Post # 1
Not engaged (but I love this board!) but basically, my boyfriend and I have been together around 4 years and live together. We met when we were very young (I guess we’re still pretty young now!)
Back when we first met I dressed a bit frumpy- I would show cleavage but I would wear out-of-date light wash jeans that sagged and looked stupid, as well as the dreaded Ugg boots. My boyfriend is very opinionated so when I asked him about my clothing style he was honest and told me I should flaunt my body more.
Cut to 2 years after that- I basically showed everything. I had started working out so I was happier with my body and I was always showing cleavage, leg, and everything was tight. For the most part my BF loved it.
Now it’s been 4 years…he hates all that stuff. He doesn’t try to control what I wear but I normally ask his opinion because I find it interesting. The other day he went nuts over a floor-length, no-cleavage dress that actually belongs to my MOM. He’s still very young (mid-20s) so I’m surprised his taste is getting so mature. In fact, I once “jokingly” put on a loose button-down shirt to wear to a party, and he didn’t get why it was funny. In fact, he liked how it looked. He used to love showing me off and actually enjyoed when I got checked out, but now he seems bothered when other men look at me, and wants me to cover up.
Any ideas for why his taste has changed so dramatically? He still likes some cleavage and tight clothes but for the most part has gotten a lot more conservative. I once tried to wear high heels with lingerie around the house (ALONE) and he actually said he preferred me barefoot because the heels looked too tacky. Once again, I always ask his opinion so none of this bothers me but I do find it perplexing!
Post # 3
It’s definitely not his place to control what you wear. Unless you are wearing wildly inappropriate things (think nicki minaj) just wear what you like. It sounds like he is jealous of the attention you get, which makes it his insecurity problem, not yours. Are you also in your 20’s? I’m all for dressing your age, but I don’t think you should feel like you have to wear things that are “older” for you and that don’t flatter your body.
Post # 4
I think it’s getting older.
In college I used to dress to impress: cleavage, show off some leg, and kept it tight.
Now that I’m a professional, I am far more “mature” with my clothing decisions. I don’t sport cleavage or wear anything skin tight anymore. I tend to go for things that are cut right for my body and don’t flash skin.
My fiance would probably prefer me to show a little more cleavage, but my job has completely taken over my wardrobe.
Post # 5
@hollyberry4: Wow, way off.
OP, it sounds like he’s getting older and his tastes are changing. Your taste in clothing changed, didn’t it?
Post # 6
I think you should ask him.
Post # 7
Do you pick out his clothes?
Post # 8
I think as men get older and more mature, they start looking for wife material
when he was younger he was probably fine with you dressing scantily because he just enjoyed having a hot girlfriend an showing you off
now that he’s starting to think more seriously about a future, he probably thinks differently about his wife’s goodies being out vs a girlfriend.
most men don’t like to think about the future mother of their children chasing a two year old in a mini skirt, tube too, and stilettos.
not saying there aren’t ANY men out there like that or that its wrong, just guessing where your particular SO’s head is at
Post # 9
many people are initially attracted to the sexier side of their mate, but as love grows, what is sexy or attractive in their eye softens a bit, and it’s less about the 4-inch stilettos and more about you as a person. It’s something of a de-objectifying process, and normal. I’d say that his tastes are changing, likely just due to getting a bit older, but also because he loves the “natural” or “comfortable” you even more.
Post # 10
@EffieTrinket: If he asks my opinion (and I always ask him) then yes I do. In fact sometimes I’ll just lay something out for him because he can’t decide. So yeah, it’s even handed lol
Post # 11
I know where you’re coming from and I’ve been there too. My SO used to love it when I would dress up and look sexy – he liked showing me off. But a year and a half later, he has kindly suggested that I wear more “professional” outfits. He used to go nuts over skirts and heels, and now he prefers jeans and a cardigan.
I think a lot of it has to do with growing up and maturing. (This is hard to phrase right without sounding like I’m objectifying myself or implying that he contols what I do/wear. That’s not the case at all and I wasn’t offended when he said he liked more mature styles on me.) I just think he had his fun with the “look how hot my girlfriend is” phase and now he’s moving on and getting more serious. Guys want what other guys want and they like other males approval that they picked a good one. Now he’s had enough approval and doesn’t need/want other guys checking out his lady. I wouldn’t take offense to it.
Post # 12
@anon00: If FI tried to tell me what he wanted me to wear, I’d mock him and wear what I wanted anyway. I guess whatever works for you guys, as long as it’s mutual.
Post # 13
@vorpalette: Sorry if i’m “way off”. I used to be in a relationship where my ex was super controlling about what I wore. It drove me nuts and really messed with my self-esteem.
I saw some similarities in OP’s post, and it got me a little on the defensive. I don’t think there’s anything with having your tastes in your SO’s wardrobe “mature”, I just don’t think it should be dictated. If I am way off base and that is not at all what is happening, then that’s fine.
I always think a woman should be able to wear what she likes and feels sexy in, as long as it’s not overly inappropriate.
Post # 14
@hollyberry4: I was in that relationship, too, but her post doesn’t come off at all that way. He isn’t telling her that she can or can’t wear something, he’s telling her what he likes.
Post # 15
@vorpalette: Exactly. I am notoriously indecisive so I ask his opinion on everything. before I dated him, I did that with my mom and friends! I’m not bothered by his change in taste, I just find it interesting.
Post # 16
I think it’s normal for your taste in clothes to change over time, hopefully he’s ok with you wearing what you’d prefer to though.