- 3 years ago
so I’m new here – hey everyone! I’ve been lurking for quite a while, and this has been a hard week, so I figured I would make an account and ask for a little advice/support.
I love my BF. Really, I do. We’ve been together for over 2 years, and he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a man – except that he doesn’t have a job. And he hasn’t the whole time we’ve been together. Yeah, he literally lost his job the day that we first met. There are other issues surrounding why he doesn’t have another job yet, but it is getting to the point where I just want to shake him and ask him what the heck his problem is. To be fair to him, he has tried and has even had some interviews, but he really struggles with anxiety, panic attacks, etc, and not getting the jobs he interviewed for before was really hard on him.
My friends and family are split on whether I should stay with him. I’ve decided that I’m going to stay with him until I decide can’t take it anymore and not let other people tell me what to do, but this week was really tough. Why? Because his lack of job justifies his lack of commitment. He wouldn’t move in with me, won’t even leave clothes at my place, and I only see him on weekends despite the fact that I work from home and he’s unemployed. he “needs space during the week to figure himself out” or something. Which, if it resulted in a job and/or commitment, would be fine. But it hasn’t.
This won’t go on forever. We almost broke up right before Christmas because he decided that he couldn’t give me what I wanted fast enough (I think he thought that my addiction to wedding-themed TV shows meant that I wanted a ring NOW). I told him that I should be the judge of that, and if he wanted to break up with me and didn’t love me, that would be a reason to break up. But he does love me and wants to be with me – he just says that he isn’t sure yet if he wants to marry me. He said that he wants to check back in January 2014 and if he isn’t sure he wants to marry me at that point, then we will move on.
So it’s a lot of uncertainty, and even though there’s a deadline, it just makes me so nervous all the time. I crave stability and am a type A control freak, so it’s really hard for me to just sit here and wait for him to make up his mind when I’m clearly all in. I am SO HAPPY when we’re spending time together, but so sad when I see friends moving in together or getting engaged or married. I want us to have that, and it would be one thing if I knew that it was coming the future, but I just can’t be sure. This week has been particularly hard because he just turned 30, and I guess I thought that might give him the kick in the pants he needed. But it doesn’t seem to have.
Blah, typing it out and reading it makes me realize how crappy the situation seems on paper. But he really is a great guy (worth waiting for, I think), and I know he really loves me. It’s just hard to remember that when I’m trying to get him to commit and he’s balking.
Okay, there is a lot more I could say, but this post is already SUPER long (and thanks for reading if you got this far). I guess I’m just looking for encouragement and advice. I don’t really have a specific question, just a sort-of “HELP!” feeling.