Post # 1
I was just in another thread and it made me think of this question. Let’s say a woman has sons from a previous relationship or even prior to marrying the father. She marries and hyphenates her name. Should she change her sons last names to the new husband’s name? Should she hyphenate the sons’s names. Is it unusual for a boy to have two last names? I cannot think of any men who have two last names that I know personally… Does it matter if the sons’ father has no relationship with the boys? Please, let me know what you think!
Post # 3
I only know of a couple situations when the mom married someone different than the kid’s father (who had no involvement). In the two cases I know, the fathers legally adopted the boys and they changed their name at that point. I know of an additional case where the mom remarried later in life and the adult sons naturally didn’t change their names. DH’s mom married 4 times during his childhood, but he kept the last name of his father (who was very active in his life).
I don’t know any hyphenated ones though!
Post # 4
@bebelicious1: I think this is really case by case and depends on the age of the child. And why the kids names were not the fathers to begin wih.
Post # 5
My DH’s nephew is not his nephew by blood, he is a nephew by marriage. SIL had a child previous to marrying BIL. Nephews last name is SIL maiden name, since she was unwed when she had him and not with the father anymore. They kept his last name her maiden name when they married, SIL took BIL last name.
Post # 6
I think it depends, somewhat, on how old the sons are, who they identify as their father-figure (they may still identify with the uninvolved father), and their preferences. If they’re so young they may not know any difference, and the previous son’s father is not at all involved, I would think seriously about trying to have them adopted so that everyone has the same name.
Post # 7
I know two men who have hyphenated last names.
I only would change the children’s last names if the new husband adopts the children. I personally am not in favor of parents hyphenating children’s last names, because it makes life more complex for the children, especially the daughters, who may one day end up with three last names if THEY also choose to hyphenate their names when THEY get married.
Although this isn’t a factor directly for the sons themselves, it could be a factor for their future wives if any of them want to hyphenate their names after marriage.
Post # 8
I voted to keep the kid’s names the same. However, that is assuming that their biological father is still in the picture. If that’s not the case my answer may be different, and it would also depend on the child’s age.
Post # 9
I would leave the kids’ names the same, unless they specifically wanted to change.
My son’s last name is hyphenated. His dad and I have different last names, so we gave him both of ours. The only person to comment so far has been my mother, who likes to make p/a “joking” comments about how his name won’t fit on his jersey if he plays sports.
Post # 10
MrMojito’s mom married his step-dad when he and his brothers were really little. The step-dad adopted them and they all took his last name. Their bio-dad was not in their lives at all, so the step-dad is their only father. It makes sense in that case, but I don’t think it would in all cases.
Post # 11
I think if the kid is old enough to know what it’s own name is then it should probably be left alone unless they specifically asked to change it. My father died when I was 7 and my mother never remarried but if she had I would have been seriously displeased if she had tried to change my name without consulting me.
Post # 12
When my Nan was pregnant with my dad (we’re talking late 1959, cause dad was on in 1960), his biological father was absolutely terrible to Nana. So when dad was born Nana gave him her maiden name instead of bio dads surname. After Nana and Pop has been dating for a while (dad would have been 6 I think) and they decided to get married, Pop adopted dad and dad’s name was changed to Pop’s surname.
I think it’s a case by case situation personally.
Post # 13
My FI has a hyphenated last name to represent both his mothers maiden name and fathers name. They were married but still chose to go that route. I don’t think it is unusual. Especially because my FI ususally goes by his fathers last name unless it is for legal matters and such.
Post # 14
Thanks for your comments! I have had 4 different last names at this point! When I was born I was stuck with my mom’s last name at the time, which belonged to her ex-husband. She changed it to my bio father’s name. We did not have a real relationship. I had only seen him a few times when I was young, and once a year or so before he passed on. When he passed I was in high school. My mother changed my name to my step dad (who I consider my only dad). I was upset because I had spent many years with a different name! This was one of many things my insane mother did to me. I don’t speak to her now, which is no surprise. Anyway, I later fell in love with my name. I changed it for marriage and changed it back through divorce. I have a cute old hollywood name in my opinion, haha! This is why I am confused… My son has my name. But if I get married and change it, he will also have a cute old hollywood name! But, I plan on hyphenating, because my dad was the sweetest man in the world (he has passed also) and I want my son to know all about that. My dad helped me take care of him for the first year or so of his life (his bio father was not and has not been involved). I kind of feel like keeping his name is my way of honoring him, because I don’t have any other means to do so. I only worry sometimes that my son will feel like he is different if I have more children, who will have my FH name. After reading these comments, I will let him keep my dad’s name or add my FH name onto ours. I will just teach him that he is not different, he is special! Thanks again!
Post # 15
@bebelicious1: I would give the kids the mother’s last name only. I don’t like hyphens (but that’s just me). My parents divorced at 12 and at 15 my sister and I legally changed our last names to our mom’s. Best decision I ever made.
Post # 16
@bebelicious1: Hmmm. I personally wouldn’t change a kid’s last name unless they were too young to know or asked for it themselves (i.e. they bonded with their stepfather and wanted to be known by his last name). I’m Mexican-American and it’s pretty common for boys to have both their mother’s and father’s last names in our culture.