Boyfriends female friend jumped on him

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
801 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I think you need to ask him what this is about, if she’s always like this or not. This would bother me big time 

Post # 3
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Perosnally, I wouldn’t care. I’m pretty secure in my relationship and trust my DH around his friends… and she has a bf? 

But since it bothers you, I’d just be honest and bring it up. “Woah Jane seemed a bit full on, is she always that way?”. The end. 

Post # 4
Member
10384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Ask him if this is her personality with everyone. I know many people this affectionate with friends….

Post # 5
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t like it. She’s breaking some major girl code right there. 

Post # 7
Member
584 posts
Busy bee

that would annoy me.. It’s not really your boyfriend doing it, so i wouldn’t necessarily be mad unless he’s encouraging it. But i’d probably say something jokingly like ‘is she always so friendly?’ I think it’s most likely more of an attention/possessiveness kind of thing? Are john and jane a couple?

My best friend is a guy (he’s even in my bridal party) and i would NEVER dream of doing that. Particularly not in front of someone new that he’s dating because i want him to be happy in his relationships – not be unneccessarily threatening or make the new gf worry about my friendship with him. I’d give him a giant hug, but that all sounds way too dramatic and intimate..

I wouldn’t worry about it specifically, having an annoying female friend isn’t a threat to your relationship necessarily. Just see how she acts the next few times you hang out and how your boyfriend reacts. She could just be being childish. 

Post # 8
Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee

NeedAdviceQuickly :  If it were me, I would have asked same day. Knowing my husband I would know nothing was up. But I have no problem stating when something bothers me. That would weird me out too. Just curious, how did everyone react? Was it like a regular occurance to everyone? Or did she get side eye? 

Post # 9
Member
1027 posts
Bumble bee

Whyyyyyyy did he not politely extricate himself and say “Whoa there, I’m a taken man, haha! By the way, this is my girlfriend, x.” (Why didn’t he introduce you to her, btw?) He could have played it off in a low-key, humorous way and still communicated a boundary. Sounds like he didn’t (and also let her nuzzle up to him AGAIN, which is just disrespectful).

You should talk to him and see what the deal is. Sounds like there is backstory that you have not been privy to.

Edit: Um, he told her he missed and loved her too? In front of you? Dump him. Even if they’re “just friends”, they are not just friends enough for him to be a good boyfriend to you. Boy bye! 

Post # 12
Member
6365 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

My husband’s best friend (who is female) did the same thing last time we saw her – of course we moved away right after the wedding and hadn’t seen her in 6 months so I kind of expected it. Some people are just huggers. I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s probably how she is with a lot of people.

But if it’s bugging you then ask your boyfriend about it. Just say it’s been weighing on your mind and you have to ask what her over the top greeting and goodbye was about.

Post # 13
Member
1027 posts
Bumble bee

NeedAdviceQuickly :  See my above response to your last update. You deserve better!

Many people will probably say I’m overreacting, but I have been in this exact situation before personally and found that where there was smoke, there was fire. I gave my ex the benefit of the doubt that everything with his lady friend was actually platonic, and I found myself cheated on. That may not be your experience, but I wish I had listened to my own internal discomfort and the signals my ex was sending when he was overly familiar with her and did not set boundaries that respected our relationship.

Post # 14
Member
4752 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

Wouldn’t bother me but if it bothers you then speak up.

Post # 15
Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee

NeedAdviceQuickly :  OK the nuzzling thing bugs me more than the hug. Just keep it cool when you talk about it. I had an ex with a friend like this and it basically destroyed our relationship because he put her first and I’m vocal as hell. So be sure he gives her boundaries and respects your comfort level. If he does that you’re golden. My ex did not and it spiraled from there. I mean there were other issues too don’t get me wrong, a hug wasn’t it. 

Just takes some advice from me, be sure you don’t get accusatory in your tone. But he needs to respect your comfort level too. And some people are huggers. I know I am not one and I always greet people based on how I know them and their comfort level. 

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