Breaking Family Tradition

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Now is a great time to start your own traditions!  Dinner with your FI’s brother sounds like a great one to start.  Don’t worry too much about your mom.  You’ve given her fair warning about your plans.  I’m sure your God parents will understand.

Post # 4
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

Be firm!  “I am engaged to be married, we have our own plans.  I will send them a thank you card or thank them next time I see them.  I sure they will understand.”  Don’t give her a chance to argue.  Also, it may be more about tradition in your mom’s eyes than theirs.  Maybe they won’t even mind as much as your mom is making it out to be.  If you want boundaries, you need to set them.  Whether it’s Christmas traditions, wedding planning, raising kids (if applicable), etc.

Post # 5
Member
2885 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Traditions change as people grow up, but a lot of parents are unable/unwilling to let them go.  Standing your ground this year will help establish that you and your FI are going to be starting your own life together.  Your mom will be mad and disappointed (sorry, but she will be)  but will likely get over it. 

Post # 6
Member
8282 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

You’ve done it long enough and you are an adult who can make her own decisions. You do what you want to do. 

Post # 7
Hostess
9919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@JessicaJupiter:  be firm!  Mom, I’m sorry but tell ____ that I cannot make it.  We have invited FH’s brother for dinner and I can’t make it.  

If it’s nearby, can you pop by on your own, make an appearance and then leave?  You’re an adult, you don’t need to be escorted places by your parents.

Post # 8
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’d skip your mom, call your godparents, and express your regrets personally. Then call your mom and tell her that you’ve let them know you won’t be able to make it this year, but you’ll (call/visit/whatever) this (weekend/month/summer).

Post # 9
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

The fact that you are engaged now is the perfect reason to break the tradition. Family dynamics change in a big way when engagements/weddings happen and your parents will have to get used to it sooner or later. 

Just be firm. She might be upset this year, but that will fade by next year

Post # 10
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

@Jess1483:  THIS.  Get your mom out of the middle, call the Godparents and express your regrets that you can’t attend.  Make plans to get together with them in the next few days.  Your mom shouldn’t have a say in this (remember, I’m a mom of grown kids) and you should not have her in the middle between you and your Godparents.

So…go make the call and then let us know how it went!

Post # 11
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@JessicaJupiter:  if you want to make your Mom happy, go. But you’re an adult. I doubt your god-parents will be all that shocked that you have your own life and plans. As kids grow into adults, traditions change. Tell your Mom no. 

Post # 12
Member
2330 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You say that she will be embarassed the first time she shows up without you…well, it’s going to happen at some point – might as well get it over with! I think it is nice spending time with your FIs brother and if that’s what you want to do then do it. Just go straight to your godparents, like others have said and offer your apologies and maybe arrange to see them on your own/with your fiancé another time. 

Post # 14
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@JessicaJupiter:  you are an adult. If you try to please everyone, you will end up pleasing no one. Just say no! Your mom will get over it. 🙂 

Post # 15
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

The first time is bound to be difficult for your mom, but it’s got to start sometime. Make it NOW!

Stick to your guns. You’re an adult and engaged. No need to be tortured.

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