Post # 1
My boyfriend and I are together 4.5 years, plus we live together. (Yes not engaged but the women on this board are great and I trust them) We spend most of our time together and 99% of the time we have an amazing time. The only fights we ever have are about little things around the house, and occasionally one about my anxiety since I can be a little sensitive/overreact sometimes. (I have OCD, mostly about relationship stuff/loved ones)
Normally on weekends we meet up with mutual friends to go to bars. Last weekend we met up with a guy who also has a girlfriend (but she didn’t come). When we were deciding what route to walk to the bar, my boyfriend said, “Let’s take the main street. More crazy things going on. As men in relationships, that kind of entertainment is all we have.” His friend laughed and agreed.
I asked him what he meant, and he said he just meant that because they aren’t going to be checking out girls or meeting girls, the only “entertainment” they have would be taking crowded streets to people-watch. He also said he didn’t intend to say it in front of me, he didn’t think I was listening, and he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings. He said that guys say this stuff all the time to be funny to each other, when their girlfriends aren’t around, and he only did it to bond with his friend.
I took it to mean that he is losing interest in me, no longer finds me attractive, and feels caged in, or wants to be single. I asked him if he feels smothered or trapped and he said “Of course not, that’s a ridiculous question.” (I do ask him silly stuff a lot because of my anxiety disorder so he’s become used to it). But I still can’t shake the idea that I’m somehow “boring” to him and that’s why he said it.
Should I just get over it? He keeps insisting it was a one-off joke and didn’t mean anything. I guess in all fairness I have made similar jokes with girlfriends, but for some reason this upsets me.
Post # 3
@anon00: I guess in all fairness I have made similar jokes with girlfriends
There you go! I think it’s pretty common for people in relationships to make jokes about being tied down, ect ect. I really do think it was an innocent comment on his side. I do think you are over reacting. He has apologized and I think it’s time to move past it. Making silly jokes does not mean he is not in love with you or wants to be single. He was being a boy!
Post # 4
Post # 5
Oh geez – this is not a big deal. My husband makes lewd comments about the weathergirl on the news every night and we just laugh.
Post # 6
I probably would have been a little put off too, honestly, but then gotten over it. Maybe it was a little insensitive to say it in front of you, but he was obviously kidding and apologized.
Once in a past long-distance relationship I had just flown 5 hours to see my boyfriend for the first time in months. We were saying Hi to his brother after returning to the airport and my ex asked his brother “What did you do last night?” His brother (pretty immature guy) said “Strip club!” and my ex said “oh man I’m so jealous!” He didn’t understand why I would be pissed about it and didn’t apologize. Now THAT really pissed me off.
Your guy’s reaction shows he really didn’t mean anything by it, and really does love and care for you. If you had said it you would have just been joking, right? Would he have gotten upset? Probably not, right? Move on. 🙂
Post # 7
I understand that, with an anxiety disorder, it is a lot harder to just let things go and your mind will keep dwelling on the joke but, as other posters said, you need to try and forget about it. Your boyfriend says it was just a joke; while it may have hurt your feelings, he did not intend to. As you said, you’ve made those kind of jokes with your girlfriends, so you know how people can say that as a joke and not mean it at all!
Post # 8
You are feeling insecure, so it’s all in your head. Relax about it so he doesn’t feel like he is walking on eggshells when he mentions another woman is attractive, or says something like what he said there.
Guys and girls do grow out of their hook up years, and even though they might still want to look at college girl in a short skirt and heels, or a hot guy running down the street on campus, doesn’t mean they want to pursue it.
You’ve got to coach yourself into being ok with this or you’ll always be overly jealous. You can overcome this!
Post # 10
@anon00: You should definately get over it. Guys do talk like this to each other all the time.
Post # 11
Yeah I don’t see this as offensive, it’s a totally typical type of sarcasm that most people in relationships make. It doesn’t bother me at all and I make the same jokes with my friends.
Post # 13
yes please get over it. I know what it’s like to overanalyze things like this and it will ruin your relationship. Shake it off girl. I know it’s easier said than done, but you’ve got to fake it til ya make it! Your quality of life will improve greatly once you can learn to not let these things get to you!
Post # 14
WOW- you guys are so rational. When I’ve asked advice on other boards (not this website) all the women just say “dump” for no reason. I think that’s the difference between dealing with other women in relationships vs. mostly single women. I appreciate all the advice!
Post # 15
Post # 16
I definitely get where he is coming from, but you are just overthinking this, he was joking around with a guy friend and I can tell you, almost every guy I know would probably joke around in exactly the same way. It’s like men talking about the ‘old ball and chain’, but they don’t mean it (well, mostly!).
I hope he can ease you anxieties, but really he didn’t mean anything sinister by it and I hope you can move on