(Closed) Boyfriend is asking to move with him to another state

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@cellarxdoor:  Is he going to college? Why is he moving with his family?

I wonder why your mother doesn’t like your boyfriend. Think sh’es got any valid concerns at all?

If you are paying for your own college you’ve got a lot on the ball, good for you!

I guess, as a complete outsider, I’d counsel you to move to that town if youu cna find good reason to do so for *you* . soif that University has some strong attractions, ok. But to move soley to be with your boyfreind (note that he’s not staying in twon f or you–doesn’t that mean somehting) then I have to wonder about it.

Post # 5
Member
6125 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You just started junior college where you are. If I were you I would hold off a semester or two before I actually moved.  Give a little time to think it over. There is no hurry!  If it were meant to be then a few months out of 6 years can withstand the test of time.

Post # 7
Member
6125 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@cellarxdoor:  Do you mean the program is not transferrable? 

Post # 9
Member
2558 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

If you only have one morre year of college, why not wait it out til you graduate?  I think if you’re both serious about each other, one more year of the six to figure out where you each stand [career-wise & emotionally] after that would maybe benefit your guys’ relationship.  Just trying to think positive for you :].  Do you currently work?  Who would be supporting you & your bf?  If I were you in that exact situation, I would be patient & see how the distance works out.  There’s no rush & you two have the rest of your lives to be together :]

Post # 10
Member
6750 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Here’s my honest opinion.  When I was in college and law school NO MAN came between me and my studies.  I would never transfer to another school and make my time in school longer than necessary.  And for the first few years of my career, even my FI didn’t come between me and my job.  I had to build myself and do what I wanted first, so that I could never resent anyone else for not doing that.

What happens if you move to Colorado and then you two break up?  Now you’re stuck in a program that is taking you longer to complete in a state far away from any friends and family. 

I would either speed up graduation, if possible, by taking summer courses and extra courses during the semester – even if you graduate just a semester early, that’s only 1 year apart. If not possible, I would make arrangements to spend every long break (anything longer than 3 days) with him in Colorad (including full summers).

I’m 28 y/o, I’ve finished law school, I have 3 years experience practicing as an attorney and only now am I confident that I am going to move with my FI to another state.  When we first met, it was 2 weeks before I started my job, and he wanted to move out of NY (I’ve been wanting to move for a while now, I hate NY) and I told him, “I’m not quitting my job before 3 years.”  I knew that at the end of 3 years, I would get to be in a position in my career that I was comfortable with – and I did.  And now, I’m comfortable that if I move, I haven’t missed out on anything back home. 

As far as your mom thinking he’s not good enough, it’s probably because he doesn’t have much direction/ambition.  This isn’t meant to be insulting at all, because he just hasn’t “found” himself, yet.  But, your mom probably wants someone who knows what he wants out of life and goes out and gets it.  That’s great, but I’m sure your SO will catch up eventually.  College isn’t for everyone and I get that.  Your mom, though, probably does not.  If she’s anything like my mom, your SO should be a few years older and a few millions richer.  I know how hurt and insulting it is, but just remember that it’s probably nothing personal on your FI (unless it is?? I might be wrong.. I am just guessing). 

Post # 11
Member
6125 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@futuremrsk18:  What an excellent post!

 

I was adamant about NOT moving in with my H while we were dating (I went back to do an engineering Master’s) and we dated 3 whole years before getting engaged/moving in.  We got engaged literally 2 weeks after my last graduate class final – and then I moved in! 

School is a huge priority.  It’s going to constantly jockey for #1 position for your time, as would your boyfriend.  I found it very hard to manage seeing my BF then and my studies AND working and keeping up a house all together, but I managed to do it with diligence and a set schedule.  I really did not want to live togehter as I wanted to devote my full attention to that live-in relationship and I could not if I was in school.

Post # 12
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

You will be shooting yourself in the foot if you transfer schools this late in your college career. Finishing college in a timely manner is the best thing you can do for yourself! One of my close friends kept transferring colleges and eventually dropped out because it kept pushing back his graduation date and it was frustrating him.

Also, graduating on time will benefit your relationship, if it’s meant to be. It’s just best all-around if you don’t transfer.

Please don’t do it.

Post # 13
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

You say the costs of college would be the same, but wouldn’t you have to pay the out of state tuition if you moved? There’s a big differences between out of state tuition and in state.

There HAS to be a way for him to start over without moving so far away. Why not join the police academy near where you guys currently are? Or if he needs to move to the closest city near you. I would suggest these and bring up moving but after you finish school – like PPs said that really needs to be your top priority right now.

 

 

Post # 14
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Okay, as someone who has done this before, and is about to do it again in just a few weeks, I want to tell you that I think the idea is ill-advised.

If you’re a Junior, you are setting yourself up for some BS you might not have even forseen. First, you need to consider what credits will and will not transfer from your current University to one in Colorado. You’d be shocked at the possibility that basics like Biology or Geology might not transfer. Also, many universities require that you take at least 60 hours in residence in order to earn a BA, meaning that no matter how many courses you have taken to complete requirements for your major (non-GE classes), the new schol probably wouldn’t accept them. 60 hours is a lot of time, and if you’ve taken a good deal of your upper-level courses already, you can be setting yourself up for a world of hurt.

Also consider that schools requires 1 year of residence before being eligible for in-state tuition, and if you’re under 24, this whole thing can become more complicated because you are still considered “dependent” on your parents, regardless of whether or not you live with them. I had a horrendous experience with that very thing, so just be careful. 

If you have more than 60 credit hours to go, I would say it might be worth it. Might. You’ll never know how good or bad of a move it was until everything is set in stone.

As for me, I am 24 credit hours away from graduation, and I am picking up and moving (for FI’s job…) in just a few weeks. It SUCKS. I am all but completely screwed. 

I would think twice…hell, think three times before you do this.

Post # 15
Member
29 posts
Newbee

I would NOT move if it has anything to do with your boyfriend…Yes you love him and want to be with him, but when it comes to school you need to set yourself up for success. And if moving postpones your graduation, that just means more bills and less time in your chosen career. And he is the one that needs to “find himself” right now, while you are over halfway through college. I think it makes much more sense for you to stay where you are.

Also, long distance can be a good thing. Yes, it sucks…a lot (been in one for 2 years now) but if he is “the one” this will only make you stronger, and if he is not the one then you may be able to see that more clearly with the distance (hope that’s not the case for you though!!). In the scheme of things 1.5yrs is not that long and at least he isn’t moving across the country. I would stay where you are and then maybe both of you can figure out where you might like to go together after your graduation, whether it be Colorado, Texas or somewhere completely new!

Post # 16
Member
29 posts
Newbee

Oh and I would take summer classes if they are avaliable so you can graduate early (if that’s an option).

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