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I "officially" got engaged on July 4th, even though we have been "unofficially" planning our wedding for some months. Well, I am having a hard time actually thinking of introducing my love as my "fiance." I know it sounds weird, but we have been together for 4 years and I am just so comfortable saying he is my "boyfriend." What do you think? Do I have to call him my fiance? Is it faux pas not to?
Oh, and just in case anyone thinks it, I don't have any hesitations about the wedding or marrying him b/c he is definitely the one for me. I think he is having a hard time too b/c he asked if I had ever referred to him as my fiance and when I said no, we both agreed that it feels odd. Maybe we are just silly. We even joked that it might be cute if we called each other "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" even after being married for many years.
Oops, I think you meant to write "Boyfriend OR fiance" not "Boyfriend of fiance." 
I think it's okay to not like the term "fiance." I've heard other people say that too, that it feels like a goofy word to them. I think there may have even been a Seinfeld episode about it.
I don't think it's wrong for you to call him boyfriend, except some people might get confused. I never called my husband or boyfriend or fiance anything...I call him Howard. :)
Totally okay - my sister was dating her beloved for 4 years before they got engaged, and it took her a while to get comfortable saying that. If you've defined your love always as your boyfriend, it could feel weird to define them as something else - changes that comfort zone (just in words, not feelings). Whatever works for you is acceptable and great, in my opinion.
We dated for four years before getting engaged. Just as I was getting used to calling him my fiance (I had a year to get accustomed), he's now my husband... Luckily this is the last change in status (I hope) we'll make.
I think you're talking about how you refer to him when you're talking to others, right? You can refer to him however you like - but just think of using the term 'fiance' as a way of letting others know that you're engaged. You may be uncomfortable with the term, but to everyone else it's perfectly natural.
it took me a few months to get used to saying "fiance." sometimes we would both forget, and introduce/refer to the other as "my boyfriend/girlfriend." the transition to husband also takes a bit too - we got married two months ago and "husband" finally feels natural to me. i liked saying it right away, but i'd get that "ooo! wow! weird!" feeling afterwards, lol. now it's finally normal.
i think it's fine if you don't call him your fiance. however i'll bet that after a few months fiance will feel normal and boyfriend will seem odd. :)
Ha, you're going to think this is weird, but my "boyfriend/fiance" and I have been calling each other "wife" and "husband" for months! And we aren't getting married until next year! Not in public so much, but around our families. Why? Because it's fun! I think of him as my husband (we've been dating six years!) and it seems appropriate (though I would never do it if it would make our actual marriage seem less monumental). I think it will be totally easy to transition once we're officially wed ;o)
But basically, its all personal preference! I find "fiance" so formal, but it does let people know where you stand. In public or to strangers I tend to alternate between "boyfriend" and "fiance", whichever slips out :o)
I thought Fiance was a funny word too. More because I felt like when I said 'fiance' it was a big announcement. Yeah in the first week it's kinda an announcement - but 2 months later not so much. People would always then start asking about wedding stuff - and I didn't want anyone to feel obligated to ask all those questions. Does that makes sense?
Anyways I never really got used to it either. Actually I was much more comfortable with 'husband' and starting using that prematurely - oops! I guess it helped we only had a 4 month engagement... I didn't have to think about the word 'fiance' for too long :)
I am trying to use it because I think it is important to mark this time with a special designation (for me).
Both of us have been struggling with it, because we're so used to habitually saying boyfriend/girlfriend. The funny thing is, just before we got engaged, I was getting to the point where I thought boyfriend didn't really capture our relationship status any more. Now I realize it is a hard habit to break... but I'm enjoying doing it, and I love love love being engaged :D
honestly I had been waiting for two to get engaged. OMG!!! I have the same probelm. My Fiance/Boyfriend have been dating for 6 years and I have the hardest time saying fiance. When I introduce him its fiance when its people we have known for awhile the boyfriend word keeps slipping out.
IDK I love him and thats all that matters the important title is Husband and Wife who cares about the inbetween.
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It's definitely an adjustment. My honey and I had been together 5 years when we got engaged. Just before we were engaged, we had been talking about how boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't seem like the right term after 5 years together. It was still a huge adjustment for both of us to start using "fiance", because it meant changing our habits. It's no reflection on your feelings for each other, and there aren't any rules about it. Call your honey what you are most comfortable calling him!
It's so nice to know that my "fiance" and I aren't the only ones that refer to each other as husband and wife before we're officially married. We marry in October 2008, and have only been together since January 2007, but we've been calling each other husband and wife (in public, mostly) since about month six (before we were officially engaged) because it felt so right.
Congratulations and remember, it's only a title! Do what feels good to you!
It took me awhile to start saying "finace" instead of boyfriend, and we only dated for a year and a half! Whenever I would say boyfriend, my fh would correct me and pretend like he was insulted, and point at my ring finger. I ended up finally getting used to it because people would remind me that we were now engaged or they would ask about the ring.
Congrats on your engagement -- it is a wonderful time!
I know this isn't the original of this post but...I have to share some thoughts on calling each other husband and wife before the wedding! First, of course you can call each other anything you'd like because well, no one knows your relationship like you do and really, it's no one's business. And despite that it is not really my business and the fact that you are, of course, entitled to any terms you choose...I have to interject!
Just based on my experience, it would have been so anticlimactic at and after the wedding to use the term "husband" if I had already been using it at all. One of the most important and special parts of the day for me was being able to call him husband and to be called wife. Eventhough he were together for six years before we got married, I think if we had used those terms earlier, it wouldn't have been as speical on the big day.A lot of what we did on the honeymoon was to exclaim..."You're my husband!!" or "Wife, let's go to dinner." I just don't think it would be the same if you use the terms before the wedding.
Same thing with the fiance vs. boyfriend issue. You only get to be engaged once in your life (hopefully) and I had such a great time sharing my stores and receiving congratulations when I talked about or intorduced my fiance. I was thrilled to finally get to call him my fiance after close to five years so maybe that has something to do with it? Just don't cheat yourself out of any of the magic of your engagement, which includes the "f" word.
Any other marrieds have input on the pre-wedding husband and wife? Other engaged ladies throughts about fiance(e)?
It took a while for us to get used to fiance(e) as well, but it seems normal now (probably took 4-5 months or so to sink in). As we approach our date, we've started referring to each other as future wife/husband. That sound *really* strange!
The original post sounds like something I would write. We are about 6 weeks away, and I still like the ring of boyfriend vs. fiance. The word fiance has an air of snootiness to me, even though that is the correct title! (maybe it's the "Frenchiness" of it.) I'm having issues with the husband/wife titles also, I guess it makes me feel old. My own personal issues. Oh, and I I love my man dearly too, I'm having no fears about committing, but the titles will take some getting used to!
Ahhh! I am so glad others feel the same way! My "fiance" and I have been together for over four year and engaged for 5 months. "Fiance" is always so strange to say- I feel like an middle-age socialite when I say the word... "feee-yawn-say" (phonetically.) Sometimes I say it, sometimes I don't. Either way, he knows I love him.
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i agree with mrsspitzer - it would have taken some of the magic away if we called each other husband/wife before we got married. it was a big deal to both of us to be able to say "hey, you're my husband/wife now!" but we're more traditional, i guess. for some couples, that distinction may not be as important.
been with mine for almost 8 years...just recently got engaged, it's sooo weird saying fiance, actually i haven't said it, it's not a reservation about the status, it's just the fact that it's a weird word for us.
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Whenever I said 'fiance', it sounded like a big announcement to me too. 'Husband' on the other hand, felt totally natural right off the bat
Yay! Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels weird saying 'fiance' 
...maybe b/c the only time I really use it is when I'm talking to people who don't know us that well -- otherwise I would just use his name. Whenever I mention 'fiance' people inevitably look for the ring, so I've kind of relapsed into using 'boyfriend'.
But like so many have said, it's really whatever you're comfortable with. I have a friend who got married a year ago, and she and her husband still use the terms Boyfriend and Girlfriend...but they used the terms as proper names before they were married ("Boyfriend and I are trying out a new restaurant tonight.") so they're like pet names and it totally seems normal for them. It's really a personal thing and what feels right, I guess!
Yay! Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels weird saying 'fiance' ...maybe b/c the only time I really use it is when I'm talking to people who don't know us that well -- otherwise I would just use his name. Whenever I mention 'fiance' people inevitably look for the ring, so I've kind of relapsed into using 'boyfriend'.
But like so many have said, it's really whatever you're comfortable with. I have a friend who got married a year ago, and she and her husband still use the terms Boyfriend and Girlfriend...but they used the terms as proper names before they were married ("Boyfriend and I are trying out a new restaurant tonight.") so they're like pet names and it totally seems normal for them. It's really a personal thing and what feels right, I guess!
I call mine either my boyfriend or partner, depending on who I'm talking to. I'm not 100% sure I'll actually call him my husband once we're married, I really like the idea of us being partners in life/crime...
I slip back into boyfriend, just because it's a much easier word to say, and fiance gets me weird looks sometimes (I'm 21, young for this day and age). Most of the time I try to use fiance though.
Update: Since I posted the original message a lot has changed. And, you will be happy to know that it now feels more natural to say "fiance." In fact, the only time that my FI called me his girlfriend recently was when he was stuck on the side of the road after his car stopped. We started bickering over something simple and when the tow truck drive arrived, the tow truck driver asked if I was his girlfriend. I NEVER told the tow drive that I was his girlfriend, so I assume my FI called me that b/c he was upset at the time (lol). I almost didn't know how to respond - I was so suprised to hear the word girlfriend! Isn't it weird how things change? Who knows, maybe in a few years I will be "mom," which will be a BIG adjustment.
i, too, have the same "problem". only because i find the word fiance to be extremely...ahem "gay". i mean...i don't need to announce to the world i am engaged. i continually refer to him as the boyfriend, i don't really care what people think. when my friends refer to him as a fiance, i correct them, i say he's going from boyfriend to husband. there will be no fiance in between. it's not even an english word and it puts a weird twist to the title. plus, i've seen girls who were so happy to be engaged, the guys lost their identity, it was fiance this and that! all of a sudden they didn't have names! people who are close to you will know he's your fiance so you don't have to use the word, you can prob just use his name. for people who don't know you well, it's none of their business right? but i do think for wedding planning purposes, i do use fiance, but when i do, it's VERY strange.
I still slip up and call him my "boyfriend" after almost a year of being engaged, but he quickly corrects me. I'm surprised that he hasn't actually referred to me as his girlfriend during that time.
I guess Mr. Doodle is just better at it than I am.
I think the term fiance carries an indication of moving on to the next step, but if you aren't comfortable with it, of course you shouldn't use it. Personally, it took me several weeks to get used to the term, but now "fiance" is the only thing that sounds and feels right. He's more than a boyfriend. He's the man i'll be spending my life with! :)
Call him whatever you like :) I didn't really like the term finace (I felt like I was trying to get people to ask me about our wedding...) so I usually just called him by his first name and everyone either new his name or figured it out :)
We too avoided using fiance, it just has a presumptuous sound to me. The only time we really used the term was when dealing with wedding planning/vendors. We had been together for awhile, and I think we had been emotionally married for awhile. The whole engagement phase just felt like a necessary step to get into the next phase, but nothing really extrordinarly special. Thats just us :)
Actually.... im married now and can't seem to say husband... so ya I still say boyfriend. (even when i was engaged - boyfriend was the word -- fiance was weird to my ears)
I think everyone should do what feels most comfortable to them. My fiancé and I have been engaged for a couple of months now, and it's still taking time to remember to use the word fiancé and not boyfriend. I don't have an issue with the word, however... I was a French minor in undergrad, so it seems more normal to me than it might to others (and that lovely minor is also why I incessantly use the accented é ... it's out of habit more than being particular about it). Husband/boyfriend/fiancé/signficant other/partner/etc... it doesn't really matter in the end... what matters is the relationship...
To borrow a line from Shakespeare:
"What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet"
I think for me its so surreal that often i still refer to him as my "boyfriend" and we've been engaged since april... luckily we have a 23 month engagement, so i'll be able to get used to "fiance" before i have to get used to "hubby"... LOL. I think its kinda normal... but that's just me! :)
I think it's weird calling my love "my fiancé" too and I'm glad that I'm not the only one. To me it almost seems as if I am boasting that we're getting married and I am not one who likes to call attention to herself. However, since we've lived together for 3+ years, sometimes when business needs to get done i.e. complaining about our cable which is in his name, I explain that I am his wife, just so I don't run into any problems with them questioning my authority.
I also have terrible neuroses about using the word "fiance" and prefer "boyfriend." Actually, I just prefer to use his name, but that generally doesn't work with casual acquaintances who've never met him, like co-workers.
I'll admit that the reason I dislike saying "fiance" is because it reminds me of that old Seinfeld episode where, at a cocktail party at someone's apartment, Elaine gets stuck in a conversation with an insufferable woman who says, "Have you seen my fiance? I have lost my fiance!" And the kicker is that she pronounces "fiance" like "fee-on-SAY," with the emphasis on the last syllable. It's like nails on a chalkboard, and I hear the entire scene in my head every time I say "fiance."
i felt the same way!! and now, in 11 weeks, i'm going to have to say husband. I'm freaking out, man
Me and my now fiance have been going out for 4 months and I am so sure shes the one for me. Ive been having trouble lately with the transfer from the word girlfriend to fiance. Whenever i say girlfriend to her or someone else she gets really mad because she thinks that i dont think of her as my fiance. I am just so used to calling her that (girlfriend), that its stuck in my head. Sometimes, and im hoping to be all the time, i call her my fiance and shes happy. What can i do to remember to say fiance? i love her so much she is the most amazing girl in the world. i only want to see her happy and her beautiful smile that lights up my life.
ilovedaniellesomuch
I hate the word Fiance. I always just call him my boy. Fiance just sounds so...beyotchy.
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