(Closed) Boyfriend's sister in law question.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2032 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@wdb13:  In-Laws are never fun, and women can be awful people.  Sadly, you’re likely stuck with this woman for the rest of your life if you and your BF decide to get married…so it’s best to make the most of it.  Be nice to her, smile and always be polite.  When you get home, have a glass of wine and tell your girlfriends how awful she is.  And then, if the family ever witnesses her bad behavior, they’ll think ‘Why is she acting this way?  WDB is such a sweet girl’.  

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

she sounds jealous and insecure – stop being so nice to her and keep it polite and friendly but no emotional expectations.  once you stop being her doormat she might straighten up her attitude

Post # 6
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It sounds like you are having a hard time with this matter, but really want to make things work for you BF, which is great. I second MerryWidow’s advice. I have been going through this matter for about 3 years and I fight it just like MerryWidow says. At first I didn’t… I would walk into family gatherings with an attitude and face towards FSIL (Fiance Sister in Law), however, FM (fiance mother) would always go to him and pretty much defend FSIL. The problem originally began with FSIL talking about my previous relationship of 5 years to my FM, how was she a credible source who knows, I never talkd to the girl how would she know anything about that is beyond me. So here is how it has gone down for three years…when we annouced our relationship they got engaged (mind you they had been dating for over 10 years and felt that it was necessary to do it then), when we annouced our engagement they announced their wedding date (mind you they were engaged for a year before they decided that they wanted to get married in two months), when we annouced our wedding date they annouced they were having a baby. So for every one of our kodak moments has been overtaken by one of their kodak moments. It hurts and honestly I have probably cried about this one too many (shhh no one knows I cry, lol). the only tool that has worked against her is being nice, because her actions and decisions are triggered by anger and hatred. Let her do what she wants to do, keep a happy and open heart and with little effort things will work towards your favor. Sorry for rambling.  

Post # 7
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@eloping:  agreed!

I’m the world’s worst about being a doormat so I understand.  Don’t be mean to her, but don’t try anymore to create a friendship or to be extra nice.  Acknowledge her when she acknowledges you and leave it at that.

Post # 8
Member
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I had/have a similar situation, ILs who know next to nothing about me or what me and my FI’s relationship is like (we only see them on holidays) running their mouths. I had high hopes about being friends with these people but I had to accept that would never happen, for whatever reason they don’t like me so I’m not going to waste my time and you shouldn’t waste yours, either. Just be cordial and go on your way.

(@msccr29: GAH! I want to scream for you. I have to give it to you for being the bigger person and not giving her the satisfaction of letting her know how much it hurt you. Shame on her and hers!)

Post # 9
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@wdb13:  This chick sounds like an asshole!  Most important thing to know is you can not control other people’s behavior, you can only control how to respond to them.  And you need to respond to her however works best for you.  If being cordial and swallowing your pride works, go for it.  It you’d rather be snarky right back at her, go for it.  For me, I work somewhere in the middle.  I like using sarcasm to shut people down, but laugh it off like it’s a joke between old friends.  And I sleep good at night, that’s all that matters.  Bottom line, you need to address this the best way for you, and whichever way eliminates the stress it gives you. 

Honestly, it sounds like insecurity that’s manifesting in bitchiness.  Tell yourself that, and know you shouldn’t beat yourself up over her problems.  Good luck.

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