Post # 1
DH and I have a group of friends we hang out with on a very regular basis. This consists of about 4 other couples, and every weekend is spent with at least one of them. All of these couples are near and dear to us, and each one is special to me because they were all DHs friends first, but as we became more serious , the wives/ girlfriends really accepted me and I’ve become great friends with them!
Here is my issue: in the past 3 weeks, TWO of the couples have broken up! Not like, ” we aren’t right for each other” breakups but like, ” I will f-ing stab you with dull butter knives” type of thing. Awkward.
Also- the ” boys” go to DH to vent and the ” girls” come to me! DH and I really, really try to stay as out of it as much as humanly possible and still be good friends. I feel a huge conflict arising as one of the boys has entered ( or re-entered) the dating scene full-freaking-throttle. So much so, he wants DH and I to hang out or do a double date with his new interest this weekend.
So- my VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION HERE ( I know in the scheme of life this is not important). How do you balance the old with the new? I feel like such a high schooler ( trying not to pick sides!) , but I can’t help but feel biased to one group/person or feel allegiance to their ex. I DO NOT want to be the snotty wife to the girlfriend( new or old) , but right now… What I know of the ” new girl”…. I’m not a huge fan of!
I should also add that every.single.thought that passes through my head is written on my face. Whatever the opposite of ” poker face” is, is me! So, the whole ” grin and bear it” is a hard concept for me because it turns into ” grimace and pretend youre bearing it!”
What has been yalls experiences with getting to know the new interests? I feel like in college it was easy (” OMG just look at his new girl, oh no girl you are wayyyy hotter”). I’d like to think I’ve matured past that point and am now an adult that doesn’t need to belittle other adults, especially other women!
Amyways- break ups suck. Big time.
Post # 3
@Mrs_Amanda: uhhhhg – I’m going through this with a good guy friend, who is in his mid 30’s, had been with his girlfriend for 4 years, they lived together, she was GREAT (and she and I were just getting to that point where we’d hang out without the guys, which I was loving) … and he dumped her out of the blue – because she told him she needed some kind of answer about him wanting kids (she’s also in her early-mid 30s). He has now met us at the bar with a string of chicks who are maybe 24 tops and act 18. I’m also very transparent. Without me even saying anything last week, when the girl went to the bathroom, he said to me “what!! she’s hot!!”
I have no good advice really – other than hope the new girlfriend is cool, and if she’s not, hope she’s just a rebound 😉
Post # 4
@mandypop: Haha that exactly what I’m dealing with!! We had just gotten to the point of hanging out without the guys, doing shopping/ lunch dates and BOTH of the couples were heavily involved in our wedding so we have a huge attachment to them. Now it’s all dunzo.
Both of the people in question are late 20’s/early 30’s and one is rebounding with a 19 year old! Holy mother of sanity I’m not a baby sitter ( this is not a knock on 19 year olds BTW, but more of the maturity level!) The other is rebounding with a woman who posts constant Facebook pictures of her abs ( this is where I face palm).
I hope youre right about the rebounding! Im hoping it ends with us talking about the good ol’ days and that time when we all went out with that girl and her dad picked her up/dropped her off or that time we spontaneously needed a cheese grater and used that girls ab muscles. Then we can chalk it up to crazy rebounds!
A girl can dream, right?!
Post # 5
Oh man that has to suck! My husband & I also have “couple” friends. Three couple friends actually. All of the guys (three) are my husband’s family, the two wives & the one fiance of these three couples are my friends as well as the men are my in laws. That would just be plain strange if this happened!
If I was you though, I would have a chit chat with the ex. Tell her you really don’t want to get in the middle of the whole break up BUT that you & her are to remain friends regardless. Also tell her you may be meeting some of his new dates but that has nothing to do with your friendship with her.
Post # 6
That sucks we couple friends break-up. You need to look at it from the perspective that these 2 are probably better off separate. I think you should give the new girl a chance, just as when the friend finds a new man you would expect your husband to give him a chance. You don’t have to pick sides.
Post # 7
Chuckled at the “What!! She’s hot!!” comment…
Lol, it gets worse.
By the time you get to middle age (mid 40s and beyond)… you’ll no doubt come across a friend or two who gets a Divorce and starts dating way down the “evolutionary cycle” (ie He’s 50, and she’s 20-something). Between you and him, you’ll have teenage or college kids who are either older or more mature… than his latest “fantasy” girlfriend.
You’ll wonder what he sees in her… and more so whatever does she see in him (afterall you may well recall him when he was her age)… and be acutely aware that when she is your age (40 or 50… he’ll be 65 or 75… and you for the life of you can’t imagine living your life with somone your father’s age in his elderly years)
You’ll shake your head (or face palm) and sadly acknowledge that a friendship door has probably closed (on its own) by some of the chioces that others make…
It happens, to what was otherwise good friendships, and yes it sucks !!
PS… As someone who was divorced, I can tell you that one of the hardest fall-outs from a Divorce is the fact that more than likely you have to start over with friendships… as things change so drastically in regards to other couples (even those you’ve been friends with for eons). People take sides… and it gets complicated… that and some married folks just see the “Divorce set” as being either too different from them, or a threat on their own marriages. For sure this was one of the hardest parts of getting a Divorce from a “social” aspect, losing some great friendships that I had for decades. It is what it is… friendships truly do come and go, you understand that more, the older you get.
Post # 8
Although you were good friends with these women, in actual fact their SOs are your DH’s friends, so they’re the ones who’ll stay in your lives. The ex-girlfriends will be replaced by new girlfriends, and in the long term you probably won’t hear from them much. So I’d try not to ally yourself too strongly with the ex-girlfriends, and try to accept the new girlfriends!
Post # 9
@This Time Round: I’m just waiting on that to happen! We just had a crop of friends get married in the past few years.
Post # 10
@drummerbride: I definitely think in one instance they ARE better off separate. In the other instance….Not so much. I understand that my opinion doesn’t matter, and no one was calling to ask me for permission before they unfriended the other on Facebook lol.
Im desperately trying to not pick sides!! These guys aren’t making it easy, but so far I’m giving myself an “A” for effort!:)