Breaking it off?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@iwl:  Divorces are far more expensive than weddings. I would go with your gut and move on. Go and live your life! When the right guy comes you won’t have these feelings

Post # 4
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Sea Ranch Lodge

@iwl:  “”But honestly it kind of feels like I want the fancy wedding more than I want the life with him at this point.””

I think that’s all you need to know. It’s better to have it be over now rather than after the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

@iwl:  if u two can’t compromise then it’s not worth going forward as there will be resentment on both sides. Cut your losses and move on.

Post # 6
Member
5839 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@iwl:  You know what you want/need to do. You just dont like the fact that you are going to lose money. But that isnt a good reason to get married. 

You say you love him, but I hate to tell you this, but loving someone also isnt a good reason to marry him. There were many guys that I loved before DH, but if I had married them, I would have been miserable. Love is what starts the relationship, but it is very unstable and cannot cement forever and ever. You have to have common goals, respect, support, etc. The things you dont have right now.

What is more painful: a breakup now and losing some money or a divorce later (maybe even with kids involved)?

Post # 7
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@iwl:  Honestly, I think that your partner should be supportive of your educational endeavors. In what ways is he not supportive? Is he unreasonable? Maybe if you are not ready to call it quits yet you can ask for the engagement to be on hold? I know some people give ultimatums/requests/demands at this point or make a decision to leave — but whatever you do I would advise you to listen to your conscience! If you have a bad feeling about whats to come in the future, I would say hold off.

 

Hope this helps!

Post # 9
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@iwl:  that sounds like it is very tough for you, and taking a toll. FI and I have been living together for a while. We lived together near his University, and when he graduated we moved very close to my school. I think it should be a bit of a compromise, but if he’s not willing to meet you half way then there isn’t very much to compromise. I understand that debt may be scary for him, but when you are done with school, you will be able to pay it off! Maybe you can help relieve his possible anxiety about saving up for the wedding by telling him that you wanted to wait until you were done with school so that you could help him save up too, or that you were thinking of having a smaller wedding/elopement! Sorry you’re going through a rough patch! 

 

Post # 11
Member
929 posts
Busy bee

@QueenieB:  +1. As soon as I read that sentence by the OP, the answer was clear cut. 

@iwl:  You can’t sacrifice your want of becoming a Dr for this man. Tell him it’s not working out anymore because you feel like you’re the one making all the sacrifices for a life together and he’s not. A partnership should be equal. Best of luck. 

Post # 12
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee

@iwl:  7k isn’t much in the grand scheme of things. You obviously don’t want to marry him so you need to end it.

Post # 13
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

@iwl:  

 

Forget the dress money and the catering money. I would chalk that up to making an impulsive decision too early into the relationship. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. 

You’re in your early 20s…. live your life, pursue your dreams. If he does not want to come along for the ride and be supportive of you pursuing your dreams, you need to cut him loose.

That’s just my two cents.

I think your career plans sound exciting… go for it!!

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