(Closed) Boyfriend is divorced, anyone been through this?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
717 posts
Busy bee

well it certainly sounds promising.  if he genuinely feels he’s ready to take that next step with you, then trust him.  keep open communication about it.

i understand your hesitation to be full-blown excited so just go with the flow

Post # 5
717 posts
Busy bee

Absolutely, so just bask in it and enjoy being engaged (hopefully soon!)

Post # 6
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It sounds really promising! It would be hard not to get my hopes up!!! My Fiance made me wait three years and I was nervous like you. Once it got close to when I thought he would, I had a mini meltdown and told him I didn’t know if I was ready. I regretted it as soon as I said it out loud though!! 

Post # 7
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yay – vacation! 

I’m so glad my husband is a terrible liar and could not have possible planned something like that.  I’d have figured him out and been freaking out forever. 

Post # 8
2778 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Sounds promising, lucky you!  My Fiance married before too, he was young and just did a dumb thing.  When we were first getting serious he told me he never wanted to get married again, I told him I couldn’t continue on in the relationship if that was just not a possibility at all, but we left it at that kept talking and eventually he changed his mind.  It wasn’t marriage that was bad he decided, it was just that he didnt marry the right person for him (and honestly did it way too young.)

Thats great that he left that open for you guys from the start and now hes ready!  I say you might be doing the right thing by not getting super excited altough I couldn’t help but get super excited over a surprise vacation!!

Post # 9
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Sounds like he’s indeed ready…

Not only is he ready, he’s made that DECLARATION (Men don’t say stuff generally when it comes to emotions unless they mean it)

Sounds like he’s indeed ready… and means it

And men who are ready… tend to make plans and want to push ahead quickly !!

I take it you are a bit nervous, scared, anxious etc about all this happening now that it is real (many of us have that emotion, even if it was something we’ve wanted a long while)… it is because SUDDENLY it all seems TOO REAL

BUT you are totally ok with it happening, right?  This is indeed what you want too, right?

If so, it is time to start having talks with him about YOUR Life Plan… he needs to know what it is you “envision” for the future… and to find out what he SEES happening

I say this, because you both need to be on the same page !!

Especially when it comes to the Wedding.

From your post, I take it YOU have never been married before… whereas he has.

Sometimes men (a lot of men) when they make up their minds want things to happen IMMEDIATELY.  This catches a lot of girls off guard… and they end up having to “slow down” their guy.

This is because Men only see Marriage as a Destination… they are ready, they expect it to happen ASAP

Women see Marriage as what comes AFTER the Wedding.  Men don’t understand the complexities of having a wedding.  They figure you call up a Minister, go out and buy a dress on Friday, and get married on Saturday.

They have NO IDEA how much work and time is involved in planning a wedding (and nor do they have an idea of the cost)

When I was married the first time… My Ex and I got engaged just before Christmas, he wanted to be married around Valentines Day (impossible for a good sized “Family Wedding” with about 100 Guests)… we settled on Autumn.  And still I felt somethings were rushed into preparation.

This time round…

Mr TTR and I were engaged in April on vacation at one of our favourite Beach Side Destinations.  If it was up to him, we might have gotten married right there and then, just the two of us… but I wanted an Engagement Ring (that took 6 weeks to find once we got home), time to tell family & friends, and plan out a small intimate wedding (not a Courthouse one).

NOTE – Mr TTR and I are both “Encore” Brides & Grooms… and we both had a lot of issues to get thru about our past lives (Exes, Divorces, Kids, Pain & Hurt, Trust Issues etc).  It took us 6+ years to get to this point in time, where it feels “safe” again enough for LOVE and MARRIAGE. 

So now we are Eloping to a Destination Wedding in December, to be married on the Beach at this same spot where he proposed.  It is about a 8 month span from start to finish, and even though we are having a small wedding (and later a Back Home Reception) things will still be tight timewise.

So why I am telling you all this?  Well because you need to check in with your guy to see what he has visualized… because as an Encore Groom, it could be possible that his dream wedding is a quiet just you two affair.  And the “vacation” he has planned includes a Wedding / Elopement as well (I’m not saying that is for sure what he is up to, but it wouldn’t surprise me in the least… happened to a Girlfriend of mine)

The good thing about having a LIFE PLAN chat with him at this point in time is you are both on the same page… wanting to get married.  It is just a matter of HOW it all comes together.  IF your dream is to have a Big White Wedding, and his isn’t then you can work thru that issue… and find a compromise (maybe a Destination Wedding with Family).  OR if you are both set on having a Big White Wedding here, the “vacation” could become your honeymoon.

Getting on the same page is important so neither of you will be disappointed, and no time or money will be lost in this “unknown” time.

As you don’t have a ring yet, I suggest that you approach the subject in as much as a lighthearted way as possible…. once the ball gets rolling on “the conversation” things should be ok, it is initiating it that is difficult.

Hope this helps,

PS… Happy to hear your good news… can’t wait to celebrate with you.  Do come back and show off the ring when it happens.

Post # 11
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Sounds like something special is going to happen!

Without telling you my whole life story, my Fiance has been married before, and went through a nasty divorce that really messed him up and he swore he would never get married again. 

So we were kinda dating but nothing super serious cause he knew I wanted to live together and get married and he did not. Well he took a small trip and came back with a whole different view, I don’t know if he had an epiphany or what! I kinda think he realized that he definitely wanted to be with me…forever, and didn’t want to lose me. 

It took about 2 weeks of him all of a sudden begging that I move in, that he wanted to get married, ect before I believed him. 

Post # 12
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Why don’t you just talk to him about your future instead of trying to read passive hints and getting yourself worked up? If you are really in the right relationship, you should be able to have an adult talk about your future!

Post # 13
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@This Time Round:  I completely agree with allot of things you said.


My Fiance had also been married before and never thought he would want to get married again. he had this mind frame for years. Then last September (I remember it vividly) he mentioned to me he thought he was ready to get married again, 6 weeks later he proposed on a suprise weekend getaway.From then on he was like a steam train I swear he would have married me the night be proposed if he could have. It’s frustrating for him that hes having to wait 8 months for our wedding.

Kuddos to him for being so open about his feelings and to you too for your patience. Best of luck to both of you.

Post # 16
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

LOL…I was you about 2-5 months ago. We had planned a vacation and he had small clues (words that LED me to believe it MAY happen) and I tried, I really did try to let go of those thoughts..but then I signed up on WeddingBee and hel,l that was it..I was an emotion of nerves, all excited, worried about a possible building myself up. I would be lying if I told you it was easy to relax and think about other things, or to focus on work, or the puppy or the house..because you cannot. (Best thing is you have us and everyone here will help you through it)

Do I think Mr. Man is ready? yes, I do. A man won’t say on his own accord with no pressure if he wasn’t. Good Luck to you 🙂 These next 3 mos will be unlike any other 3 mos you will ever have. This is a good time. You love him & he loves you.

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