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Is anyone here going to be the primary breadwinner for the family? Or will anyone else have a career where you will earn a significant amount more than your husband? How does that affect you and the decisions you make?
I will be the only one with a full time job when we get married! FI and I are both finishing up college right now, and I will graduate/start working about a month before we get married. He will still have about another year before he graduates and starts working full time.
For us, it's not much of an issue - we've discussed it and we both agree that someday when we have kids it would be really nice if I could stay home with them. So I'll be the primary breadwinner for a while, but later he'll return the favor. 
I think everything is still up in the air when you are still in school as opposed to knee deep in your career. That is great that you are going to support him as he finished school.
I'm the breadwinner, but not by a huge degree. Still, more than him. He is gearing up for a possibly HUGE promotion, which would make his salary leapfrog over mine. I'm all for it!!! The more money, the better!
i make more than he does but he is more asset rich than i am so he plans on retiring in the next 5 years (hes 38yrs old)
we have seperate bank acounts as well
his salary pays the household stuff like bills, groceries & investments (we dont have a mortgage because of him making some smart decisions when he was younger) and my salary pays the toys, trips, big purchases (ie plasma or cars) ect
its not an issue - we talk about upcoming plans/budgets and where we want to be at certain times of the year/future. i think its important not to have a his or my attitude - for us, we have an 'its ours' attitude.
oh, but i will say even he doesnt know how much i really make - hes never asked but he has a ballpark idea :)
I definitely make more money than my husband, and I did even before he went back to school part-time and his office got furloughed. It doesn't really affect most decisions that we make together. I found out today that my office is about to have a round of layoffs, followed by likely furloughs. And that makes me very nervous--I feel like a lot of it is going to fall on my shoulders.
I'm finishing up a gradaute degree and I'll be the breadwinner (by far) when I'm done. My fiance says that he doesn't care about those things, but I really wonder if it makes him insecure sometimes.
I already feel so much pressure to get a really good job when I'm done because I know that we have a lot of bills and expenses and I'll have to be the one to take care of them. We talked about living off of my salary for a year and then using his money to pay off our student loans or to go directly into some kind of savings. But I don't know how things are go after that.
I'd be really interested to see what other people say since I'm not actually in the situation yet! :o)
I make quite a bit more than my guy. Our base salaries are almost exactly the same, but his bonuses are anywhere from 0-10% (closer to 0 lately bc he works in the financial field). My bonuses are anywhere from 10-150% of my salary (I'm a laywer so I get a bonus for cases I win). This year I made almost double what my guy made, but in other years it might be closer to equal.
We've talked about it and he says he's totally fine with me making more... I have an advanced degree so it kind of makes sense. Plus he's all about as much money as possible. :) The only issue I've seen so far is when we talk about the wedding/buying a house. He will have no savings once he buys my ring, whereas I have enough for a downpayment on the house alone. So basically, I will probably pay the majority of the downpayment on our house and for the wedding by myself. He has made comments about how he's really disapointed at all the money he's wasted on "toys" over the years and he wishes that he would have gotten serious about saving earlier because he feels badly that he won't have much to contribute to these things. I really couldn't care less. I feel like my money is his money and vice versa. Plus, we were together for half of law school so I feel like his emotional support really helped get me through and get me to the job I have now. :)
In terms of the future, I don't think I'll have any more pull on decisions just because I make more. But I also think that we'll both discuss ALL major purchases. I am more frugal by nature than he is, but he says now that he respects the way I handle money vs spending it all the time like he always did before we met (and the first year or so we were together).
Also, he loves his job and I do not. I am hoping to either retire early, or to switch careers at some point (to something that would prob make a lot less). He is totally cool with that and he wants to work forever... so it might actually even out in the end!
I am currently the breadwinner for our household. My FI left his job this summer to move cross country with me for my new job. He is currently unemployed, but he is looking for a new job now that we have completed the move. We both have careers, and mine necessitated the move. He should be able to get a new job soon, although in this economy it might take more time than we would like. So far this has been a good thing for our relationship. At his old job, FI was totally overworked and always stressed out. The down time that he has while he isn't working has been really good for him. The only major stress for us right now is that we are only living off of 1 income, so we have had to lower our standard of living a bit.
I make quite a bit more money, but it doesn't change anything for us, just affords us a little bit more freedom. We're not sure exactly what will happen in the future-- we'll be moving to the US, and I'm not sure what his job opportunities will be there. We've already talked about hoping that he can stay home with the baby, if we're lucky and get pregnant. My money is his money, and his money is mine!
I make more than FI but not by a longshot - and that will change. While he's at bootcamp/away from me in the military I plan to finish school and there is NO WAY that I'll be making what I make now when that happens... hopefully after I have that degree I'll be making more but one can only hope!
I actually made more than my FH up until about a month ago when he started a new job. He only makes a little more than me now, but I have to admit I liked it better when I was making more. Not because money is an issue between us at all, I just liked feeling like I was taking care of him. He's now telling me I can quit my job and stay home if I'm unhappy at work and it's like the twilight zone - I never thought that would happen and it's really hard to imagine!
right now i make more than FI!! not significantly more though. plus he has investments that pay him dividends that basically even things out. it's never really bothered us, we've always had the "what's mine is yours" policy, we both work hard!! (well, except since i found weddingbee :P )
@moderndaisy-- sounds like a keeper! I wouldn't actually want to not work at this point in my life, but I'd love to feel like I have the option. :)
I make more than FH, but it's only because he owns his own restaurant. If he were anywhere else, he would be making more. I don't foresee ever having the same bank accounts, and it doesn't change us making decisions for our mutual bills. It works out well since we don't have to stress about each other's money.
I'm the head of the household, as we jokingly like to call it on my tax return.
My FI went straight into law school after undergrad and I wanted to get a job and take a much needed break from worrying about homework all the time, so I've been mostly supporting us. I pay the rent, but he contributes to other bills, dinners out, and fun stuff. We feel like it's totally fair given the place we are in our lives and our goals for the future. We never fight about it.
My old-fashioned family on the other hand...eek! We are not on good terms with them, but they get their shots in when they can, with loving statements like "He's just using you to get through law school!" Ugh.
Did I mention we're eloping?
Someday, he can pay me back if I want to go back to school or focus on my writing.
My fiance and I currently make almost exactly the same salary before my bonus (7k - 9k/year). He is working full-time and going to school full-time, so a good chunk of his salary is going to paying tution so we don't need to take out any kind of loan. He will graduate May 2010, and currently has a job offer for close to triple what he makes now. I know we're both excited for him to get the increase so we can move forward with buying a house, and having more fun. I'm ready to be done stressing about money quite so much and have a year or two to have some fun!
It sounds like a lot of you are temporary breadwinners or just have a slightly higher income. Is anyone in a situation where your lifelong career decisions will have you taking on the traditional masculine role of primary income earner or where your husband may end up staying home?
I make more money than my FI. I own a business and work in the medical field. It doesn't bother us at all. A lot of people go with the tradition that the man is suppose to be the bread winner in the family but not these days women have moved way up in the world. As long as you have a man who isn't insecure about that fact then it really shouldn't matter. We share everything and make decisions together on everything. Now later on after he's graduates college and I graduate again for the umpteenth time (lol) then we might be on the same level as far as income. But again it really doesn't matter cuz its our income...not just mines or his.
I make more. Of course I've spent tons more time & money on education (a professional degree and a couple of graduate degrees). We both have government jobs, but even in the private sector, I should make more. Although when he was working in the private sector, I was a way under-paid government worker. I'm still underpaid, but he's even more so now.
Even though we make about the the same if you work it hourly, he only has a PT position right now. So I'm bringing home the bacon for now. Doesn't matter to us, but we have discussed that this will not cut it forever, and it would be nice if when we have children I coulld stay home.
Jocelyn- our situation is significant and probably permanent, which still doesn't change anything for us.
We make almost the same hourly wage, but he works a ton of overtime in the summer, so he makes more than me. Also, his career has a higher earning capacity, so at some point my husband will be making like 3 times what I make.
For about 2-3 years, though, I was the main breadwinner in our house. It didn't matter much to us. All of our money is our money so it all goes into the same bank accounts and pays the same bills. It's not an issue who puts what money in the accounts, as long as we have enough to pay all the bills. :)
I would add that eventually my husband would like to be a stay-at-home dad. Right now we could lose one salary and still be fine, so if that happens, I doubt anything will change for us. Like I said, the most important part is that we have enough money to cover the bills, not who makes that money.
I make slightly more now (professional degree, a couple years out of school vs his grad degree and 8 yrs out, running his own firm) but am likely to earn significantly more in the future. It doesn't change anything for us at all. Since I was a teenager planning out my career path, I always wanted to be able to support my entire household by myself just in case anything happened. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best, right?
The problem as I got older was finding a man who wasn't intimidated by that, and also secure enough to follow his own passions and let me follow mine, regardless of the numbers on our tax return. I am very lucky that my guy is all that I could ask for and supports me 100%. He definitely appreciates the fact that I pull my weight and it takes a lot of pressure off him.
Also, his job allows him the flexibility to stay home with the kids when we have them, which is worth more than anything money could buy. I'm planning to stay home for a couple years too, but my career hiatus will be short-term while his situation is a better situtation for the long term.
We recently lost one salary (my husband's). Even before he lost his job I made a bit more than he did. He is doing well with staying home so far, but he definitely wouldn't be able to do it long term I think. He gets cabin fever. Its the same for me, the few times I have found myself without work I have become very depressed.
We both have basically the same background, education-wise, so I imagine we'll both have the same earning potential throughout our lives. For what its worth, I don't think "bread winner" can be termed a primarily masculine roll anymore. Maybe I'm wrong, but amongst my friends, its definitely not the case that the guy is the big earner all the time, instead its pretty much even.
Mrs. Spring- that's my partner's dream too... With his career it is much more likely that he'll be able to stay home than I will, so that's a step in the right direction. He can work remotely, while I *have* to go in to see sick kids. On the other hand, I'd go stir crazy if I stayed home all the time, so it works out well.
DG- Our husbands could start a stay-at-home dad blog or web community! :) As an engineer, my husband has the option of doing consulting work or just working at home 2-3 days a week with the same company we're at now. With my current job or with my future librarian job, I will never have the option of working at home. It's just not possible. Just like your partner, though, my husband would be a lot better at being at home than I would. I feel a lot more motivated at the office!
I make more than my fiance and will probably do so in the future. It affects us sometimes when it comes to him wanting things that cost more, since I tend to be more frugal. Also, I find myself saving more for our future together and he's unable to put anything aside since we're paying for our wedding.
I am currently the breadwinner, as FH is a full-time student working towards his MBA...After he graduates in May is a whole nother story...And with an MBA from an Ivy League school, he BETTER be making a lot more money than I do!
I don't think it should be a problem regarding who's the primary/higher-earner/traditional masculine role. What's actually important is that the person who stays at home feel good about playing the role of a househusband or housewife. Tension usually arises not because the primary breadwinner feels that his/her partner is not pulling the weight but most likely because the stay-at-home partner feels uncomfortable or has low self-esteen and problems stem from this may manifest. I have to admit that it really takes a special man to feel comfortable and happy being a househusband. I've seen it work and it's great. But it's not for everyone.
I'm currently earning less than my FI but we'll see what happens in a couple yrs. I would love to have a househusband if my future salary are the equivalent to both of our current salaries combined...but that's not happening now. I don't think I would ever want to be housewife given a choice; I have serious self-esteem problems if I were to be jobless.
I make more than Fi, but it was never a problem for us. I bought the house were living in by myself (it was before I met Fi). When he moved to Va to be with me, we split everything in half, but now that were saving for a wedding that were paying ourselves, I pay the mortgage and house bills, while Fi gives me his paychecks for our wedding fund! It works for us and we don't have financial fights (yet!).
With his tax-free military breaks, he actually clears me by about 10K a year. But, when he comes home, he will take at least a 20K a year paycheck for a civilian job, putting me in the "lead". It doesn't really matter in the long run, but I like being able to afford *my* things and he likes to be able to afford *his*. We're both VERY financially independent of each other (we're married and live apart for now, that should say something) and we are set in how we spend our free money. Neither of us plan on taking that away from each other. We do plan on retaining some of that, regardless of how much we make.
Money won't be an issue for us; we just don't care that much. With items like nannies, daycare, new cars, etc, we'll both be funneling enough of our paychecks into them. Honestly, I think I will end up making much more than him in the next 5 years--I'm working on my MBA and my masters while he has his bachelors, which will hopefully propel my engineering career. While we're both engineers, it's just a common fact that my kind of engineering pays a lot better than his. He's also a lot math-smarter than me, so we find it funny =]. Now, if he only had a job that paid like, 30K a year and mine paid like 80K, I think I could become a resentful and irritable person that he didn't "contribute" more. Just like if I made 30K and he made 80K, I'd feel like I didn't contribute enough. It's a double edged sword for me, and I know that makes me sound super bad.
I don't want to be "taken care of" and I don't want to have to "take care" of him too much. Does that make sense?
I make significantly more than my FI and there are no hard feelings. He is currently managing his family's bike shop and when his dad retires, he will buy the business from him and make comparable if not more. We split the mortgage and household expenses and then have our own investments. We are both debt free other than the mortgage and do not do credit so whatever we buy for the house is talked about. Our system works well and we don't have any money fights.
I am totally in the situation that I will probably always make more than my FH. I am currently finishing my MBA (last semester, yea!) and he does not have any college experience.
He does own his own business but with the way the economy is still slowing down, he may have to look for a new job. We have discussed the fact that he may have to be a stay at home dad, etc. I don't think he's excited about the fact, but thats the fact.
Anyways, I do think there are some insecurities there, and I know its a tough subject to approach.
My SO makes more money than me and will for awhile. I'm still in school, one semester left. Starting salary for my preferred field is about $45,000. But 4 years into my career, I should be making about the same as him. I think it'll level off slightly higher than him, but with the way he's getting promoted, who knows? lol, he's superman at work! He wouldn't care one bit if I made more. In fact, he would love it. He's ready for me to start making real money so we can buy new cars, a huge flat-screen, remodeling the house, vacations, lol, he's been planning how to spend my paychecks before I even earn them! I'll be a lot happier when I'm out of school and contribute more equally. But he understands, he was student too.
I am the breadwinner in our family, but not by to much. I own my own business. It doesnt really affect us that much. We just count our two incomes as a whole, and use it together.
I will be the breadwinner once I am done school (doing a PhD) I will be a professor and make significantly more than me!
He has known this since knowing me and ideally would love to be a stay at home dad also! But he also has to be flexible with where I get a faculty position once I am done!
I will (hopefully, if I can find a job) be the only breadwinner at least for a year, possibly longer, while FH is in law school, but we both know that I am planning on going back to school as soon as possible, maybe even before he finishes....here's to living life the next few years on a shoestring budget and 99 cent junior bacon cheeseburger as our special "date nights" haha
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