Boyfriend's neighbor

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think that talking to her may humiliate her, particularly if she isn’t speaking about him. I think you certainly need to start making boundaries with her. 

When she comes to the door you can just kindly tell you that you are busy right now and cannot talk or really just don’t answer the door at all. 

You need to make it clear that even though he feels sorry for her that he needs to be careful because he may be sending her mixed messages with how much attention he is giving her.

Post # 5
Member
2613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Kacey23:  I think its not a good idea for an adult male to spend time alone in his apartment with an underage girl.  He should avoid even the slightest hint of impropriety. 

If he wants to be her friend, okay – but allowing her into his apartment when no one else is around? Very dangerous.  So yes, set some boundaries – the first of which should be that he does not socialize with her alone. 

Post # 6
Member
809 posts
Busy bee

How old are you and your boyfriend?  I ask because, if he’s over 18, he may want to bring it up with her parents.  I understand that he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings but if she’s growing feelings for your boyfriend you need to end that asap… it’s innappropriate and could look really, really bad.

Post # 7
Member
45245 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Kacey23:  Your boyfriend is leaving himself open to all sorts of troubles. She may just be a nice lonely girl. But, she could also accuse him of inproprieties should she be a little unbalanced or should she feel he does not return the feelings she has for him.

A grown man should not be spending time alone with a 17 yr old- period. I suggest that he needs to set firm boundaries that he is not with her unless you are present.

Post # 8
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Kacey23:  it isn’t appropriate for an adult male to be home alone with a 17 year old girl.  tell her that and she will get it.  and if not talk to her mom. 

Post # 9
Member
7139 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

If you are not home she should not be crossing your threshold. Your boyfriend should be careful.

Post # 10
Member
4442 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Kacey23: No, you should not talk to HER.  You should talk to her mother, she is 17 years old and your boyfriend should never be alone with her.

Post # 12
Member
4442 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Kacey23:  Really?! You feel awkward talking to the mom?  How are you going to feel when your boyfriend is on trial for Criminal Sexual Conduct because this deranged 17 year old made up some story about the two of them?!

 

Post # 13
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@Kacey23:  I think hanging out at his apartment needs to stop. If he wants to befriend her, then the three of you can pick appropriate activities like seeing a $5 movie, going to the local high school sporting events, or getting smoothies. 

She is 17 and not an adult so having adull friends should have very strict boundaries. 

Post # 14
Member
2575 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I echo the PPs in that you should talk to her mom. If the mom doesn’t get it/blames you and your bf, then for both your and your bf’s sake, you’ll need to cut off contact with the 17 year old completely. If the mom is understanding, then I would still limit hanging out with this person to maybe a common area – do you have a courtyard or something similar?

Post # 15
Member
12262 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Definitely boundary time. When I was 17, I was desperately trying to have sex with one of my teachers (He was SO dreamy…). Luckily, he set firm boundaries for what was acceptable and what wasn’t.

And eventually I graduated. And moved on.

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