Weddingbee boards

Now, even I find last night's breakdown a little strange, and I'm pretty sure it took poor FH by complete surprise. Especially since I've been "breakdown-free" for about a month (I was doing so well . . .)

A little background:

When my grandpa passed away about 15 years ago, my mom set aside her inheritance and put it into wedding/house funds for my brother and myself. Basically, we were allowed to use that money either as a down payment for a house, or toward our wedding. Since FH and I already have the house, we're putting a significant chunk of it toward our wedding. And are very grateful that we don't have to pay for our special day out of our pockets.

Cue to this past week:

With the wedding about 8 months away, I've been writing tons of checks for vendor deposits and other wedding costs. Then it hits me on Monday - this money is all that I really have left from my grandpa. I start to feel as if every check I write, every dollar I spent, I'm slowly losing him again. And when the money is gone . . . that's it. He's gone. (man, I'm tearing up again just writing this).

The rational side of me knows this is stupid, I'm probably just being hormonal or something. He's been gone for 15 years. And this is what my mom wanted to do with the money she received from him. So I should be happy, right? Well, FH was out of town for work all week, so when we had a wedding discussion yesterday, I brought this up. And darn it, if the tears didn't start flowing. And he just didn't know what to say to make me feel better.

So, I guess I'm just looking for a little perspective. A way to see this in a better light, to make something happy out of something that's currently so sad for me. I know that someday, the money would be gone - we would have used it toward home improvements, for our next house, a college fund for our future children. But, it's happening now and I don't know how to deal with it.

@nonimouse12 - that's a great idea since we still have to get FH's wedding band!

I feel much better getting everything out (on screen). Something about just writing the feelings is really cathartic. That's one of the reasons I love this place - there are always great people who are ready to listen.

I think this is still going to be a difficult couple of months when the next payments are due, but I'm going to look for other ways to include the memory of my grandpa in the day so it has more of a positive spin to things.