s it’s a beautiful ring but it’s not something you’d be happy wearing. That this style of ring isn’t flattering on your hand and it doesn’t suit your personal style. And would it be okay to re-sell the ring and go with the one that you’d be happier with? If you feel superstitious about a pre-owned ring I’d tell him that. “I know it may seem a little silly to you but I don’t want to take the chance that anything will spoil what we have.”
If he loves you he will understand and want you to have a ring you love. Just don’t make him feel that you don’t appreciate his efforts.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t be fussed about a used ring. Whether or not you get the ring you hope for, the engagement is the most important thing. There is always the option of a rose gold wedding band.