Post # 1
My boyfriend of about 2.5 years told me he’d be ready to have our parents meet in January and book the wedding date!! In my culture it is normal to have parents meet only when the couple is ready to be married. Where I’m from you also need to plan and book about two years in advance so booking early 2018 makes sense for a 2020 wedding. What I’m struggling with is waiting until the meet, the booking, and deciding whether or not to announce it to my friends even though there will be no ring?
I also want to keep these plans under wraps since things may change or he may want to delay things if he doesn’t feel ready come January. So I’m in between being excited yet keeping my mouth shut to my friends, being afraid he may delay things and waiting.
So far I have been contacting a few vendors just so I have an idea of how much people are charging because I want to be able to book my photo and video around the same time the wedding date is secured. Where I live there are a few really popular vendors that get booked up fast. I want to be ready to book so I don’t miss out on them.
Where I am having trouble is I have no friends that I can talk to this about except my boyfriend yet he does not share the same excitement. He does want these things with me but he is taking a more practical approach and is less excited due to being concerned more about the finances. The finances scare me too but I also possess some excitement as well. I feel bad every time I bring it up because he always says, “Lets just enjoy life right now.” But how is talking about how future wedding not enjoying life?!?
I’m in a weird limbo of almost being engaged yet not being able to book anything or talk about it to anyone
How do I keep my mouth shut until January so I don’t keep stressing him out and allowing him to enjoy these next months without wedding talk?
Post # 2
I’m sorry sweetie, but something sounds off about this to me.
I do understand that culturally for the two of you, a meeting of the parents when you’re ready to set a wedding date/ book a venue etc is the way you do things- and this is fine if you’re in agreement on it.
What I find concerning is that you say you’re uncertain your boyfriend will be ready in January and that discussing wedding plans is hindering his enjoyment of the time leading up to it. Now you know him better so perhaps he is a quiet introverted person who doesn’t get all outwardly excited or emotional- but is every bit on board with these plans. OR it could be a sign that you’re not on the same page, you’re sensing reluctance and uncertainty on his part & you’re simply hoping he’ll have a change of heart by January. OR he may be happy with these plans but in your excitement, it’s become all you talk about. Which of these scenarios seems to fit?
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park
You don’t need a ring to be engaged, but is there a reason you are waiting on the ring part? Will you still announce engagement to your social circle without a ring or will it not be “official” until you have the ring?
Post # 4
I agree that it’s a bit concerning that you say he “might not be ready”.
Fine that your parents have to meet first. Fine that there’s no ring (a ring doesn’t make an engagement). Fine if you want to book things 2 years in advance (although I’m sure you could find ways around this if you were willing to be flexible regarding vendors).
But as for him not being ready – why wouldn’t he be ready? Is he waiting for something to change? If you’ve been dating for 2.5 years, that’ll be 3 years in Jan, and if that’s not long enough to decide if you want to spend your life with someone, what length of time is?
And I think once there is an agreement and the parents have met, you can definitely announce it to your friends. They don’t need to see a ring to know you’re engaged.
And as for keeping your mouth shut – I joined this boards when I knew and engagement was coming but hadn’t quite come and I wanted to talk wedding things but couldn’t do so with my friends.
Post # 5
In a way, I get this, because my FI said he’d be proposing soon back in January/February this year, and I knew it would be around May. However, I was only waiting for a little less than 4 months, and I knew for sure it was happening. I mean, I’m insecure sometimes, so I had like superficial doubts, but yeah. My FI and I talked about it, went ring shopping, etc. He never got upset when I got excited for the upcoming proposal and wedding; he was excited too.
You’re talking about possibly getting engaged seven months from now. That just seems so precarious to me, especially if he doesn’t want to talk about it with you.
I know it’s hard, but you definitely need to keep this under wraps. If you want to share the excitement with your firends, you can just say that it’s getting serious and you think this is it, and you can get excited together about that.
Post # 6
RobbieAndJuliahaha : its definitely the first but I’m glad you brought that up. He is introverted and very careful about the decisions he makes in life. It took him two months to make things official with me and said that he only wanted one girl friend and to marry that one so he wanted to be sure he was making the right decision. My fear is that I’ll burn him out of wedding talk before it even begins
slomotion : what i think i will do is wait about 6 months after we figure out things with my parents and book the venues regardless if there is a ring or not. I just have a desire to keep it private within the immediate family first and then tell people when my parents are also sharing the news. Additionally I feel a bit awkward telling people I’m engaged but responding that I dont have the ring yet when they ask to see it. Hope that makes sense
sensoda : he’s always known he wants to marry me close to when we became official. It was always when and not if. He’s designed his room for when I move into it so I’m definitely not doubting that he wants to marry me. The things that are scaring him is that he wants to be more solid with his career and have something to show my parents. And you’re right. Once we book the dates there really isnt anything stopping me from sharing the news.
knotyet : he was definitely open to comparing prices with me and checking out the work they do. He has given me input and said he likes who I’ve chosen. I think its because I keep talking about it even though it’s decided on that it almost gets annoying? I feel like its more my issue because I get sad when he’s not as excited as I am and I get deflated. He tells me he wants me to be able to talk about it
Post # 7
weatherbee : you say get the ring “yet”. So you guys are planning a ring, or no?
Post # 8
Is there a reason you can’t get a ring at the same time?
Post # 9
yaara : Yeah we’re planning on a ring. He already knows the style I want but I only know that he plans on buying it a year from the actual wedding (2020). So that would be ballpark two years away from today
Innerdonught : because he wants to save. I told him I’m happy with whatever budget he uses. He knows the style I want. I also dont want a two year long engagement. One year or 1.5 years I’m okay with
Post # 10
RobbieAndJuliahaha : What culture is this? What set of parents don’t want to meet their child’s future mate? I’d wait til I had a chunk of carbon on my finger. This seems fishy to me.
Post # 11
merrymargaret : I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick as usual
Post # 12
merrymargaret : indian. They are meeting my future mate when he and I decide to start the wedding planning process. They’ll have a full two years to get to know him and trust my judgement as a 27 year old.