Boyfriend ready for non-ring engagement in January (so far)

posted 2 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
4335 posts
Honey bee

I’m sorry sweetie, but something sounds off about this to me. 

I do understand that culturally for the two of you, a meeting of the parents when you’re ready to set a wedding date/ book a venue etc is the way you do things- and this is fine if you’re in agreement on it. 

What I find concerning is that you say you’re uncertain your boyfriend will be ready in January and that discussing wedding plans is hindering his enjoyment of the time leading up to it. Now you know him better so perhaps he is a quiet introverted person who doesn’t get all outwardly excited or emotional- but is every bit on board with these plans. OR it could be a sign that you’re not on the same page, you’re sensing reluctance and uncertainty on his part & you’re simply hoping he’ll have a change of heart by January. OR he may be happy with these plans but in your excitement, it’s become all you talk about. Which of these scenarios seems to fit?

Post # 3
Member
5551 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

You don’t need a ring to be engaged, but is there a reason you are waiting on the ring part? Will you still announce engagement to your social circle without a ring or will it not be “official” until you have the ring?

Post # 4
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I agree that it’s a bit concerning that you say he “might not be ready”.

Fine that your parents have to meet first. Fine that there’s no ring (a ring doesn’t make an engagement). Fine if you want to book things 2 years in advance (although I’m sure you could find ways around this if you were willing to be flexible regarding vendors).

But as for him not being ready – why wouldn’t he be ready? Is he waiting for something to change? If you’ve been dating for 2.5 years, that’ll be 3 years in Jan, and if that’s not long enough to decide if you want to spend your life with someone, what length of time is?

And I think once there is an agreement and the parents have met, you can definitely announce it to your friends. They don’t need to see a ring to know you’re engaged.

And as for keeping your mouth shut – I joined this boards when I knew and engagement was coming but hadn’t quite come and I wanted to talk wedding things but couldn’t do so with my friends.

Post # 5
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

In a way, I get this, because my FI said he’d be proposing soon back in January/February this year, and I knew it would be around May. However, I was only waiting for a little less than 4 months, and I knew for sure it was happening. I mean, I’m insecure sometimes, so I had like superficial doubts, but yeah. My FI and I talked about it, went ring shopping, etc. He never got upset when I got excited for the upcoming proposal and wedding; he was excited too.

You’re talking about possibly getting engaged seven months from now. That just seems so precarious to me, especially if he doesn’t want to talk about it with you.

I know it’s hard, but you definitely need to keep this under wraps. If you want to share the excitement with your firends, you can just say that it’s getting serious and you think this is it, and you can get excited together about that.

Post # 7
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee

 

weatherbee :  you say get the ring “yet”. So you guys are planning a ring, or no? 

Post # 8
Member
2244 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Is there a reason you can’t get a ring at the same time? 

Post # 10
Member
557 posts
Busy bee

RobbieAndJuliahaha :  What culture is this? What set of parents don’t want to meet their child’s future mate? I’d wait til I had a chunk of carbon on my finger. This seems fishy to me.

Post # 11
Member
2244 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

merrymargaret :  I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick as usual

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