BPD/bipolar bride – worried about how I will be on the wedding day

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If this was diabetes you didn’t have under control would you really take the risk?


It sounds like you’re not quite healthy right now and your FI has reservations.

Post # 3
851 posts
Busy bee

If your FI is too overwhelmed, or you’re really concerned about how things will go you may want to consider postponing the wedding (at least for a little while). I would also remind your FI that you’re still the same person. Your diagnosis hasn’t changed you, it’s just that now you have a better idea of how to get and stay healthy. A diagnosis is a good thing, especially when you’re actively persuing treatment, which it sounds like you are!

Other than that, my suggestion would be to do some serious mood monitoring. I don’t know how helpful this will be for your conditions, but I find that it does wonders for understanding and managing my anxiety and depression. During the day (I started at three times a day, but have moved down to once a day) take stock of how you feel (sad, tired, stressed out, happy, elated, etc). This will help you find patterns in your swings (for example, I know that I get worse at certain times of day and during certain months). If you discover that there’s a time when you commonly have episodes you can be prepared to manage them. Figure out what triggers your episodes and what is most difficult for you.  It may be possible to aviod or minimize these things during your wedding day. If you catch yourself going into a swing take a moment to try and think about what is causing you to feel that way. I would also talk to your therapist (if you haven’t already) about developing some coping skills that you can begin to practice so you will be prepared with a plan if things begin to go awry.


I would also suggest setting some time aside during your wedding day (even if it’s just 10 minutes) to be alone somewhere quiet and unstressful so that you can have some time to evaluate your mood and just be calm. It may also help you to have a “spotter” or someone who can watch out for you during the wedding and remove you from a situation if they (or you) sense that things are about to go poorly.

Post # 4
1314 posts
Bumble bee

OP–I’m bi polar but not BPD, and I want to assure you that ith the proper meds you will be FINE.  I haven’t had an episode in 10 years.  It is imperative that you find a reputable doctor who specializes in your condition {please note I didn’t say PROBLEM}.  She/he will be able to properly prescribe the correct medicine.

Now, can I give you a few hints I have found over the years to help my stability?  NO RECREATIONAL DRUGS, minimal alcohol and getting a good nights sleep EVERY night. ANd I need to have my surroundings orderly and uncluttered, I find cluttered surroundings aren’t good for my mental health.

Good luck.  I’m sure this condition will not hinder you once you get it undercontrol.

Post # 5
7 posts

I dont necessarily have the best advise for you.  But coming from a family that has a sister with BPD and Biopolar as well as a mother with severe depression, I really must say I admire how aware you are of the situation and the help you are seeking.  That to me shows me your strength.  It may not feel like you are strong, but everything I just read shows me you are stronger than you think you are.  Look at one thing at a time, dont overwhelm yourself with too many what ifs, trust what you feel you are comfortable with.  If you arent ready, there is no shame in that.  Good luck!

Post # 8
1314 posts
Bumble bee

laceydoilies:  I alo take Seroquel at night to help with sleeping.  You may find you gain a little weight with this drug, at least that’s MY excuse! :){no really, my dr told me it could account for 5 lbs. or so.

Post # 9
282 posts
Helper bee

Two pieces of advice 🙂

The first is not wedding related. I highly reccomend getting your thyroid function checked regularly. I was on a nice cocktail of moodstabilizers  because I was suffering extreme anxiety when I was dealing with my mother’s terninal cancer and her passing. I stopped needing the medication after some time but was then diagnosed as being hypothyroid. Since it doesn’t run in my family my endocrinologist suggested that my thyroid was damaged from side effects of the mood stabilizers. Apparently lithium is known to decrease thyroid function. Ironically, the symptoms of hypothyroidism can mimic mood disorders too. 


Anddddd for the wedding. As previously stayed I found that my symptoms were always induced by stress. Try your best to be proactive about reducing stress. Stay organized, plan and work things out well in advanced  I recommend designating someone you trust to manage the whole day for you, so they can make decisions when things go wrong and never have to present you with any problems. The less issues you know about the less you have to stress or get angry over. Also take care of yourself, sleep well, eat right, drink lots of water, avoid drugs alcohol caffeine etc. 


Good luck 🙂

Post # 10
1499 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have BPD and was in therapy for a couple years by the time I got married. Significant others can often struggle to understand diagnoses because they have this picture in their mind of how you should be. My ex told me after we broke up that if he’d known I had BPD he wouldn’t have dated me…keep in mind I broke up with him because we didn’t want the same things and we had a lot of happy times in our relationship, but suddenly he wouldn’t have gone through it because I had this diagnosis. 

I would definitely go to couples counseling with him or have him just talk to a therapist and learn about what it all means from a reputable source. He needs to wrap his head around how the diagnosis does and doesn’t change things and where your relationship goes from here. He need to hear it’s okay. 

As as for the wedding, staying busy keeps my mind occupied enough that I don’t have as many mood swings. I zoned out quite a bit, but got through fine. I think the biggest thing is not getting stressed if things don’t go as planned. Have someone in charge of making sure things go smoothly and if they don’t, just take a minute to yourself so you don’t feed the stress. Make lists so you have everything written out and not flying around your head stressing you out. Honestly, I didn’t even invite people to the ceremony because I didn’t want that pressure. We just had a small dinner with family and close friends. We’ve gone through a separarion and may renew our vows and I honestly don’t think I will do that in front of everyone either. I would dissociate like no other. And honestly, if you do, that’s okay. I love looking at wedding pictures of us and focusing on how normal I look when I know I was out of it, just overwhelmed. 

It will be okay. 


Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors