Post # 1
We have been dating for 2 years now, and things are going well. However, for the last while my bf has been planning on going out west to find work. Well, he is leaving in a few weeks to move in with family over there.
I am happy for him. Part of the thing that motivated him (at least I think I had a part in this), was that we were talking and he was saying how he wanted a lot of kids and I told him “well you better get thinking about what you are going to do soon, because I can’t wait forever”. So I think that really pushed him to think about what he wants to do.
He’s still unsure what he wants to do, but he’s moving in hopes that he can find work. He was having a hard time finding work where he is right now. He still eventually wants to go to school too (not sure where or what yet either).
Anyway, anyone else do a long-distance relationship like this? I’m used to him being away since he’s in the military, but I think what’s bothering me about this is that there is so much uncertainty.
I would go with him in a heart beat if he wanted me to. But he hasn’t asked me to go with him. In part I think that is because he doesn’t know if he’s going to stay there. Most of his family is near me and he’s very close to family.
I’m just afraid he is going to meet someone down there and then forget about me 🙁 We have been together for 2 years, and I love him very much and would love to spend the rest of my life with him.
Any other bee’s have experience with this? Thanks in advance for your help! 🙂
Post # 3
What a difficult situation. You must be feeling very uncertain at the moment.
I think that you need to talk to your partner about this. It will be hard, but if you’ve been together 2 years, this is obviously a long-term relationship and it’s reasonable that you will want to discuss this. It may well be that you do end up being long-distance for a while longer, but I think that it would be helpful if you made some kind of plan (even if that was ‘we both want to be together eventually’ as a goal). That might make you feel more secure. Good luck x
Post # 4
@sarabee: I think you need to have a serious conversation with him about the future, where you fit in, etc. Understandable why he wouldn’t ask you to come, but he doesn’t sound as serious about you as you are about him.
I would see how it plays out, and ask him about what his priorities are. It sounds like he’s a bit lost and not necessarily very ambitious… I’d think carefully as to whether you want to be with a guy like this.
I’ve been dating my SO for 2 years and we’ve always discussed the future, kids, marriage… we live together and have similar goals and plan together finacially (still separate accounts but we pretty much combine incomes for all intents and purposes). He wouldn’t just move away out of the blue.
I’m just going on what you posted so obviously I don’t know the details… but if you’re worried he’s going to meet someone else and forget about you, things probably aren’t that serious between you two.
Post # 5
@sarabee: I cannot imagine how difficult this is for you! I think if my BF of 2 years moved away like that, I’d really have to question where we are headed. There has not been any talk of what things will be like? Will you still be BF/GF after this move? Does even talk about a LDR? Or does he think this is just the end of you two?
After dating 2 years, we were able to come up with a time line of engagement, wedding, life, etc.
Post # 6
Is he Guard or something? I guess I am confused how he’s in the military but can’t find a job? If he is guard doesn’t he have to come back your way at least twice a month for duty? It sounds like there is some opportunity to see him?
Post # 7
@deetroitwhat: He’s only part-time (we’re Canadian) I’m not exactly sure what you mean by guard?
My bf gets the odd tasking that comes up and decides whether or not he is going to take it. That’s pretty much how he gets work.
He’s looking for work outside the military, as he’s not sure if he wants to stay in it. He’s not sure what he wants to do, whether that be school or a job.
He’s moving to visit with family and possibly find a job. So we don’t even know if it’s a permanent thing yet :S
Post # 8
@sienna76: I guess we are just moving very slow then? I would like to be engaged at some point, but we haven’t really talked about it.
I feel bad bringing it up when he hasn’t really settled in life yet. He’s still not sure what he wants to do. But me on the other hand, I already have myself set up.
Post # 9
I know how you feel!
Me and my BF started out in a LDR, then he moved here. But he went back up there and due to finances, he hasn’t been able to come back. It’s been almost 7 months since we’ve been in person. It’s super hard but it CAN work. In July we’ll have been together 3 years.
Post # 10
I don’t see how a man who was taking your relationship seriously could up and leave after 2 years without any discussion of your future as a couple. I think that’s a very bad sign.
Post # 11
OP, I assume – unlike a lot of other Bees who are written – that you have spoken about this and are planning on staying together and making the long distance thing work for as long as you need to, yes?
It’s simply your insecurities talking when you say: “I’m just afraid he is going to meet someone down there and then forget about me :(” – which is completely silly because if he is moving so that he can get his act together and have kids with you I highly doubt that he’s even going to notice any other girl.
OR have you not spoken about how you plan to proceed with the relationship once he leaves?
I think this needs to be cleared up.
Post # 12
“I don’t see how a man who was taking your relationship seriously could up and leave after 2 years without any discussion of your future as a couple. I think that’s a very bad sign.”
You have the right to talk about where it’s going. If it’s going to “slow down” now, I wouldn’t take that as a good sign either.
Post # 13
Thanks everyone for your advice. I don’t think things are slowing down, my BF has never been one to really discuss feelings. I know that he does care about me though. But I do think it’s been long enough and that I have to just be brave and bring up the talk about our future.
I was kind of hoping that he would naturally start thinking about this, especially now that it has been 2 years. I have friends who’s bf’s are more than ready to do much more than have the future talk. Most of my friends have kids and are living with their bf’s.
My bf still lives at home, I think that is the problem. He’s very close to his family, and I think that’s awesome. I just hope he can break the apron strings a little so to speak.
Post # 14
Well it’s been over 4 months almost now that I posted the original post. My SO and I broke up shortly after this was posted.
I tried on several occassions to get him to discuss if we had any sort of future. I asked him if he saw a future for us and he said “I don’t know”. Then I asked him if he wanted me to move down there with him (not live with him, but so that we could still be close to one another), again he answered “I don’t know.” I could easily have found work down there. But I could tell that things weren’t working out.
He then asked me what I wanted to do, so I told him that I think we only had one option, since we obviously weren’t on the same page (and it didn’t seem like he really wanted to discuss anything or try to work out some solution). So we broke up.
I’m kind of glad things ended, because they weren’t really working out and I think I was kind of kidding myself for the longest time. It’s a shame, because we were together so long. But I can’t be with someone who can’t communicate with me, especially after 2 years together. So I think it’s for the best.
Post # 15
@sarabee: I’m so sorry that things didn’t work out. However, after taking some time to reflect, you will definitely find someone who is more on your page about things and who is more sure about his feelings/intentions with you. Just be really good to yourself for the time being.
Post # 16
@sarabee: I’m sorry to hear that, but I agree with you that it’s for the best.
Here’s hoping things are better the next time we hear from you.