(Closed) Boys and their toys! (slightly dumb, whiny rant)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Just to play devil’s advocate.. and I hope it isn’t this. . . but there is another option:

D) He only gave that reason as an excuse to get out of giving a firm answer now (or ever).

I suggest you bring it up with him in a non-confrontational setting.  “I’m glad to hear you’re budgetting for the truck, but a while ago you said that you didn’t want to propose because you wanted to save for the ring.  Is that still how you feel?  Will buying X, Y, and Z cause us to get engaged later?”

That would annoy the pants off of me.

Post # 4
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee

Oooh yeah. Well mine has talked about getting a motorcycle or a bigger tv (no need for either) I don’t know what to tell you other than talk to him! If it bothers you (I would question his commitment as to wether it was a sincere promise or just something to shut you up but thats me I dont know him) Just rememeber we always find money for the things we really want. 

good luck! 

Post # 5
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

YUP! I know exactly how you feel… My SO is in love with his car.  Not into sports, but LOVES his car.  So everytime he’d buy something new for his car I’d think, “Great there goes the proposal.” Especially when he’d say things like, “Proposals are expensive.”  Even though you’d be completely happy with a smaller ring, a non-diamond ring, or even NO ring just so as long as they’d ask you.  I’ve had friends that have gone through it too. 

Maybe he’s trying to throw you off?  It sucks when they don’t tell you anything.  My SO finally has been saving the last couple months, I can tell he’s really buckled down with his budgeting.  I completely understand!!  Just a warning though, bringing up how he spends his money may or may not go well… It depends on how much you communicate together with your finances.  Don’t worry there are many here that understand!

Post # 6
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

IMO I agree with the other bees…. you guys should have a convo, but start maybe by asking him that you noticed hes saving up for a few things and you were “curious” if that would impact him saving up for a ring, then ask how much he thinks the ring should cost. Sometimes the save up thing has alot to do with a price and a guy thinking that you expect an expensive ring i.e. the debeers 3 month salary thing.

 It could also be him dodging IDK but either way his answer to the questions should tell you which it is. While I agree that the guy should take certain initiatives in this process I feel the engagement decision should involve both people and asking a question shouldn’t equal being needy or desperate about things. With these actions and behaviors I think a question is fair.

Post # 7
Member
395 posts
Helper bee

I completely understand how you feel! My BF keeps talking about wanting to buy another car and I keep thinking yah but you could put the money towards the ring. It’s so frustrating.

Post # 8
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Ughh, boys sometimes! I agree with PPs that this deserves a conversation, otherwise you’ll drive yourself crazy. I think it’s fair to know where his priorities are, and what he’s really saving for. It wouldn’t ruin any surprise to tell you wether he’s in the process of saving, has the money saved, or the ring isn’t in his budgetting process at all (which requires a whole different kind of convo). You deserve to know how seriously he is about taking the next step.

Sorry you’re having such a frustrating time though, that would drive me nuts! Internal tantrum!

Post # 9
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ladies, just be honest and speak up!

50 years ago, guys would be saving/ actively planning an engagement if they wanted to go to the next step in life.

Today, guys typically get all the goodies in the jar before commitment and its a free for all. There are no social codes. Women proprose to men and some people don’t ever feel the need to be married, and are perfectly content to be life partners or suitemates for life.

If marriage is important to you and you are watching your SO be completely oblivious, just step up the communication! Once he knows your desires and you know his intentions, you can make decisions based on progress or lack of progress. 

 

Post # 10
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

I was in this situation. I told SO that if he brought home anything extravagent (expensive) before he bought my ring he would be in big trouble. He got the picture after that. 

 

Post # 11
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would definitely have a conversation with him. Pick a moment when you are both relaxing and conversation is naturally flowing. Comment on how nice the speakers are and then ask him if he has any savings left or if he spent all of it on the car stuff. If he says that there is money still, then he probably is saving and wanted something nice for himself. If not, I would remind him about how he said he was saving for a ring and see what he says. I truly hope he wasn’t telling you he was saving jsut to have you stop talking about engagement. Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I feel ya!  We have TWO large TVs (we don’t even use the one in the basement!!) our living room TV is 52 inches…umm unneccessary.  Also I’m pretty sure my SO goes to on average about 2 concerts per month.  Some even out of state.  WTH!  He probably could’ve bought at least TWO rings with the money he has spent on concerts this year alone!  DAH!  Good luck though…I bet if he’s been saving for his toys he has also been saving for a ring…just sayin 🙂

Post # 13
Member
384 posts
Helper bee

I’m with ya –  mine isn’t “ready for marriage” yet.  And I know that.  He has a “fear” of marriage due to his past one being such a disaster (totally not his fault).  He treats me very well and we are happy and I’m trying to be patient.  But, he has made some large purchases lately, totaling about $4,500 which just reiterates tome that he’s not ready for a commitment of marriage.

Why I’m so dumb and stupid and keep being patient, I’m beginning to wonder. 

Post # 14
Member
2731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Girlfriend, I completely feel you! I get like that whenever my boyfriend talks about wanting to make big purchases too. I’ve posted this here once before, but a few months ago my boyfriend bought a computer that cost more than the engagement ring I want, and that was soooo difficult to bite my tongue about. But, you really should bring it up to him. He might not even realize that you’re feeling this way.

 

Good luck 🙂

Post # 16
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well, let us know how it goes.  I hope that he’s being smart for himself and already has the ring picked out, but I know wondering about it (and seething) won’t put your mind to rest. Glad to hear you’re going to open a dialogue on this.  After all, it’s not just a ring- it’s your future together!

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